no. 219 alignment

mars and venus are back.

kisses and wishes
hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben

no.218 mars and venus

so yesterday and this morning were FULL of excitement over the concert-
oh my heavens, i even slept with the confirmation printout on the other side of the bed b/c i simply couldn't believe that i was/we were going...

(still going-no worries there)

then
today
i got home.
home is meant to be a happy place, right?
this school year
-since november actually-
home has been more stressful than peaceful
which pretty much sucks ass
seriously.

we said back in the day that we wanted our house to be open and welcoming, today it was the friday typical...high schoolers, middle schoolers, boylies
and
an exhausted team leader who had driven back from italy.
today.
8 hours
which admittedly is a long drive.
he has been gone for some time
with stomach bugs and sickness, taking over casa h, i've been a big bad worker bee
and i'm a little tired
which he and some friends pointed out today
the friends tip-toed into the convo...
team leader, not so gracious, and very "army-ish" in approach

i'm not going to go into the fight we had, but i am seriously
seriously
like m-fing pissed off at him.

he really doesn't get it sometimes
like a total lost cause
he's this unreal f-ing soldier
but the simple stuff is
UTTERLY lost on him
and this time, i'm breaking the rules and going to bed pissed.

he says i'm too moody up and down
i say he's ignorant to anything that isn't tattooed to his forehead

it is mars and venus in our house tonight and there doesn't appear to be a planet alignment happening before tomorrow.

*(&%(#&(@#$&@#)!~!!!!!!!

no.217 you-too!

24 July 2009

Dublin Ireland

u2 in concert

me...having a TOTAL fit
holy mess
and maybe a bit of a heart attack too-
though i really do think that joking about heart attacks isn't funny-
seriously, i'm so excited i can hardly talk.

for real
hardly talk.

it's a beautiful day kisses and wishes
hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 216 ohhhhhhh

so here i am watching Oprah and celebrity chefs living with her viewers.

*sigh*

why can't they come to germany and live here (in our oh so lovely subsidized apartment) and help me haul my knuckle-dragging family into a healthier food-lifestyle?!!

i spend A LOT of time worrying that because i work, i am shortchanging my family on the pieces of life that are important.it's my own personal cross to bear, i know it, i own it, and one day i hope very much to get over it!

they all know how much eating at table means to me, and that i do insist we slow our day to a screeching halt to take our places at the table and
BE
the family at Casa H.
which is good.
and i do thank them all for that lovely indulgence
i do!

but summing up the issues of this working momma
worrying is part of my parental inheritance
others may get money
me
it's the worry gene as my eternal gift, as if i didn't have enough on my mind...
seriously!

the food bit really does worry me...
in great part because of my own sad, scary uber control food issues from high school
in great part because of the damage i did to myself because of my food issues
in great part because i didn't STOP the crazy until i became pregnant with Preston-
a pregnancy that probably saved my life
in great part because i have a friend who died, and left her family
-my dearest friends-
to question and hate her illness and wonder if they loved her enough
(WHICH, they did, and still do)
in great part because i know i am borderline diabetic as i tiptoe towards menopause
in great part because my beautiful niece at age 6 was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes
the food bit does worry me.

i want my children to enjoy food, in a healthy, natural and curious way.
i want to put cookbook collection to good use.
i want to whip up wonderfully easy but deliciously smelling and delightfully tasting dishes that make their little mouths water.
i want food to be a natural, tasty, simple, and nutritious part of who were are as a family...with my own celebrity chef at the helm

not a tired momma who should be cooking right now, instead of blogging, can you say spaghetti tonight anyone?

kisses and wishes,
hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 215 reign

for erika, and gabby-
for their parents
for their husbands
for their sons
for them-
for Alex.
with all the love we can provide
perhaps, never enough, but always
always
there.
from us, for each of you, we remember her.
e

Only love
Can make it rain
The way the beach is kissed by the sea
Only love
Can make it rain
Like the sweat of lovers
Laying in the fields.

Love, Reign o'er me
Love, Reign o'er me, rain on me

Only love
Can bring the rain
That makes you yearn to the sky
Only love
Can bring the rain
That falls like tears from on high

Love Reign O'er me

On the dry and dusty road
The nights we spend apart alone
I need to get back home to cool cool rain
I can't sleep and I lay and I think
The night is hot and black as ink
Oh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain
~The Who

no.214 or the with a leprechaun named gaia

it's march friends-m.a.r.c.h. 2009

it seems like the holidays just happened
(since i have YET to remove the arificial xmas tree from our living room...i can see where that little nugget hails)

so where has the time gone?
have we been skiing and working and schooling and working and skiing and
wait-
is that the sound of a teeny little laugh in the distance?

could it possibly be the sound of the world's ONLY scottish leprechaun?!!
why yes it could.

Gaia is coming to germany-and not a moment too soon for any of us-
Gaia included!

we cannot WAIT to see her
even if her plane is a red-eye
we cannot WAIT to hug her
even if we have to smash on top of each other to reach
we cannot WAIT to simply
be
with
her.

we cannot.

so grandpadad...if by chance you read this...
please
work on getting healthy enough to fly.
because we miss you too,
and know that if ever there was a scottish leprechaun, there was a jewish one too...

kisses and wishes
hope and virute
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 213 proof

ya'll know that my yoda laptop loads the first photo backwards...don't ask me why...it's a yoda thing apparently! i'm also not too clear on why the labels for each snap are off...
hmm
i'm too lazy to make all the cut and paste happen today, so scroll down and begin at the began!
kisses and wishes
hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben
essie

beautiful weekend! next time we hope ya'll can come too!
day 2 load that car!
never a bad hair day when you've got clear skies and you are skiing!!
night fires from our balcony...very very cool!
a second wind snap before our valentines dinner was over
and pres, after eating a complete steak dinner BEFORE we ordered for the family...he was full to his eyeballs when we rolled him away from the table!
there's doodle bug!
and a valentine elf!
two ski sleepy valentines
we ordered dinner for four, and got dinner for four hundred all for 41 euro-can't beat that!
with the little old german ski lift man who scooped me up as i was falling and for the rest of the weekend laughed and called me "de gruen" something or other! was he ever a hoot!
finally at the top! ready to go with daddy
part II of his lessons and still smiling
a daddy and his first boy
my silly valentine...notice the baklavas...it was freezing!!!
we're here and are ready for lessons!
hanging my camera out the window as we drove up the mountain
team leader
in the car on our way
balcony photo shoot before we went skiing
view from our balcony

no. 212 later than valentines day

home getting over the worst stomach bug EVER, i'm taking a minute to blog.

i had the best valentines day in as many as i can count this year-

(history lesson regarding the life of e and t)
team leader and i have only been valentines 6 of the 17 years we've been together
100% due to his job and all the places he has had to be over the years.
he has always been my valentine, and, i've always been his
but
watching other couples go out to dinner,
buy cutesie outfits for after dinner,
drink champagne and eat chocolate covered strawberries...
when you're not with your valentine
simply put
sucks.

because we can only control what we can control, we've redefined valentines day
we're more about us
and the family we've made together
valentines day in our house has grown from 2 valentines into 5.
i've said before
we know we are different
and
that i wouldn't put this life onto anyone
but for me
and for him
and for our 3
we've made it work.
(lesson over)


this year, we took each other skiing, a wonderful weekend in a beautiful corner of the black forest
where mr. ben got the best valentines gift...ski lessons!
where pres got hours perfecting the art of snowboarding!
where doodle bug got to swoosh up and down a hill stylishly!
where e and t got skiing time together...
little moments for us
on a sparkling white mountain
in the bitter cold,
as it was a beautiful day, and with clear skiing days comes brrrr!

best part of the weekend:
when we went up the slope with mr. ben
who was prepared to take the mountain on with force
who looked at us and said "i'm ready"
and then
as we were just getting set to go
heard pres and doodle
"WAIT BEN!!"

they had come
up the slope to
ski down it
with him.
the magic of the moment wasn't lost on his big brother and sister
it was a moment that parents wait their lives for...
i made a mental snapshot of that second-
the smile on his little face-
the excitement in his daddy's eyes-
the thrill of being as big and as ready as his brother and sister are-
it was a blink.
and then they all took off

our three little valentines
cheering each other on
racing down a mountain
happy to be together (the truest blessing of all LET me tell ya!!)
proud of their accomplishments
comfortable in this surrounding

3 hearts + 2 hearts = a family
later than valentines day

kisses and wishes
hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben
e

no. 211 the one where life got a little more diabetic or the hot pink parachute-you decide

news from the other side of the world got a little more intense for our family this week, as we learned that our beautiful little niece has type one diabetes.

it was shocking email, full of gut wretching emotion, and distance-such extreme distance.

i hurt my heart to be so helpless and far away from our family...
nothing we could do
to ease the fear
to shatter the window of scary
to heal the hurt
to answer the questions
to simply be-there-with them all.

knowing the key players in all this, we were able to create our own version of a golden parachute to sweep down over our loved ones and blanket them in cuddles... our parachute happens to be hot pink (and won't cost tax payers a thing, thank you very much!)
yup
a hot pink parachute
(don't judge me...i'm a hot pink kind of gal!)
for our family in florida,
learning how to navigate the winds of change
and insulin
and shots
and carbs
and sugar
and lots of sweetly intended good wishes that are sometimes hard to take in stressful situations

the hot pink parachute of hugs and love
from an essie to an ellie
who has been there too...
from an uncle to a nephew
who feels the scary and wants to swoop up and take it all for him...
from cousins to cousins
who have a tight bond, a lifetime label, "Harrisons"...
from family to family.

i love you honey girl
love you lots and lots and lots!
take care of honey bear for me, he's a little scared, and wants to help.
i know you can show him how.

kisses, wishes
hope and virtue
unarmen und lieben
e

no. 210 it's february?!!

the month of
birthdays,
anniversaries,
special days,
and even the 100th day...of school!

it's also the beginning of a major move for one of my cyber-expat pals here in Germany...
Eurotrippen has left the building for a bit, preparing for a move back to the US, where she's starting a new life with her family.
Understanding that there was "no say so" in the situation, it's very hard to see the "maintenence mode" up on her blogsite.

it was bad enough when Rahn's blog went up in smoke...
then mackin ink went the way of well, wherever blogs go when the need is surpassed by all the other things out there.
finally mausi, due to the great need for rest, she has taken a much needed blogging break.

so tonight i say thank you to all these amazing women who have made life as an expat just a bit easier, just a bit more entertaining, and overall just a bit better for this DC girl living in Deutschland.

AND i'd like to welcome another cyber friend, Diane, who is also leaving germany for "warmer climes"
She is witty, well versed, a great read, and someone we all should know!

hope and virtue,
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 209 what is it about friendship

somtimes everyone needs a time out
not just the littles, but everyone, including us bigs...

this week i found myself up to my eyeballs in a situation where i put myself
in time out
hands up in the air,
i walked away.

and though i've tried not to, i've been thinking about it
walking away
and
my feelings regarding
the beginning,
the middle,
and the end
of all this mess...

how did it get to this?
are we not adults?
when did the past become the present?
and the present become a future in time out?

sadly there aren't too many answers when you're in the middle of a one sided conversation
and since i created the time out, i guess it's here to stay for a bit, my choice.

i can't be any more of the person that i am.
i wake up
start each day with promise and hope
work
work hard
love
with all my might
and when the day is done
i'm happy.
happy as can be.
my life is good.
my life is full.

i can't make someone happy who hasn't been happy.
and i can't change the past.

it is what it is
it is what it is

time out.

hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben
essie

no.208 baaad essie

so, sometimes, these kiddos just tick me off
and i morph into
baaaad essie
a screaming banshee momma
who everyone should just smile at
as they run for their lives
seriously
is it too much to ask for
one night of peace?

ergh
hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben
NOT christina applegate...sigh

no. 207 "The time has come..."

boy, has it been a LONG time coming!!

there aren't many words left to say regarding the 43rd presidency of the united states.
sometimes, helicopters can't fly fast enough...

with that, i welcome to washington the man, the family, the team-
my new president and vice president,
with thanks,
with prayer,
and
with a heartfelt belief that we have indeed witnessed the dawning of a new era.

my prayers are with our friend;
grandpa is watching over you...

hope and virtue
umarmen und lieben
okay-so i'm not as cute as christina applegate-it's been a looong day! but there ya go...essie with short short hair!
xoxox

no.206 and there's no turning back now!

after watching a marathon of Samantha Who-my new favorite show b/c I simply love Christina Applegate-
AND
taking a hard look at the hair o'essie with my good friend Jules
"JUST make the call."
"GO"
"and be ready for at least 4 inches to be cut off"

i went.
and it's a whole lotta more than 4 inches gone from the head o'essie
i can say that i don't feel like i'm stuck in the '80's any more!

but i love it, and i love the woman who did it, and b/c i'm a baaaaad essie
i'll post a snap tomorrow!

umarmen und lieben

no.205 ps pet haven devotees

ya'll are wonderful...emails and comments are pouring in...

blessed
blessed
blessed!

every girlie should have so many in her corner!

UBER umarmen und lieben!
essie

no. 204 phv pet haven

okay, calling all my imaginary and very real friends...the doodle bug needs your help with a homework assignment.

she's made a blog to help get the survey out there...please follow the link to

PHV PET HAVEN

to read her post and see the 5 questions she'd like to report back on.
thanks ever so much for helping our girl!
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 203: the one where i realize i am numbering my posts

happy day 3 of 2009!

yesterday team leader and i took doodlebug downtown to the hauptsrasse for some healthy skincare items and to spend a boatload of euro on essential snowboarding equipment!
a helmet and goggles for pres-you can literally go "snow blind" over here and those were the last pieces he needed to be legit-
a backpack for the basics...holding the infamous "team leader fannypack" with snacks, with a tricky little Lycra piece that can hold your helmet to the front of the pack AND a rain cover for the entire thing b/c the Germans are so efficient! (it's really a biking or hiking pack, but for skiing...it's perfect...highly recommend folks!)

and finally, what i considered the critical purchase:
a spine shield for my broke-back hubby who was determined to enjoy his day out with boy1!

(i insisted on the spine shield.
he's not 100% healed up, and as i've shared before, he's a hard one to keep down...
score 1 for the wifey!)

when we were out, i realized that i hadn't made any resolutions, so as a lover of lists...here goes.
the resolution for 2009:

* learn to take care of the momma.
this is important because the wii balance board of video game g-dness opened my eyes to something not so good.

for those on the fence, the wii fit does a user profile for each person in your house when you begin the program
it weighs you, does a bmi test, does a center of balance test and scans your body after some little tests, when it's all done, wii tells you your "wii fit age."
i'm sharing mine because it shocked me...after years of classical ballet training, swimming, running, eating healthy foods, no smoking, mild drinking, and what i thought was a healthy lifestyle...

i am 57 wii years old

yup. 17 years older than i really am.
which of course could be all relative if you think it's just a little machine-which it is-i know.
but seriously...

am i that creaky?
am i that sore?
am i that sad?!

some days i do feel it, and i have an innate sense of where my body is on the Richter scale of life thanks in great part to an UNHEALTHY body image and UNHEALTHY lifestyle many moons ago.
(in short, i was bonkers about the number on the scale, and took it out on me...because THAT was a good idea. i know so much better now.)

so getting back to the actual resolution...many people i know hated 2008.
i can't say that i did, but i can say that something about 2009 feels particularly happy.
can't really explain it, but it does: this new year already feels good.

so i'm beginning this new year wanting to
slow my life down a tad,
really make sure i'm teaching the lessons that need to be taught,
listen to more music,
read more books,
relearn the language i spent years and years learning in the FIRST place

so i'm beginning this new year wanting to
appreciate the parts of me that might be a little squishy,
but become more flexible,
appreciate the parts of me that are a little more grey,
but quintessentially "E"
appreciate being able to talk to my children calmly,
but always with care
appreciate the man who wakes up to my mug-almost every day-
but almost never (he's pretty perfect, but i have to be real here) takes our life together for granted.

so i'm beginning this new year wanting to take care of the momma,
so that the momma can stick around for a long long time,
loving her life
loving her family
loving her friends
loving the all the possibility to be found in a brand new year.

i don't think that's too much of a resolution...
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 202: the one that is really for one

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

now...treehouse:

leather...worn while making cookies?!
WHO is this woman?!!

seriously-so so
SO
not related to the hubby
who made the
BEST
DECISION
of
HIS
LIFE
when he married
y.o.u.

stinky
smelly
dirty
mean!

okay.
i feel better now!
umarmen und lieben
spider monkey

no. 201:Auld Lang Syne

when i hear the song, it always makes me cry, soppy sentamentality i assume.
but it does
and, those who know me, understand why.

2008 was an amazing year.
it was a year of giving, receiving, losing, finding
many many "ings"

we've already celebrated here in germany, and team leader's first comment,
"this year will be good-i can feel it!"
we are far away, but the love we feel for everyone of you is only as far away as a beating heart
chock full of soppy sentamentality.

"i'll drink a cup of kindness yet
for auld lang syne..."

with all my love, and happy wishes for a GOOD new year
welcome 2009

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 200! Or the one where Momma catches up from a whirlwind month o' love!

i'm back folks!
the past few weeks have been slammed with family fun, celebration, love, peace, joy, and now...some quiet before we ring in 2009!

starting with Mr. Ben
who turned 9 this month...
i was roused out of my comfy bed that morning to the sound of his sweet voice in my ear:
"momma, can you believe it? your baby is NINE today!"
naturally, i cried.
who ever thinks that, in the moment of cradling an infant and kissing his soft forehead, that the child in your arms would ever be big?

i didn't.

but big has snuck up on memost of his friends were stateside for the holidays, save one-Alex, so we went with "Preston's Crew" to one of our favorite places "JumpInn."

JumpInn is a warehouse that is full of trampolines, inflatable climbing things and the whatnot that wears kids out, AND sells alcohol to parents who have to sit there for 4 hours and watch.
nice!
Mr. Ben had more gifts to enjoy than even a TEN year old could open...it was a wonderful birthday that merged into the first night of Hannukah

lighting the candles, using Ben's menorah this year, was a special treat...we had our dear friends Dan and Julescome from Belgium for the week.
they got to celebrate many nights of Hannukah in addition to the Christmas Eve revelry that rolled into 5 days of nothing but fun, friendship, and (extended) family.

always game for "mandatory fun ala Casa H" is our other friend Johnsuch a good sport-putting up with the management of 5 highly opinionated folks...he truly "goes with the flow!"
he was with us for the holidays too-waay back in early december, when TL was tdy, he ventured out to not 1, but 2 Wheinnacht Markts-my favorite places this time of year-where he was convinced i would be arrested for my "grow as we go" collection of ghluwein mugs!
(i wasn't-you pay a deposit, and if you keep the mug or get too drunk to return it, you forfit the deposit-so there!)

but wheinnachts markts will be another post-
and this post...
a slight pause in programming my friends-oreo has to go out!

umarmen und lieben
essie

i'll be back-promise!!