Thursday, September 25, 2008

Answers

Today has been a thoughtful day.
I tried to find an outfit that wasn't black.
Today needed to be about color.
I found something-red-it worked, I guess.

Today I'm in Germany.
Tonight, while I sleep, my dearest friends in Virginia will memorialize the most amazing little girl.
I'll be here-dreaming of a place where she can be as loud and as fast as her heart can take.
Her heart...

Answers.

Dulce was a former student of mine.
I was her Kindergarten and First Grade teacher at Hunters Woods Elementary School in Reston.

Hunters Woods was a magical place.
I got really, really lucky when Steve hired me.
I felt at once, like I had found "home."
Team Leader was all over the world back then; we owned a house a NC, and the kids and I lived with my parents. I felt unbelievably displaced 99.9% of the time. I felt like I was homeless. Even with 2 potential buildings creating cover for my head-homeless.
Hunters Woods took all that away.
I WAS home when I was at work.
I had peace.
I had presence.
I was home.

Dulce was part of that peace...that presence...that home.

Answers.
Dulce was this wonderfully crazy little person who had more questions than a child could EVER possibly be allowed to ask...
She was this bright light of good, a good that all children do possess, but her light was stronger...
She would communicate in any way she possible-not an easy task given the enormity of her disabilities...
But I never saw her as disabled-ever.
She was Dulce.

Answers.
She named me "H" first.
Then I evolved into "Harry."
For a minute, we tried to do the real name "Mrs. Harrison" until we all realized that my name was "H" - I was "Harry."
She would said "Harry...COME."
I would go.
She would RUN to the swings or the slides on the playground, laughing, teasing, joking...
I would go.

Answers.
Her IEP meetings were parties-oh my stars did we laugh until our faces were wet with tears. Her parents were fabulous, and everything a Gen Ed teacher could want parents to be: suportive, kind, tough, sweet, hysterically funny with wicked senses of humor, reasonable, right.
They were right.
Right for Dulce, right for me, right for Rahn.
They gave us Dulce - 40 hours a week.
Dulce gave us the family that she was denied at birth.
She gave me herself.
She gave me her parents and brothers.
She gave me Rahn.
She gave me Eadie.

She gave me confidence-there isn't a child I'll deny-and a desperate want to know how to do more.
She was "the most inclusive person I know" (so SO true Eadie, and beautifully said)
She lived her life as if each moment were truly her last.
People say that phrase, about living life, but few actually do.
Dulce did. Man, Dulce, did.

She was 10 when she died last week.
Dulce was a former student of mine who came into my life and changed me forever.
Dulce was a former student of mine who became part of my family - part of me.

Answers.
I don't have many more.
In the end of this part of her life, it was her beautiful big heart that needed to finally rest...Her heart.
In my mind I believe that for the first time, she heard clearly the amazing grace of G-d, calling to her:
"Dulce. Come."
She did.
Who could blame her?
I can't go now, but I know oh I know, that when the light in my life calls upon me
I WILL see Dulce again.
She will be there,
laughing,
holding out her hand,
pulling me into the second leg of our Amazing Race.

Answers.
Dulce was one child in a million.
She cannot ever be replaced.
But she's at peace, and I know how important finding peace is...
even if it means leaving people you love.

Dulce Maria Wahdan
1998-2008



















umarmen und lieben Dulce-
Harry

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Letter of Her Lifetime

The tribute I'm about to post was written by a beautiful woman, whose life was changed by one little girl.
Since Dulce's passing, so many people have been worried about her, worried because they were synonomous..."Dulce-Rahn"
They went together like peanut butter and jelly
They went together like eggs and toast
They went together like cookies and milk
-some days it was more like oil and vinegar-but
They went together.

Yin to Yang.
Air to Earth
Fire to Water

Dulce-Rahn

Dulce, we've decided, knew that time was precious and short.
She had an awesome job to accomplish and limited time to get the job done.

I'm so proud of you Chris-this is a wonderful, positive, and uplifting tribute to the extrordinary relationship you shared with her.
"Job well done, Rahn, job well done."

Dulce, we miss you, but our love for you will never die.
Dulce, we miss you, but our dreams for a world where all kids learn won't be darkened.
Dulce, we miss you, but you brought us together.
You made this amazing family a reality.
You.
G-d Bless your heart, honey, your big loud running laughing heart.
I love you
Harry

*****************************************
Dear Dulce.
Seems a bit unreal that this is happening today. Only for you would I be standing up here in front of all of these people, in a dress no less. How did I know that 6 years ago you would walk, ok run, into Hunters Woods and change all of our lives forever? We weren’t quite sure what to think of you and all your glory!
They say it takes a village to raise a child and I can honestly say that is true.
It wasn’t hard to see why people were drawn to you. You had so many different sides to you, one more different than the next. We could probably go around this room and not one person could repeat that of another.
-Tenacious -Full of energy –Social -Busy –loving –gutsy and nosey could be just a few.

My favorite was that guilty look you had on your face when you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to, and you fight to protest your innocence or try your best “wasn’t me face” on for size. Sorry, didn’t fit you too well. But mostly you were honest, sometimes to a fault when you got caught.
You made us realize why we chose our profession, why we became teachers. You weren’t an easy child. You were a challenge for us as teachers and human beings to find how to reach you and be the best DW you knew inside you could be. The journey on our way to reach that goal was never boring. I think we would be here all weekend if we tried to tell every story about Dulce. We all have many. It wasn’t a day if you didn’t hear your name being shouted down the hall or heard ”My Mom said” I want a playdate, or our favorite “Sorry!!”
The year you joined Hunters Woods, school and home became a close family. There wasn’t anything that couldn’t be honestly shared between us. Your family wanted to be challenged and to help you grow. We hoped we were up for the challenge.
You didn’t want to be treated different from your peers and were not shy about telling us that. You wanted to talk with your friends, and hang out with them in the bathroom. That made you late, but that made you feel like you belonged. You begged for us to help you learn. We didn’t know what your limits were, you didn’t want any. You didn’t know the meaning of no or I can’t, even on your toughest days.
With the blood sweat and tears (along with therapy bills) your family (home and in school) managed to take you to places that Dr’s never said you’d reach.
You would never talk? You didn’t stop. You had too much to say. Gone were the days you were content to sit and observe; you had lots of time to make up for. I remember talking to your parents and being over the moon that you were starting to talk and we were starting to understand you. Gone were the days we would just nod or say ok to whatever you said, you needed to be heard and understood.
Never write or learn to use the computer? You learned how to use the computer to write up playdate invitations much to the surprise to those around you! This also came in handy when you told us “no” or “sorry” one too many times! Get to writing my friend.
Never Read? You were in such a hurry to move past the ABC’s and picture books and in to reading books. Many doors were knocked on and celebrations had when you hit the a level. And then you demanded Mrs. Holley give you a level 8? Who knew. You did.
You blew into our lives like a tornado and hadn’t stopped running since. What we didn’t know was why you were in such a hurry. You were never really good at keeping a secret, but maybe this one was too important to share. A voice inside told you not to hold back and you took full advantage. You taught us not to hold back, that if we wanted something, we needed to go for it.
I don’t choose to dwell on this as a sad time, rather; I choose to celebrate your life and what you have meant to those all around you. I can’t even begin to tell you how you have changed me as a teacher and a person. You were with me for half of my teaching career and that is something special. Dulce, I like to tell my fellow teachers, especially new ones, that while all children are special, there will be at least one child that will epitomize life and all the challenges that it comes with. That was you. I probably didn’t tell you enough how special you were, but I think deep down you knew. Other teachers may be fortunate to develop a bond so special that it is hard to explain. This was my bond with you, whether either of us liked to admit it. You made me laugh. Cry. Pull out my hair. Amazed. Most of all PROUD. The days you walked in with your hair down, crimped or maybe gelled into a style of your creation, we knew it would be a challenge. Then again, you never took the easy way.

You and I had some adventures outside of school. We went to 5 Guys and you ate my fries, all the while insisting you didn’t want any. Our adventures at Target are still with me today. My favorite memory was when you met my nieces. Only the special people in my life meet them. You had worked hard and had asked so many times. You were so happy and excited to go. Then on the way home you weren’t afraid to point out my issues with directions. I took a wrong turn in Leesburg (we were), and I hear from the back seat, “Rahn are you lost?” Or the time you gave me the directions to your house when I was sure I knew where I was going, when I really wasn’t! But that was you. Never afraid to hold back in what you were thinking or had to say. It didn’t matter if it was in the middle of an assembly, during class, or even in the middle of Target, if you felt something was important enough to share it would be done.
The halls are a bit quieter now, but yet, they are not silent. I smile and like to think Heaven is a bit louder and more lively now. I like to think you have tossed those hearing aids aside, put on your prettiest dress and are enjoying the greatest playdate you ever had. We should all learn to put on our fancy dress and just let it all out for a time!
I told your Mom you are a legacy now. We would be here for days if everyone told a Dulce story full of your antics and thirst for life. We were honored to know you and you will never be forgotten. We are all better people for knowing you and will keep you close in our hearts and minds. Keep an eye on us and we will see you soon.
These words are my thoughts, but I would like to end with yours. Here is the Poem you wrote at the beginning of this year.

Love,
Rahn

Saturday, September 20, 2008

You.

Your question-if you can find the right words-
you can.
They are there.

I told you that I thought you needed to see them on your time-time for just you and them-before others came in and let their grief dictate your connection.
I know it was hard, but I'm so glad you did, because now you know unequivocally
how tremendous the impact of your connection to their daughter was in their eyes.

Dulce may have started her life without family, in the traditional sense-
G-d found Jerri and Hassan for her...her name, remember the story Jerri told us about her name-
Chris, there were no coincidences in her life...
G-d had a plan-an amazing plan for her life.

They came to Hunters Woods, hopeful.
There were no guarantees, just hope.
What they found was family.

Jerri and Hassan created her family-they found her family-they were guided into a community that embraced Dulce's challenges and helped them conquer what Doctors said
could
not
be
done.

Remember when we asked Jerri is we could take Dulce on the Amazing Race-we knew we'd be the winning team, hands down! We laughed and joked about the play fighting and funny bed head hairdos we'd have-it was a hysterical notion, that made us all smile.

What we didn't know then, that I understand now, is that we were already on that Race. Dulce picked us to be her teammates, and we ran with it.
We ran with her.

Her life was amazing.

She was amazing.
She was playful.
She was kind.
She was naughty and mischievous.
She was dilligent and tenacious.
She learned.
She loved.
She lived.
She lived the Amazing Race.

How lucky were we-we got to run with her-
Maybe what we take from the sadness, is joy,
we take that joyful motion of Dulce-
that forward pressing motion that filled Dulce everyday,
we take it and press on, just as she would want us to.

I've said that I believe she was a messenger.
Like those before her, she has left us here to continue sharing her voice with others.

We become the messengers that make the change we want to see in the world happen-
We make that change happen for all other children,
because we know Dulce would want us to,
because we know that Dulce would have made it happen in spite of us all-

She got you into a dress, afterall...

You can do this.
You ARE the person to do this.
You have the words, YOU HAVE THE VOICE, and if you need help I'm here.

BIG hugs Robin...send out a bat signal if you need to, but know that the bat mobile is ready!
xoxoxox Momma-
Batman

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The sweetest sorry

was the one I heard so many times a day-
"Sahwee Harry"
"Sahwee Rahn"
"Sahwee Turnie"

When my phone rang last week, I cried tears of joy, you were right there wanting lunch, chinese?
rice?
time together?
time on the phone for a day well done.

We used to call Tony that way-you would laugh and yell into the phone
"Toonneeey" and tell him everything about life in Virginia and make him tell you everything about life where he was in the world...

I hope wherever you are tonight the memories of those calls, those special special days, the fun we had together, the trouble we caused, them smile you put on the face of every person you called friend-that those moments of your life are cradling you into a loving eternal sleep.

Dulce Maria Wahdan.

We will all love you forever.
We will never, ever forget you.
Your life was a gift-
I will thank G-d every day for the rest of my life for the time I had with you.
You made me a better teacher, you made me a better person, you made me want to make the world a better place.

I miss your voice already-
I promise to take good care of Rahn...
I promise.
I love you honey, with all my heart-
Harry

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

crack is real-it is also known as

facebook.

holy mess.

this is not good...I'm LOVING finding the people who knew me when, and are still their wonderfully fabulous selves (all these years later...and with some of them, yes it's been years!) heh

BUT the flip side is me not getting out the door on time, to get to school early enough, to be ready for the student teacher who showed up today...who I had TOTALLY forgotten about in my "catch up with the world" madness.

um. yeah.

apparently I'm part of the slacker generation.

umarmen und lieben
essie
ps I love this man-he gives me goosebumps!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Remembering and Orange Birthday Wishes



I would say, that after all these years, I'm the realist in my marriage...
TL is the romantic, interestingly, not me.

When I met him, I thought he was a Forest Ranger-
seriously-
I did.

It's one of the first of a lifetime of ridiculous Esther/Tony stories that we have floating around out there.
I had
n.o.
c.l.u.e.
about what he really did for a living.
I learned fast.

This life, we live, isn't for everyone-

TL tells me I should always have hope.
(I can be Debbie Downer, I'm not proud of it, but I know my own evil.)
He's right.
There should always be a glimmer of hope.
Maybe that's why I stay in the classroom with my littles-they're too small to be jaded by politics, prices, and pundits.
The world is a small place for them; save knowing that Iraq and Afgahnistan take their parents far away, for long periods of time-hopefully, not forever.
They find joy in little people things, and, I get that. I like that.

In my classroom today, I had no idea what to expect...so...
Today we read my special book "On September 12th We Knew Everything Would Be Alright" It makes me cry when I read it aloud, but it makes me feel better.
Today we celebrated the 7th birthday of a little guy in my classroom by making him a birthday book filled chock full to the brim of "Happy Birthday Wishes." His classmates asked him what his favorite color was-
orange.
He got lots and lots of orange wishes.
Today we made our own American flags, and some of my littles, sang the national anthem as they glued down their colored strips.

It was a long day, but it was a happy day.
We were all full of hope today in my classroom-it was nice, it was good, it was right to do.

Today, the country, our country, my country-their country-remembers.
Tomorrow, we hope that the world our world, my world-their world-moves one step closer to being a better place for all mankind.

It was the best orange birthday wish that I could hope to come true-ever-
Karen and Jeremy, we remember.

umarmen und lieben
essie