the sound of the glass ceiling...breaking

I went to bed last night anxious, and, hopeful.
Not a good combination for a worry-wart like me.
I couldn't take the waiting.
and waiting.
and waiting.
It was killing me.
So I went to bed.

I woke up this morning at 5:25...6 hours ahead of the east coast.
Roughly 15 minutes before President-Elect Obama made his magnificent victory speech.
A magnificent victory speech delivered in the same park where, 40 years ago at the Democratic Convention, riots broke out.
The significance of that location wasn't lost on me-or anyone in my family for that matter-my father said that was the beginning of the unbearable bipartisan divide that our country has been held hostage by in the years since.

My family.
Who I called, immediately afterwards, to share in the amazing moment happening before us.

It was a morning for us that we took in
minute by minute,
word by word.

I got to school and saw my colleagues
smiling
laughing
celebrating!

And then the children came flooding down the first grade hallway.
The joyful sound of small people-
"Obama"
"He won"
"Obama is"
"the first"
"Black President!"

"He looks like me."

He looks like me!
I thought my heart was going to explode-
all the promise-
all the wonder-
all the potential-
all in the beautiful little faces,
the culturally diverse spectrum of our future.
So small, yet so vital...

All day I was brought back to my own familial happiness-thrilled for my own children-thrilled beyond my wildest dreams
our son who will vote in his first presidential election in 2012,
our daughter who already has political plans of her own,
our youngest son who believes that all world citizens...people...all should be free.

With the splinters of glass on the floor around us, tonight I know that with hard work and a belief that anything IS possible, anything can happen.
anything.

I hope that in this administration, these beautiful visions of our future can find
inspiration,
joy,
motivation,
hope,
all these things and more.
"Guten Morgen Mister President! Machten Sie die Welt Besser!"
(the headline on one of our German newspapers:
"Good Morning Mr. President, You make the world better!" )

umarmen und lieben
essie

we did it

the country has spoken-

we did it!

Here she is...

Miss Ellie Belle!

Last year she was the cutest little cheerleader an Aunt could ask for...this year, our girl is rockin' the Pirate look!

Happiest Birthday wishes to our number one niece!
Ellie Paige

We hope you got your birthday box, and the presents were fun-more gummie candies are on the way! We love you SO much honey, and know that this year will be a fantastic one for you!!!

xoxoxox
Aunt Essie, Uncle Tony, Pres, Dollie, and Ben

Get out

and VOTE!!!
No matter what you do today,
DO NOT miss this opportunity.

You owe it to your chldren.

Go VOTE

ps

happy birthday to

*e*

yay you!!!
xoxox
me

just a thought

"Your life is an occassion.
Rise to it."
~Mr. Magorium

umarmen und lieben
essie

change

today i mailed my absentee ballot back home to virginia.
i sent it, express mail...
i smiled afterward, as it crossed my mind, that in a funny way it was one last campaign contribution i was proud to make.

before the big mailing i let any, one, h'son kinder who wanted to watch-watch-as i placed my vote
respecting privacy is important...
the parenting and civic teachable moment, even more so and in the end,
one did.

she's an amazing child-i've known that always-forever and ever in fact.

"mom...that vote just might be the one vote that changes the world."

honey-for you, and all the children of the world, i truly hope it is.

umarmen und lieben, zeiskeite!
momma

fifteen is MY life

he's up there in that thing the germans call an amusement ride...
(it had 4 bars of seats, making a square, riders sat so they could see the terror on one another's faces...or the faces of their PARENTS who were safely on the ground.)

















and here, he's swinging DOWN, (I am not in the photo because I am having a heart attack and Team Leader, Doodle Bug and Benzilla are calming me down with wine...a big big glass of wine.)















holy mess.
someone get me my drink.
my big, tall drink...I love that part of German amusement parks.
umarmen und lieben
essie

paradigm shift

it's time to smile.

I've been posting A LOT of esther-mind-soul stuff.
the writing really helped me get through a tremendous personal loss.
It did.

I loved blogger for that-what huge shoulders, carrying the weight of my pain for me.
Then I started getting emails, facebook comments, so many people wanting to know who this wonderful child had been?

Suddenly, it wasn't just blogger picking me up and dusting me off, it was all of you.
There were moments, laughing until the tears ran down my face-
There were celebrations, joyful moments-
There were movie marathons, hysterical moments-
There were reasons to smile...

So, I'm smiling again.
Like Miranda said to Carrie:
"You'll laugh when something is funny."
There's been puhlenty of funny lately.

It's time to start each day embracing the smile...
Ending the day thankful for the smile...

umarmen und lieben to all my smileys out there-
(loving and missing you!)
essie

Naturally

In typical "me" fashion, my camera wont upload photos right now.

In typical "me" fashion, my camera DIED when I started to take photo of Pres, blowing our his candles. We will have to re-inact his bday event for posterity later.

Team Leader and I think he had a great birthday weekend...

Skate Park ALL day on Saturday. HOURS upon hours of skating...he has the bruises to show for it, he's trying to create some kind of skateboard trick that I can't do justice describing.

Hockenheim with his boys Saturday night...late night...3am before his head hit the pillow.

Back on post for Happy Cake, steaks on the grill, presents, cards, friends.
All for him!
Tonight, Team Leader and Hillbilly are taking Pres and the boys to a concert.
That's apparently what you do when you are 15.
That, and talk talk TALK about getting your learners permit when you go back to the states this summer.

sigh.
our boy is 15...

wow.

15

October 5, 1993 is the day.
My life stopped being my own, and new life became the center of my world...

Preston turned 15 today.
Team Leader and I keep turning to one another, arms open, needing a hug-
physical reassurance-
a touch-
our baby is 15.

I think we're both in shock.
It's hard not to be-we don't feel like time has blown by us...
but it has.

Happy Birthday sweetheart!
We love you!
Momma

Answers

Today has been a thoughtful day.
I tried to find an outfit that wasn't black.
Today needed to be about color.
I found something-red-it worked, I guess.

Today I'm in Germany.
Tonight, while I sleep, my dearest friends in Virginia will memorialize the most amazing little girl.
I'll be here-dreaming of a place where she can be as loud and as fast as her heart can take.
Her heart...

Answers.

Dulce was a former student of mine.
I was her Kindergarten and First Grade teacher at Hunters Woods Elementary School in Reston.

Hunters Woods was a magical place.
I got really, really lucky when Steve hired me.
I felt at once, like I had found "home."
Team Leader was all over the world back then; we owned a house a NC, and the kids and I lived with my parents. I felt unbelievably displaced 99.9% of the time. I felt like I was homeless. Even with 2 potential buildings creating cover for my head-homeless.
Hunters Woods took all that away.
I WAS home when I was at work.
I had peace.
I had presence.
I was home.

Dulce was part of that peace...that presence...that home.

Answers.
Dulce was this wonderfully crazy little person who had more questions than a child could EVER possibly be allowed to ask...
She was this bright light of good, a good that all children do possess, but her light was stronger...
She would communicate in any way she possible-not an easy task given the enormity of her disabilities...
But I never saw her as disabled-ever.
She was Dulce.

Answers.
She named me "H" first.
Then I evolved into "Harry."
For a minute, we tried to do the real name "Mrs. Harrison" until we all realized that my name was "H" - I was "Harry."
She would said "Harry...COME."
I would go.
She would RUN to the swings or the slides on the playground, laughing, teasing, joking...
I would go.

Answers.
Her IEP meetings were parties-oh my stars did we laugh until our faces were wet with tears. Her parents were fabulous, and everything a Gen Ed teacher could want parents to be: suportive, kind, tough, sweet, hysterically funny with wicked senses of humor, reasonable, right.
They were right.
Right for Dulce, right for me, right for Rahn.
They gave us Dulce - 40 hours a week.
Dulce gave us the family that she was denied at birth.
She gave me herself.
She gave me her parents and brothers.
She gave me Rahn.
She gave me Eadie.

She gave me confidence-there isn't a child I'll deny-and a desperate want to know how to do more.
She was "the most inclusive person I know" (so SO true Eadie, and beautifully said)
She lived her life as if each moment were truly her last.
People say that phrase, about living life, but few actually do.
Dulce did. Man, Dulce, did.

She was 10 when she died last week.
Dulce was a former student of mine who came into my life and changed me forever.
Dulce was a former student of mine who became part of my family - part of me.

Answers.
I don't have many more.
In the end of this part of her life, it was her beautiful big heart that needed to finally rest...Her heart.
In my mind I believe that for the first time, she heard clearly the amazing grace of G-d, calling to her:
"Dulce. Come."
She did.
Who could blame her?
I can't go now, but I know oh I know, that when the light in my life calls upon me
I WILL see Dulce again.
She will be there,
laughing,
holding out her hand,
pulling me into the second leg of our Amazing Race.

Answers.
Dulce was one child in a million.
She cannot ever be replaced.
But she's at peace, and I know how important finding peace is...
even if it means leaving people you love.

Dulce Maria Wahdan
1998-2008



















umarmen und lieben Dulce-
Harry

The Letter of Her Lifetime

The tribute I'm about to post was written by a beautiful woman, whose life was changed by one little girl.
Since Dulce's passing, so many people have been worried about her, worried because they were synonomous..."Dulce-Rahn"
They went together like peanut butter and jelly
They went together like eggs and toast
They went together like cookies and milk
-some days it was more like oil and vinegar-but
They went together.

Yin to Yang.
Air to Earth
Fire to Water

Dulce-Rahn

Dulce, we've decided, knew that time was precious and short.
She had an awesome job to accomplish and limited time to get the job done.

I'm so proud of you Chris-this is a wonderful, positive, and uplifting tribute to the extrordinary relationship you shared with her.
"Job well done, Rahn, job well done."

Dulce, we miss you, but our love for you will never die.
Dulce, we miss you, but our dreams for a world where all kids learn won't be darkened.
Dulce, we miss you, but you brought us together.
You made this amazing family a reality.
You.
G-d Bless your heart, honey, your big loud running laughing heart.
I love you
Harry

*****************************************
Dear Dulce.
Seems a bit unreal that this is happening today. Only for you would I be standing up here in front of all of these people, in a dress no less. How did I know that 6 years ago you would walk, ok run, into Hunters Woods and change all of our lives forever? We weren’t quite sure what to think of you and all your glory!
They say it takes a village to raise a child and I can honestly say that is true.
It wasn’t hard to see why people were drawn to you. You had so many different sides to you, one more different than the next. We could probably go around this room and not one person could repeat that of another.
-Tenacious -Full of energy –Social -Busy –loving –gutsy and nosey could be just a few.

My favorite was that guilty look you had on your face when you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to, and you fight to protest your innocence or try your best “wasn’t me face” on for size. Sorry, didn’t fit you too well. But mostly you were honest, sometimes to a fault when you got caught.
You made us realize why we chose our profession, why we became teachers. You weren’t an easy child. You were a challenge for us as teachers and human beings to find how to reach you and be the best DW you knew inside you could be. The journey on our way to reach that goal was never boring. I think we would be here all weekend if we tried to tell every story about Dulce. We all have many. It wasn’t a day if you didn’t hear your name being shouted down the hall or heard ”My Mom said” I want a playdate, or our favorite “Sorry!!”
The year you joined Hunters Woods, school and home became a close family. There wasn’t anything that couldn’t be honestly shared between us. Your family wanted to be challenged and to help you grow. We hoped we were up for the challenge.
You didn’t want to be treated different from your peers and were not shy about telling us that. You wanted to talk with your friends, and hang out with them in the bathroom. That made you late, but that made you feel like you belonged. You begged for us to help you learn. We didn’t know what your limits were, you didn’t want any. You didn’t know the meaning of no or I can’t, even on your toughest days.
With the blood sweat and tears (along with therapy bills) your family (home and in school) managed to take you to places that Dr’s never said you’d reach.
You would never talk? You didn’t stop. You had too much to say. Gone were the days you were content to sit and observe; you had lots of time to make up for. I remember talking to your parents and being over the moon that you were starting to talk and we were starting to understand you. Gone were the days we would just nod or say ok to whatever you said, you needed to be heard and understood.
Never write or learn to use the computer? You learned how to use the computer to write up playdate invitations much to the surprise to those around you! This also came in handy when you told us “no” or “sorry” one too many times! Get to writing my friend.
Never Read? You were in such a hurry to move past the ABC’s and picture books and in to reading books. Many doors were knocked on and celebrations had when you hit the a level. And then you demanded Mrs. Holley give you a level 8? Who knew. You did.
You blew into our lives like a tornado and hadn’t stopped running since. What we didn’t know was why you were in such a hurry. You were never really good at keeping a secret, but maybe this one was too important to share. A voice inside told you not to hold back and you took full advantage. You taught us not to hold back, that if we wanted something, we needed to go for it.
I don’t choose to dwell on this as a sad time, rather; I choose to celebrate your life and what you have meant to those all around you. I can’t even begin to tell you how you have changed me as a teacher and a person. You were with me for half of my teaching career and that is something special. Dulce, I like to tell my fellow teachers, especially new ones, that while all children are special, there will be at least one child that will epitomize life and all the challenges that it comes with. That was you. I probably didn’t tell you enough how special you were, but I think deep down you knew. Other teachers may be fortunate to develop a bond so special that it is hard to explain. This was my bond with you, whether either of us liked to admit it. You made me laugh. Cry. Pull out my hair. Amazed. Most of all PROUD. The days you walked in with your hair down, crimped or maybe gelled into a style of your creation, we knew it would be a challenge. Then again, you never took the easy way.

You and I had some adventures outside of school. We went to 5 Guys and you ate my fries, all the while insisting you didn’t want any. Our adventures at Target are still with me today. My favorite memory was when you met my nieces. Only the special people in my life meet them. You had worked hard and had asked so many times. You were so happy and excited to go. Then on the way home you weren’t afraid to point out my issues with directions. I took a wrong turn in Leesburg (we were), and I hear from the back seat, “Rahn are you lost?” Or the time you gave me the directions to your house when I was sure I knew where I was going, when I really wasn’t! But that was you. Never afraid to hold back in what you were thinking or had to say. It didn’t matter if it was in the middle of an assembly, during class, or even in the middle of Target, if you felt something was important enough to share it would be done.
The halls are a bit quieter now, but yet, they are not silent. I smile and like to think Heaven is a bit louder and more lively now. I like to think you have tossed those hearing aids aside, put on your prettiest dress and are enjoying the greatest playdate you ever had. We should all learn to put on our fancy dress and just let it all out for a time!
I told your Mom you are a legacy now. We would be here for days if everyone told a Dulce story full of your antics and thirst for life. We were honored to know you and you will never be forgotten. We are all better people for knowing you and will keep you close in our hearts and minds. Keep an eye on us and we will see you soon.
These words are my thoughts, but I would like to end with yours. Here is the Poem you wrote at the beginning of this year.

Love,
Rahn

You.

Your question-if you can find the right words-
you can.
They are there.

I told you that I thought you needed to see them on your time-time for just you and them-before others came in and let their grief dictate your connection.
I know it was hard, but I'm so glad you did, because now you know unequivocally
how tremendous the impact of your connection to their daughter was in their eyes.

Dulce may have started her life without family, in the traditional sense-
G-d found Jerri and Hassan for her...her name, remember the story Jerri told us about her name-
Chris, there were no coincidences in her life...
G-d had a plan-an amazing plan for her life.

They came to Hunters Woods, hopeful.
There were no guarantees, just hope.
What they found was family.

Jerri and Hassan created her family-they found her family-they were guided into a community that embraced Dulce's challenges and helped them conquer what Doctors said
could
not
be
done.

Remember when we asked Jerri is we could take Dulce on the Amazing Race-we knew we'd be the winning team, hands down! We laughed and joked about the play fighting and funny bed head hairdos we'd have-it was a hysterical notion, that made us all smile.

What we didn't know then, that I understand now, is that we were already on that Race. Dulce picked us to be her teammates, and we ran with it.
We ran with her.

Her life was amazing.

She was amazing.
She was playful.
She was kind.
She was naughty and mischievous.
She was dilligent and tenacious.
She learned.
She loved.
She lived.
She lived the Amazing Race.

How lucky were we-we got to run with her-
Maybe what we take from the sadness, is joy,
we take that joyful motion of Dulce-
that forward pressing motion that filled Dulce everyday,
we take it and press on, just as she would want us to.

I've said that I believe she was a messenger.
Like those before her, she has left us here to continue sharing her voice with others.

We become the messengers that make the change we want to see in the world happen-
We make that change happen for all other children,
because we know Dulce would want us to,
because we know that Dulce would have made it happen in spite of us all-

She got you into a dress, afterall...

You can do this.
You ARE the person to do this.
You have the words, YOU HAVE THE VOICE, and if you need help I'm here.

BIG hugs Robin...send out a bat signal if you need to, but know that the bat mobile is ready!
xoxoxox Momma-
Batman

The sweetest sorry

was the one I heard so many times a day-
"Sahwee Harry"
"Sahwee Rahn"
"Sahwee Turnie"

When my phone rang last week, I cried tears of joy, you were right there wanting lunch, chinese?
rice?
time together?
time on the phone for a day well done.

We used to call Tony that way-you would laugh and yell into the phone
"Toonneeey" and tell him everything about life in Virginia and make him tell you everything about life where he was in the world...

I hope wherever you are tonight the memories of those calls, those special special days, the fun we had together, the trouble we caused, them smile you put on the face of every person you called friend-that those moments of your life are cradling you into a loving eternal sleep.

Dulce Maria Wahdan.

We will all love you forever.
We will never, ever forget you.
Your life was a gift-
I will thank G-d every day for the rest of my life for the time I had with you.
You made me a better teacher, you made me a better person, you made me want to make the world a better place.

I miss your voice already-
I promise to take good care of Rahn...
I promise.
I love you honey, with all my heart-
Harry

crack is real-it is also known as

facebook.

holy mess.

this is not good...I'm LOVING finding the people who knew me when, and are still their wonderfully fabulous selves (all these years later...and with some of them, yes it's been years!) heh

BUT the flip side is me not getting out the door on time, to get to school early enough, to be ready for the student teacher who showed up today...who I had TOTALLY forgotten about in my "catch up with the world" madness.

um. yeah.

apparently I'm part of the slacker generation.

umarmen und lieben
essie
ps I love this man-he gives me goosebumps!

Remembering and Orange Birthday Wishes

I would say, that after all these years, I'm the realist in my marriage...
TL is the romantic, interestingly, not me.

When I met him, I thought he was a Forest Ranger-
seriously-
I did.

It's one of the first of a lifetime of ridiculous Esther/Tony stories that we have floating around out there.
I had
n.o.
c.l.u.e.
about what he really did for a living.
I learned fast.

This life, we live, isn't for everyone-

TL tells me I should always have hope.
(I can be Debbie Downer, I'm not proud of it, but I know my own evil.)
He's right.
There should always be a glimmer of hope.
Maybe that's why I stay in the classroom with my littles-they're too small to be jaded by politics, prices, and pundits.
The world is a small place for them; save knowing that Iraq and Afgahnistan take their parents far away, for long periods of time-hopefully, not forever.
They find joy in little people things, and, I get that. I like that.

In my classroom today, I had no idea what to expect...so...
Today we read my special book "On September 12th We Knew Everything Would Be Alright" It makes me cry when I read it aloud, but it makes me feel better.
Today we celebrated the 7th birthday of a little guy in my classroom by making him a birthday book filled chock full to the brim of "Happy Birthday Wishes." His classmates asked him what his favorite color was-
orange.
He got lots and lots of orange wishes.
Today we made our own American flags, and some of my littles, sang the national anthem as they glued down their colored strips.

It was a long day, but it was a happy day.
We were all full of hope today in my classroom-it was nice, it was good, it was right to do.

Today, the country, our country, my country-their country-remembers.
Tomorrow, we hope that the world our world, my world-their world-moves one step closer to being a better place for all mankind.

It was the best orange birthday wish that I could hope to come true-ever-
Karen and Jeremy, we remember.

umarmen und lieben
essie

the one where gummies are on the house!

two sports fanatical Harrisons-aren't they darling?!
Ben and, our #1 nephew, Jacob


after a fantastic day at Aquatica Water Park

And now a little break-


my favorite "Robert Plant" impersonator


my stunningly beautiful daughter


love you, buddy!


woohoo!
Aunt Julie's turn at a hole in one


Doodle Bug


Uncle Todd and Aunt Julie


Hi Aunt Tanya


Est and Jack!


Double Prestons!
Double holes in one...double the trouble...double the fun!

As you may, or may not know, our family lives for golf. One would assume, given the seriousness of our families relationship with golf (on both sides mind you) that 18 holes would be a terribly professional affair.
When this family is on vacation the answer would be:
WRONG.
We are crazy mad over putt putt.
We take our putt putt more seriously than most folks take the masters.
We really do.
Let the photos speak for themselves!


Beautiful Ellie Belle

picture vomit part II or "The one where we get to Florida"

Coming up next...

"Aunt Essie!"
"I got a hole in THREE!!"


the first of many "proof" photos!


the photo says it all-there is nothing like a swimming pool and too many Harrisons there to count!


the beginning of the MARATHON Harrison Family Rock Band tour


WHO has a cuter niece?!
Seriously?
I ask you?


Oma Chris and Pres at Julie's birthday dinner Japanese Steakhouse style!

picture vomit part I or "The one where we spent 4 days trying to fly to the States"

safe and sound in JACKSON misissippi, no snap of Dollie, this old old camera of mine decided to die right after this was taken...which meant no fabbo photos of the 16 hour drive we took to get back to Virginia.


now we're watching movies...lying down...on the floor...of a C-17!!


notice Dollie, BEHIND Ben, asleep on the FLOOR of the plane!
Seriously, how cool is that?!


Tired, but thankful to be flying!


The view from my hammock seat, FINALLY on a plane, after waiting to get manifested on ANY flight out for 4 days!!


Team Leader with an OLD Ranger Buddy "Robert" who we saw on his way downrange after 9years! I hadn't seen Robert since our WEDDING!