when i hear the song, it always makes me cry, soppy sentamentality i assume.
but it does
and, those who know me, understand why.
2008 was an amazing year.
it was a year of giving, receiving, losing, finding
many many "ings"
we've already celebrated here in germany, and team leader's first comment,
"this year will be good-i can feel it!"
we are far away, but the love we feel for everyone of you is only as far away as a beating heart
chock full of soppy sentamentality.
"i'll drink a cup of kindness yet
for auld lang syne..."
with all my love, and happy wishes for a GOOD new year
welcome 2009
umarmen und lieben
essie
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
no. 200! Or the one where Momma catches up from a whirlwind month o' love!
i'm back folks!
the past few weeks have been slammed with family fun, celebration, love, peace, joy, and now...some quiet before we ring in 2009!
starting with Mr. Ben
who turned 9 this month...
i was roused out of my comfy bed that morning to the sound of his sweet voice in my ear:
"momma, can you believe it? your baby is NINE today!"
naturally, i cried.
who ever thinks that, in the moment of cradling an infant and kissing his soft forehead, that the child in your arms would ever be big?
i didn't.
but big has snuck up on me
most of his friends were stateside for the holidays, save one-Alex, so we went with "Preston's Crew" to one of our favorite places "JumpInn."
JumpInn is a warehouse that is full of trampolines, inflatable climbing things and the whatnot that wears kids out, AND sells alcohol to parents who have to sit there for 4 hours and watch.
nice!
Mr. Ben had more gifts to enjoy than even a TEN year old could open...it was a wonderful birthday that merged into the first night of Hannukah
lighting the candles, using Ben's menorah this year, was a special treat...we had our dear friends Dan and Jules
come from Belgium for the week.
they got to celebrate many nights of Hannukah in addition to the Christmas Eve revelry that rolled into 5 days of nothing but fun, friendship, and (extended) family.
always game for "mandatory fun ala Casa H" is our other friend John
such a good sport-putting up with the management of 5 highly opinionated folks...he truly "goes with the flow!"
he was with us for the holidays too-waay back in early december, when TL was tdy, he ventured out to not 1, but 2 Wheinnacht Markts-my favorite places this time of year-where he was convinced i would be arrested for my "grow as we go" collection of ghluwein mugs!
(i wasn't-you pay a deposit, and if you keep the mug or get too drunk to return it, you forfit the deposit-so there!)
but wheinnachts markts will be another post-
and this post...
a slight pause in programming my friends-oreo has to go out!
umarmen und lieben
essie
i'll be back-promise!!
the past few weeks have been slammed with family fun, celebration, love, peace, joy, and now...some quiet before we ring in 2009!
starting with Mr. Ben
who turned 9 this month...
i was roused out of my comfy bed that morning to the sound of his sweet voice in my ear:
"momma, can you believe it? your baby is NINE today!"
naturally, i cried.
who ever thinks that, in the moment of cradling an infant and kissing his soft forehead, that the child in your arms would ever be big?
i didn't.
but big has snuck up on me
most of his friends were stateside for the holidays, save one-Alex, so we went with "Preston's Crew" to one of our favorite places "JumpInn."JumpInn is a warehouse that is full of trampolines, inflatable climbing things and the whatnot that wears kids out, AND sells alcohol to parents who have to sit there for 4 hours and watch.
nice!
Mr. Ben had more gifts to enjoy than even a TEN year old could open...it was a wonderful birthday that merged into the first night of Hannukah
lighting the candles, using Ben's menorah this year, was a special treat...we had our dear friends Dan and Jules
come from Belgium for the week. they got to celebrate many nights of Hannukah in addition to the Christmas Eve revelry that rolled into 5 days of nothing but fun, friendship, and (extended) family.
always game for "mandatory fun ala Casa H" is our other friend John
such a good sport-putting up with the management of 5 highly opinionated folks...he truly "goes with the flow!" he was with us for the holidays too-waay back in early december, when TL was tdy, he ventured out to not 1, but 2 Wheinnacht Markts-my favorite places this time of year-where he was convinced i would be arrested for my "grow as we go" collection of ghluwein mugs!
(i wasn't-you pay a deposit, and if you keep the mug or get too drunk to return it, you forfit the deposit-so there!)
but wheinnachts markts will be another post-
and this post...
a slight pause in programming my friends-oreo has to go out!
umarmen und lieben
essie
i'll be back-promise!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
call it as you see it
WWE
tricky...most folks associate WWE with total "redneckery"
(yes, i just made that word up, go with me here.)
i know that i did.
when we moved here, tv was, tv was,
limited-at best!
what we could count on, programming wise,
was wrestling...
lots and lots of wrestling..
not exactly my version of "must see tv"
and i can't say that i was overjoyed when
Mr. Ben decided that John Cena was as close to immortal as a man could possibly be.
who in the heck was this guy?
why did someone named the Undertaker have more control over my son than i did?!
seriously!
in the past 16 months, i've learned to accept the growing WWE cult fascination that has eclipsed the family, i still think most of it is rubbish but i cannot contain my intense dislike for Randy Orton, JBL, and someone else who just looks like a big fatso throwing men around in a speedo.
focusing back to topic:
last night Team Leader came into the bedroom and said
"honey-check out this site
and this NOW."
i did.
you need to also.
last night WWE and Ultimate Fighting had an event in Fayetteville North Carolina-Ft. Bragg-at the Crown Colleseum, down the road from our house. The event was televised on pay per view for one reason...to help raise money for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund.
very famous wrestlers (in the WWE world) and fighters (in the Ulitmate Fight world)spoke personally about the desperate need to address the startling absence of medicinal, theraputic, and psychological support with respect to soldiers (and their survivors) returning from war with traumatic brain injury "TBI"
i was amazed.
TBI is something our family has endured for 12 years now-since my father's tragic heart surgery-it is a horrifying daily test of extreme emotional upheaval.
the brain is a mysterious organ-full of hope and disaster-love and loss.
believe me when i say...
i know this all too well.
what i am most surprised by-and i know i shouldn't be- is this;
these men and women aren't willing to wait for the government to provide lackluster care for our troops.
these men and women aren't willing to lose another person-not one more.
these men and women are becoming part of the solution-rather than band-aid the problem.
because THEY see the problem
and
they won't say no.
WWE has been voted the most supportive troop entertainment by the USO for years.
it's no wonder.
putting their money where their mouths are, these folks spend as much time downrange as they do onstage, it's a 50-50 split.
when they disembark, morale is screamingly high, soldiers FEEL that they aren't alone.
holidays-no matter
anniversaries-no matter
birthdays-no matter
if the troops need it, WWE makes it happen.
So.
This year.
if you find yourself unsure of HOW to REALLY support our troops and not just drive around in an SUV or fancy sedan with a yellow ribbon magnet by your gas tank declaring your support...
do this.
make a donation
donate to making a soldier's life worth living again
Intrepid Fallen Heroes
Fight for the Troops
umarmen und lieben
essie
tricky...most folks associate WWE with total "redneckery"
(yes, i just made that word up, go with me here.)
i know that i did.
when we moved here, tv was, tv was,
limited-at best!
what we could count on, programming wise,
was wrestling...
lots and lots of wrestling..
not exactly my version of "must see tv"
and i can't say that i was overjoyed when
Mr. Ben decided that John Cena was as close to immortal as a man could possibly be.
who in the heck was this guy?
why did someone named the Undertaker have more control over my son than i did?!
seriously!
in the past 16 months, i've learned to accept the growing WWE cult fascination that has eclipsed the family, i still think most of it is rubbish but i cannot contain my intense dislike for Randy Orton, JBL, and someone else who just looks like a big fatso throwing men around in a speedo.
focusing back to topic:
last night Team Leader came into the bedroom and said
"honey-check out this site
and this NOW."
i did.
you need to also.
last night WWE and Ultimate Fighting had an event in Fayetteville North Carolina-Ft. Bragg-at the Crown Colleseum, down the road from our house. The event was televised on pay per view for one reason...to help raise money for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund.
very famous wrestlers (in the WWE world) and fighters (in the Ulitmate Fight world)spoke personally about the desperate need to address the startling absence of medicinal, theraputic, and psychological support with respect to soldiers (and their survivors) returning from war with traumatic brain injury "TBI"
i was amazed.
TBI is something our family has endured for 12 years now-since my father's tragic heart surgery-it is a horrifying daily test of extreme emotional upheaval.
the brain is a mysterious organ-full of hope and disaster-love and loss.
believe me when i say...
i know this all too well.
what i am most surprised by-and i know i shouldn't be- is this;
these men and women aren't willing to wait for the government to provide lackluster care for our troops.
these men and women aren't willing to lose another person-not one more.
these men and women are becoming part of the solution-rather than band-aid the problem.
because THEY see the problem
and
they won't say no.
WWE has been voted the most supportive troop entertainment by the USO for years.
it's no wonder.
putting their money where their mouths are, these folks spend as much time downrange as they do onstage, it's a 50-50 split.
when they disembark, morale is screamingly high, soldiers FEEL that they aren't alone.
holidays-no matter
anniversaries-no matter
birthdays-no matter
if the troops need it, WWE makes it happen.
So.
This year.
if you find yourself unsure of HOW to REALLY support our troops and not just drive around in an SUV or fancy sedan with a yellow ribbon magnet by your gas tank declaring your support...
do this.
make a donation
donate to making a soldier's life worth living again
Intrepid Fallen Heroes
Fight for the Troops
umarmen und lieben
essie
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
good thing
changing the mood, ever so...
there i was.
standing in the commissary, at self check
little tired,
looking a little rough,
but remembering Nicola's email,
and smiling at the kid who was helping me load my canvas bags onto the turnstile instead of using plastic-
holding up all the other shoppers behind me, I'm certain.
when I heard my name-
like a shriek, that i didn't expect (i was at the commissary after all)
i jumped and saw my friend Michelle running at me.
Michelle who always wears a smile-
Michelle who was beaming and yelling my name-
in the commissary!
back ground/sidebar
Michelle is the president of our Spouses Club.
she's the friend who roped me into being the Membership Chair (and I will ALWAYS say, all I thought the job entailed was writing thank-you notes...)
today was our BOG meeting, and a really big welfare request was on the table.
big people, really big.
it was the kind of need that most people hear about and think
"well...better luck next time"
it was for children in the community where I work...
a base-post which is technically a tiny piece of American soil...
where many "have-nots" reside.
in the past all they have heard is
"no."
i have been praying for change in this community-
and today
there was Michelle to tell me
that
this amazing group of people said
"yes."
because they could and they wanted to-
they said yes.
and, "yes" was unanimous-
such a wonderfully good good thing!
a mitzvah, in this season of thanks, blessing, and goodwill
these children get all that and more!
opportunity
hope
education
the world is a bigger place tonight
big and good.
yay!!
umarmen und lieben
essie
there i was.
standing in the commissary, at self check
little tired,
looking a little rough,
but remembering Nicola's email,
and smiling at the kid who was helping me load my canvas bags onto the turnstile instead of using plastic-
holding up all the other shoppers behind me, I'm certain.
when I heard my name-
like a shriek, that i didn't expect (i was at the commissary after all)
i jumped and saw my friend Michelle running at me.
Michelle who always wears a smile-
Michelle who was beaming and yelling my name-
in the commissary!
back ground/sidebar
Michelle is the president of our Spouses Club.
she's the friend who roped me into being the Membership Chair (and I will ALWAYS say, all I thought the job entailed was writing thank-you notes...)
today was our BOG meeting, and a really big welfare request was on the table.
big people, really big.
it was the kind of need that most people hear about and think
"well...better luck next time"
it was for children in the community where I work...
a base-post which is technically a tiny piece of American soil...
where many "have-nots" reside.
in the past all they have heard is
"no."
i have been praying for change in this community-
and today
there was Michelle to tell me
that
this amazing group of people said
"yes."
because they could and they wanted to-
they said yes.
and, "yes" was unanimous-
such a wonderfully good good thing!
a mitzvah, in this season of thanks, blessing, and goodwill
these children get all that and more!
opportunity
hope
education
the world is a bigger place tonight
big and good.
yay!!
umarmen und lieben
essie
Sunday, December 07, 2008
thinking about thinking
is it more important to have the gifts wrapped and mailed, cards addressed and on the way?
or
is it more important to sit down and make a gingerbread house with one of your children-
is it more important to stop and hug your high schooler-staring straight into his eyes when you say "i love you"-
is it more important to reach out and hold a little hand as you navigate through a bustling village square-
is it more important to take a minute to answer a deliberately asked question, with honesty and reverence-
what is more important?
the hustle that we've all bought into,
or
the moments that make us real-
the moments that make us human-
the moments that make us approachable-
i know what i think...what about you?
umarmen und lieben
essie
or
is it more important to sit down and make a gingerbread house with one of your children-
is it more important to stop and hug your high schooler-staring straight into his eyes when you say "i love you"-
is it more important to reach out and hold a little hand as you navigate through a bustling village square-
is it more important to take a minute to answer a deliberately asked question, with honesty and reverence-
what is more important?
the hustle that we've all bought into,
or
the moments that make us real-
the moments that make us human-
the moments that make us approachable-
i know what i think...what about you?
umarmen und lieben
essie
Friday, December 05, 2008
goooood morning
just woke up-haven't even had coffee-knew I had to blog b/c I woke up to Britney Spears' new song "Womanizer" racing through my head.
seriously
WHAT is that about?
so today's post is about other people waking up-
without coffee-
without britney songs dancing through their heads-
waking up, back at home in germany, rather than Iraq or Afghanistan.
yesterday a company returned to mannheim from a 15 month of tour of duty.
i had a few kinder out of school, because daddy was back.
daddy was back!
driving off post yesterday the entrance gates were COVERED with welcome signs.
some were funny, with funny family photos, funny greeings-funny.
some were serious, with serious photos, serious words-serious.
some made absolutely no sense at all...to anyone, that is, except the recipient.
a few were heartbreakingly full of love, loss, angst over time that was gone.
one struck me-hard.
all it said was "-----, in a few minutes, you'll be back in my arms"
when i saw it i started to cry.
it's very hard to explain this life to my civilian friends.
they do a wonderful job of laughing away the "essie-crazy" of my life, and listening to me complain about one thing or another...most of them can read my morning face and tell if team leader and i are "in a fight!"
but this life-my life-they've all said, at one time or another, that they don't get it and wouldn't want it.
which i understand.
as i have said many times
it isn't for everyone.
imagine your a husband or wife leaving for a 15 month business trip that could kill him or her...it's unfathomable, really it is...just friggen nuts.
you don't get to see them for at least 7 months, and when you do, it's for 2 weeks.
phone calls, emails, they're nice and all, but it's not the same as having someone you love
in
your
arms.
not the same.
this isn't a "whoa feel sorry for us" post
i know that i married a soldier, "not the mailman" as I often joke
but for today, on my blog, because i can
not a sermon, just a thought...
for your significant other, today,
wrap them in your arms and TELL them that you love them
saying with meaning and intensity
look them in the eye and whisper
"i love you"
because for every daddy that came home, somewhere there is a family that didn't get a reunion-
daddy, uncle, son, brother will not be coming home.
**side note: i just read in our morning news that 15 soliders died from this company.
please say a small prayer for their survivors, as this weekend will be particularly difficult for them, the deceased brothers-in-arms, and their commanders.**
my dear friend leah emailed the horrifying news 2 months ago that a 5th grade teacher at my school in NC had been informed that her husband had been killed overseas.
the word now, is that no one really talks about it at school...what can you say?
there isn't much.
so do it.
say i love you and mean it, no matter what kind of day you end up having
you won't regret how it started
be thankful for the daily rituals that may drive you crazy
be thankful for the person who
doesn't
have
to
go
be thankful and say so.
now.
it's time for coffee.
umarmen und lieben
essie
seriously
WHAT is that about?
so today's post is about other people waking up-
without coffee-
without britney songs dancing through their heads-
waking up, back at home in germany, rather than Iraq or Afghanistan.
yesterday a company returned to mannheim from a 15 month of tour of duty.
i had a few kinder out of school, because daddy was back.
daddy was back!
driving off post yesterday the entrance gates were COVERED with welcome signs.
some were funny, with funny family photos, funny greeings-funny.
some were serious, with serious photos, serious words-serious.
some made absolutely no sense at all...to anyone, that is, except the recipient.
a few were heartbreakingly full of love, loss, angst over time that was gone.
one struck me-hard.
all it said was "-----, in a few minutes, you'll be back in my arms"
when i saw it i started to cry.
it's very hard to explain this life to my civilian friends.
they do a wonderful job of laughing away the "essie-crazy" of my life, and listening to me complain about one thing or another...most of them can read my morning face and tell if team leader and i are "in a fight!"
but this life-my life-they've all said, at one time or another, that they don't get it and wouldn't want it.
which i understand.
as i have said many times
it isn't for everyone.
imagine your a husband or wife leaving for a 15 month business trip that could kill him or her...it's unfathomable, really it is...just friggen nuts.
you don't get to see them for at least 7 months, and when you do, it's for 2 weeks.
phone calls, emails, they're nice and all, but it's not the same as having someone you love
in
your
arms.
not the same.
this isn't a "whoa feel sorry for us" post
i know that i married a soldier, "not the mailman" as I often joke
but for today, on my blog, because i can
not a sermon, just a thought...
for your significant other, today,
wrap them in your arms and TELL them that you love them
saying with meaning and intensity
look them in the eye and whisper
"i love you"
because for every daddy that came home, somewhere there is a family that didn't get a reunion-
daddy, uncle, son, brother will not be coming home.
**side note: i just read in our morning news that 15 soliders died from this company.
please say a small prayer for their survivors, as this weekend will be particularly difficult for them, the deceased brothers-in-arms, and their commanders.**
my dear friend leah emailed the horrifying news 2 months ago that a 5th grade teacher at my school in NC had been informed that her husband had been killed overseas.
the word now, is that no one really talks about it at school...what can you say?
there isn't much.
so do it.
say i love you and mean it, no matter what kind of day you end up having
you won't regret how it started
be thankful for the daily rituals that may drive you crazy
be thankful for the person who
doesn't
have
to
go
be thankful and say so.
now.
it's time for coffee.
umarmen und lieben
essie
with love, and thanks, to my friend Nicola
today the following was in my email at school from a wonderful woman who is my friend, here, in germany.
i say that, because, when we got here, and team leader was immediately thrown into work leaving me and the kids utterly ALONE,
i quickly realized that i probably wouldn't be making too many "new friends" while we lived here...no crying, i had to be the grown-up for the sake of our kids.
i quickly realized that i had, all the friends i needed, everything already in place in my life before i stepped one foot into this new life.
i quickly realized a whole lotta stuff when we moved.
while nothing changes how much i miss ya'll back in the states,
after i met her, a few fabulous kindergarten folkies who get my "utter essie-ness", and a sped teacher with whom i basically share a birthday-
i quickly realized i was wrong.
there was-is room in my heart for a few more friends...
enjoy
umarmen und lieben
essie
ps (heh, always WATKINS)
i loved the whole thing, but, 22, 16, 12, 9, 3-wowzers.
************************************************************************************
A GREAT RECIPE...
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk,
smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God
about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following
statement, 'My purpose is to_______________ today. I am thankful
for__________________'
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less
food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild
Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires,
issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot
control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner
like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You are not so important that you have to win every
argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five
years, will this matter?'
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends will. Stay in touch!!!
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following
statements: I am thankful for_________________. Today I
accomplished_________________.
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many
blessings...You'll be smiling before you know it.
i say that, because, when we got here, and team leader was immediately thrown into work leaving me and the kids utterly ALONE,
i quickly realized that i probably wouldn't be making too many "new friends" while we lived here...no crying, i had to be the grown-up for the sake of our kids.
i quickly realized that i had, all the friends i needed, everything already in place in my life before i stepped one foot into this new life.
i quickly realized a whole lotta stuff when we moved.
while nothing changes how much i miss ya'll back in the states,
after i met her, a few fabulous kindergarten folkies who get my "utter essie-ness", and a sped teacher with whom i basically share a birthday-
i quickly realized i was wrong.
there was-is room in my heart for a few more friends...
enjoy
umarmen und lieben
essie
ps (heh, always WATKINS)
i loved the whole thing, but, 22, 16, 12, 9, 3-wowzers.
************************************************************************************
A GREAT RECIPE...
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk,
smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God
about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following
statement, 'My purpose is to_______________ today. I am thankful
for__________________'
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less
food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild
Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires,
issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot
control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner
like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You are not so important that you have to win every
argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five
years, will this matter?'
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends will. Stay in touch!!!
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following
statements: I am thankful for_________________. Today I
accomplished_________________.
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many
blessings...You'll be smiling before you know it.
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