"Sahwee"

That was Dulce-her most famous one liner, which I must borrow as it seems to fit for this post...

Friday was a REALLY
REALLY
REALLY bad night.
The weekend wasn't so hot either, but Friday, well I think I hit rock bottom.
I told Hannah that talking to people has made me miss them SO much more it actually hurts and Friday night I got to speak to Alex AND Eadie...by the time I got home I was done.

I was done with work (which still really sucks, but I guess, oh well)
I was done with dishes
I was done with laundry
I was so done with our two dogs-
I was done with gift wrap and glitter everywhere
(and you all know how much I love glitter!!)
I was done staring at my living room and feeling like nothing in it was home for me, nothing was real.

What I "got" over the weekend is, living here in NC is real.
For now, I can't change that.

What is also very real, is how much I care for and miss all of you-
so much
so, so much.

Everyday, each of you did something that made my day real (-even if "we were in a fight!")
Everyday I knew you'd pop in or out somehow, maybe a phone call, maybe an email, a funny pair of socks, a song on the radio that my kids shouldn't hear (much less sing), a morning radio show, breakfast a la Safeway, or surprise me with Starbucks, a beautiful child who smiled their daily greeting-or shouted it for that matter...every way you shared your lives with me.
I didn't say it out loud enough, my heart must have taken it all in.
It all mattered.

You were all my clique...and click, we did.
I think my heart broke a little on Friday, and I'm so sorry if I freaked anyone out, but I just couldn't keep it all in and was so sad! Blogger got the best of me, and the end result was my post.

SO, I am taking Avery's advice and not listening to Michael Buble' ANYMORE! Tony has promised to take at least one Friday off a month just for us/our family, and isn't football season over soon?! We'll see more of him then too, I hope!

Rae reaches out through storm clouds for me and Hannah said that I can get to the end of the year; she's right, I can. Alex and Eadie helped me recognize that hard decisions are hard decisions, but always happen for a reason. Rahn knows what to say, even when it makes her feel uncomfortable...Tali, we'll talk soon! I have an "effing" conference to go to, tomorrow, overnight. La reminded me that this IS my season, so the tree goes up this weekend! Gab and e, with what you have been through this year, I have no right to be silly-thank you for you and understanding me.

With all your hugs and love, I'll get back to me. I'm under all these curls-well frizz actually-the winter here is just rain, which really sucks for curly headed people!
thank you guys-I love you all so so much-

essie

now, b/c I am clearly a spazz, I can't get my song to play...it's a good one
"You Get What You Give" by New Radicals and definately worth the listen.
xoxo
e