and where exactly has january gone?

could someone please tell me-
i thought i knew
i guess i don't...all these days are just rolling into time
racing past my heart and head

waaaay too fast

biggers returned from Model UN yesterday
MORNING
and turns right around to fly back to the states
TOMORROW
for college visits

seriously...i'm in desperate need of "do-over" years
not do-over moments, but actual
years.

pity party over now!
this week was something.
if you get a chance, google
Barbara Coloroso
she's uh-maze-zing.

my school signed the first "anti-bullying" policy between agency and the army after the pilot program in another garrison was completed

Barbara Coloroso had a LOT to do with this, Barbara and the momma friend of mine who has done fabulous things for the agency in her job.

it's a lofty goal to eliminate bullying from a school, but, to eliminate bullying from a
community
it takes commitment, courage, and cahones!
it really does take a village...

google Barbara and you'll see where we are headed-
21st century learning never looked so inspired.

umarmen und lieben
essie

here we are

back again after a rapid fire work week
wow.
was i ever busy...

today it is cold and icky in germany

bleech.

yesterday: a very long and incredibly productive meeting and doodle bug got a fabbo haircut/dye
today: Model UN trip madness before prestie leaves for the Hague and Harry's 50th birthday
tomorrow: laundry, raking, mopping, cooking and driving

dontcha wish my life was yours?!!

here we are...domesticity and mid life living...at it's finest.

umarmen und lieben
essie

home again home again jiggety jig!

long drive home in the very strange snow...snow-ish...wind...wind-ish.

home with a box full of love AND cookies
from florida
clothes-ies from colorado
and random items
from amazon

today on the menu at casa h
the taking down of a beautiful and very short lived
christmas tree

our only tree in morlenbach
the only time we will know the holidays in
this house

down
down
down.

so far, what took hours to find,
put up,
light,
and decorate
has taken a remarkable
93 minutes
to dismantle.

i have a table covered in
ornaments
and three pieces of
christmas tree
waiting on the couch to go into the
10 month box
before they are
ALL
pulled out again for the holidays in
wherever we are about to land...
next

there is something very exciting about
the unknown
the insane anticipation that brought us here
to the Odenwald
has tempered ever so slightly
because in great part
i know
100%
that we can do this...live in another country
miss who and what we love
skype or facetime
translate between no less than three languages on a daily basis
pay bills online...almost with regularity :o)
check the mail
buy groceries us or euro style
walk our dogs

we can live here and we can do it without
"holy hot mess batman" freak outs that were a little too regular this past fall
sometimes we're more spontaneous than other times
sometimes there's more available euro than other times
sometimes what's important ends up being not so much
and in all these times we've learned
we can roll with it
we can deal with it
or
we can simply let it go.

not in anyway
the end of the world
jiggety jig!

umarmen und lieben
essie

doing

i can't say
"done and done"
YET
but today
the first of many many teacher boxes went
into the lounge with a happy sign that said
"FREE to a NEW home"

and, not looking back, taking no prisoners...

it felt really good!

books, lesson plans, activities, learning centers
all of it
sitting in the lounge waiting for new homes
a fresh start
for years of happy teaching
that until this afternoon
had been languishing in the basement

next week: five more boxes
and me, one week closer to a finish line that is really
my beginning

umarmen und lieben
essie

the fine line

hmmm...
what IS the fine line?
WHERE is the fine line?
how have i been missing it for so very long?!

we are safely INto 2012
next week i will have been commuting from
home
to
hohenfels
for twelve complete weeks.

which i can hardly believe
because as i explained to doodlebug
i keep myself as busy at work as i possibly can
to stop from missing
home
so very much

12 weeks have passed and
we're still dealing with boxes from
august
boxes actually from
august 2007
when we first arrived in germany

and so
with the fine line closing in on ME
and in my honest attempt to be
a true role model
this weekend i do the unthinkable...

teacher boxes
full
of the greatest, longest, hardest, most earnest
days of my life
are coming back to hohenfels with me
up
for
grabs.

it's time for me to start accepting the fine line is maybe more
of a finish line

and i have to start somewhere
or we will have august boxes from 2012
in the basement in 2017
and that folks is really where i
must
draw the line.

umarmen und lieben
essie

trying trying!

internet is hard to come by when i'm not at casa h...
my teeny tiny little boarding house room-not exactly the plaza when it comes to modern amenities.

it IS a safe, warm place though, when it's time to sleep after a long day at school.
i'm grateful.

that role model wish for 2012
i'm trying
really i am

sitting here in the java
watching all the high schoolers come and go-
next year will be good for the 2 harrisons who move here
with
lots of room for the harrison getting ready to
spread his wings
and our extra harrison-for the boys to come back to-
next year will be good.

for now though, we're trying
to finish the quarter
to learn new routines
to prepare for indoor soccer
to study for AP exams
to move forward

it's all we can do
role model with a smile

umarmen und lieben
essie

auld lang syne really means...

this year on NYE we actually had all 5 in the car for enough time to share our resolve and get into what we thought 2012 would help us accomplish...
 (not in any order they follow)
 good grades
acceptance into the college of my heart
learn german-not just liquid courage german-really speaking
improve my vocabulary
be a better role model

pretty lofty for casa h!

however everyone had something to say and given that for the past few years there have been
lists
suggestions
attitudes
heartbreak
disaster
joy
unexpected surprise
the absence of silence when we went around the car, i took as, a good sign

 it's funny to me how the change from one year to the next can provide
comfort and expectation
all at once
newness must do that-
re-charge our inner battery just enough for hope to float to the surface
come January 1st.

 shaking bad habits
dusting yourself off when you're down
coming back for more-day in...day out
commitment = the work of life

without hope stashed somewhere in the mix all you have is pressure

 like i said before...no more balls in the air this year no more pressure
2012: you're heeeere, and in my head and in my heart, hope floats
time to get started on that role model stuff.

 umarmen und lieben
essie

let the new year begin

2011 was without question the year of greatest upset and upheaval that i can remember

it's been a very long time coming-waiting for 2012
waiting for the ball to drop
waiting

in 2011 our family spent too much time with balls up in the air-
that kind of pressure, no one needs to live with

in 2012 our family has already many great things to look forward to
moments that will become memories
moments where laughing is the norm
moments where tears come from joy

2012 we're ready, no more waiting.
umarmen und lieben
essie

gabby

this post is for you-

because i could
really i could leave a message on every post that your blog shares

you are such a wonderful wifey
you are such a marvelous momma
you are such a spectacular sister
you are such a fantastic friend...
i know right now you're blushing, laughing, and saying
"aaawwww essie-cakes, you are such a silly mess"
I can hear your voice in my head!
:o)

you ARE all these things, and so much more, gabness you truly are.

the memories you are working on making with your littles
the sleep you are losing because tamales and peppermint playdoh are callin
the grey along max's snout
the half smiles of your face (b/c a precious cherub has more photo space)
the look of complete satisfaction on mr. mike

you've accomplished this all
you have it good baby girl, i'm so proud of you!

G-d bless you this holiday and every day
with all my love
essie-cakes

eBee

on a sunday 2 weeks ago
this nugget, of nothing but pure goodness,
became the newest member of our family.

as you can see, she came too soon...
so soon, that other people would say, this might be very difficult-
but other people don't know what i know.

my niece, Evelyn Beatrice, "EvieB"
my little lovebug,
my EBee
she has the heart of a lion
and the will to live that pales in comparison
to any wonder of the world i've ever seen.

in fact-in my eyes-
she's the 8th wonder of the world-
blessing and miracle all wrapped up in 2 pounds of sugar

so tiny
yet
so big
already
at 2 weeks
her spirit fills my heart
her want to be with her family
fills my soul

i cannot wait to meet her...these are the moments when 6000 miles does make the difference
and the difference right now is hard

for now
our coffeetalks will have to suffice.

my little bumblebee...we welcome you with love!
aunt essie

twenty six years = nine thousand, four hundred and ninety days

in January 1986, Team Leader graduated from Ranger School...
he enlisted in october of 1985

waaay before he knew that in anchorage alaska his future was running track, dancing ballet, swimming, eating at McDonalds

his future was waiting for him, and, he had no clue.

he joined the service and made a decision to see this committment to his country
through
in the hardest way, as a Ranger, born into battalion
not looking back.

lately, he's had time to look back-
yesterday was the culmination of a twenty six year long career and a future,
he never saw coming.

today my husband,
MY center of gravity,
the man who has given me everything I never saw coming
used his Retiree ID card to access base.

talk about a moment.

yesterday when he finalized his status i apoloigized for not being THERE with him as he walked into his new life
his answer was simple:
"26 years ago I walked in quietly, by myself and today, 26 years later I'll walk out quietly...by myself"

when we hung up the phone i cried for a minute.

he's given so much, and you know today, all the people who saw the effective date on his new id card...not one person said thank you...which surprised me.

lessons learned over 26 years of service:
if YOU know why you did it, no one needs to say thank you, but it sure is nice.

lessons learned over 20 years of service:
marriage is forever.

I love you Tony-
thank you for everything you have done to secure our country in it's time of need
thank you for everything you have done to secure peace for all who desire calm and understanding
thank you for always being the person prepared
to give the ultimate sacrifice
to fight for the oppressed
to be the man our family can look up to-

congratulations, with all our love,
e,p,d, b, AND k

EIGHTEEN?!?!?!?!!!!

once in a lifetime someone you love turns
18.
today it was biggers...
my number 1

the child who made me a mommy
rocked every single second of my world for
9 months
and arrived with a smile that melted my heart
and set the bar
high
high
high

he turned eighteen
snap!
just like that

we had cupcakes at football practice
the way we did on birthdays
7,8,9,10, and 11

we went to a sushi house for dinner
just like we did on birthdays
7,8,9,10, and 11

years that daddy was gone thanks to the army
and we did everything we could to make the absence seem normal-
it was the first time Team Leader had ever been at football practice to sing happy birthday to his own son.

my mother in law, on the phone tonight, said
"i know these days are bittersweet for you-i can feel that.."
bittersweet
emotional
busy
moving faster than any of us care to say

watching TL lead the team in the birthday song, i felt the first snap of an apron string breaking

my baby boy
my bigger
doodlebug and wee's big brother
OUR son

is eighteen
today

my birthday wish-that every year from here on out he feels the love that celebrated with him:
singing, laughing, joking, cupcake eating
loving him and wishing him well as he walked into his adulthood

october 5 1993
with all my love to you PAH
xoxoxoxoxoxox
momma

the start of a new decade

ten years later.

we've been at war now for ten years-
in my lifetime i never thought something like this would happen.
i remember my friends in high school as we all turned 18 talking about
the selective service registration
they would have to fill out...
one small rite of passage that to them, at the time, was insignificant.

our son turns 18 in three weeks.

for me this birthday is poignantly significant on many many levels...
and
the day he signs that same small piece of paper
i'll be one degree closer to what entering a new decade of war actually
means.

sidebar into how this 10 year day is memorialized and trivialized all at once:
with
births
deaths
celebrations
picnics
pundits
sporting events
soccer clinics
prayer
quiet reflection
more prayer
and hope-
that perhaps, ten years is enough, and that the idea of walking blindly into ten more
should
mean something

sidebar back to my dear college friend in Japan-
i think of your brother, his selfless bravery in the face of true evil, and you...
part of a loving and gentle family that gave him the strength to be that man in that moment-i am in awe

i remain grateful and hopeful everyday because of it
you both signed that small piece of paper once upon a time...

segway into the reminder that in this world there are no guarantees
BUT
that doesn't mean we have to live in fear-
the unknown isn't always a terrible thing.
we should though, posture ourselves to live the lives we have graciously been given
with laughter, joy, and hope.
everyday
even when we aren't sure we really want to...
we have these days to live because someone else has signed that small piece of paper
and
has in someway or another
been called to answer for it

everyday-find the moment
live it
love someone because of it
laugh for no reason
pray for peace-everyday

Rest in Peace Jeremy and Karen
with love
e

sweet little blog o mine

i haven't forgotten you
I SWEAR!

it's been a busy busy summer-
moving
soccer
moving
cars
dogs
kids
family
summer
and it ends tonight
*sigh*

Year 22 begins

umarmen und lieben
essie

photo-palooza begins now!

TDY love, take one: March 2011






Poland with Lena and babies: February 2011


(the magical glass garden...next trip, the peacock comes home)

(all the loot from that trip and yes-the christmas tree is in the background)

Michael Brendel ODP tourney...the faces of soccer that i love...



(benzilla totally torked off b/c his team came in 3rd...)


Momma: denim and diamond auction Feb.2011


(that's the bavarian bed i won for $82.00-madness!!!)

Pres: indoor soccer tourney Nov. 2010

good grief

i've been a baad blogger.

and i missed (among other things)
wishing my one and only
girl
the happiest 15th birthday a momma could ever wish!

as i type
i'm down(or is it UP)loading
762 photos from my camera

essentially the lives of those wacky inhabitants at casa h
since...
January-ugh-i'm in blogging time-out for bad behavior!

i'm getting there folks-hang in!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 368 house photos

these photos aren't on fb...

side view of the front of house

backyard from the bier garten


backyard minus our 4 legged neighbors

my new kitchen! as seen from the dining room

YAYAYAYAY!!!

367 odenwald...here we come!

miracle of miracles

we found out on saturday that
the house
the place where
i can see

friends
parties
family
parties
birthdays
parties
anniversaries
parties
graduations
parties
dances
parties
dresses
parties
suits
parties
flowers
parties
coffee mornings
parties
snow
parties
sunshine
parties
commuting
parties
a trampoline
parties
and puppies becoming
dogs

the house
is ours for the renting
and my heart is
happy!

now-some photos are on fb-and photos
will eventually be posted here
i owe lots of picts...i know this...i've been really busy
BUT
what most be noted for posterity-
there is MUCH room for all of our lovies to join us
in
Germany!~!~!~!

please consider it...
umarmen und lieben
essie

weeeel hello there friends!!

it's been so long since i blogged i realized i didn't know if i remembered my LOG IN!
errp.
with a little hair dye and head scratching
i got it

and

with high school soccer officially over for this school year
i'm back!

photos of the soccer madness will be posted, and the fyi-
we have 2 kinder receiving varsity letters...
wooo stinkin hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our harrisons were spectacular
in every way!
(i love my kiddos very very much)

umarmen und lieben
essie

4 out of 4

snap your fingers and
poof.
just like that
you watch your first born
register for his
last
year
of school...

bittersweet
doesn't even begin to describe
the place
where my heart sleeps tonight

so proud
and full of disbelief
all at once

where did time fly away too
and why do i want it to slow
slow
so much
slow down?

i love you with every piece of my momma heart
p.a.h.
every piece

and it is my momma heart-string wish
for you
that the year ahead is magic.

umarmen und lieben
momma