gabby

this post is for you-

because i could
really i could leave a message on every post that your blog shares

you are such a wonderful wifey
you are such a marvelous momma
you are such a spectacular sister
you are such a fantastic friend...
i know right now you're blushing, laughing, and saying
"aaawwww essie-cakes, you are such a silly mess"
I can hear your voice in my head!
:o)

you ARE all these things, and so much more, gabness you truly are.

the memories you are working on making with your littles
the sleep you are losing because tamales and peppermint playdoh are callin
the grey along max's snout
the half smiles of your face (b/c a precious cherub has more photo space)
the look of complete satisfaction on mr. mike

you've accomplished this all
you have it good baby girl, i'm so proud of you!

G-d bless you this holiday and every day
with all my love
essie-cakes

eBee

on a sunday 2 weeks ago
this nugget, of nothing but pure goodness,
became the newest member of our family.

as you can see, she came too soon...
so soon, that other people would say, this might be very difficult-
but other people don't know what i know.

my niece, Evelyn Beatrice, "EvieB"
my little lovebug,
my EBee
she has the heart of a lion
and the will to live that pales in comparison
to any wonder of the world i've ever seen.

in fact-in my eyes-
she's the 8th wonder of the world-
blessing and miracle all wrapped up in 2 pounds of sugar

so tiny
yet
so big
already
at 2 weeks
her spirit fills my heart
her want to be with her family
fills my soul

i cannot wait to meet her...these are the moments when 6000 miles does make the difference
and the difference right now is hard

for now
our coffeetalks will have to suffice.

my little bumblebee...we welcome you with love!
aunt essie

twenty six years = nine thousand, four hundred and ninety days

in January 1986, Team Leader graduated from Ranger School...
he enlisted in october of 1985

waaay before he knew that in anchorage alaska his future was running track, dancing ballet, swimming, eating at McDonalds

his future was waiting for him, and, he had no clue.

he joined the service and made a decision to see this committment to his country
through
in the hardest way, as a Ranger, born into battalion
not looking back.

lately, he's had time to look back-
yesterday was the culmination of a twenty six year long career and a future,
he never saw coming.

today my husband,
MY center of gravity,
the man who has given me everything I never saw coming
used his Retiree ID card to access base.

talk about a moment.

yesterday when he finalized his status i apoloigized for not being THERE with him as he walked into his new life
his answer was simple:
"26 years ago I walked in quietly, by myself and today, 26 years later I'll walk out quietly...by myself"

when we hung up the phone i cried for a minute.

he's given so much, and you know today, all the people who saw the effective date on his new id card...not one person said thank you...which surprised me.

lessons learned over 26 years of service:
if YOU know why you did it, no one needs to say thank you, but it sure is nice.

lessons learned over 20 years of service:
marriage is forever.

I love you Tony-
thank you for everything you have done to secure our country in it's time of need
thank you for everything you have done to secure peace for all who desire calm and understanding
thank you for always being the person prepared
to give the ultimate sacrifice
to fight for the oppressed
to be the man our family can look up to-

congratulations, with all our love,
e,p,d, b, AND k

EIGHTEEN?!?!?!?!!!!

once in a lifetime someone you love turns
18.
today it was biggers...
my number 1

the child who made me a mommy
rocked every single second of my world for
9 months
and arrived with a smile that melted my heart
and set the bar
high
high
high

he turned eighteen
snap!
just like that

we had cupcakes at football practice
the way we did on birthdays
7,8,9,10, and 11

we went to a sushi house for dinner
just like we did on birthdays
7,8,9,10, and 11

years that daddy was gone thanks to the army
and we did everything we could to make the absence seem normal-
it was the first time Team Leader had ever been at football practice to sing happy birthday to his own son.

my mother in law, on the phone tonight, said
"i know these days are bittersweet for you-i can feel that.."
bittersweet
emotional
busy
moving faster than any of us care to say

watching TL lead the team in the birthday song, i felt the first snap of an apron string breaking

my baby boy
my bigger
doodlebug and wee's big brother
OUR son

is eighteen
today

my birthday wish-that every year from here on out he feels the love that celebrated with him:
singing, laughing, joking, cupcake eating
loving him and wishing him well as he walked into his adulthood

october 5 1993
with all my love to you PAH
xoxoxoxoxoxox
momma

the start of a new decade

ten years later.

we've been at war now for ten years-
in my lifetime i never thought something like this would happen.
i remember my friends in high school as we all turned 18 talking about
the selective service registration
they would have to fill out...
one small rite of passage that to them, at the time, was insignificant.

our son turns 18 in three weeks.

for me this birthday is poignantly significant on many many levels...
and
the day he signs that same small piece of paper
i'll be one degree closer to what entering a new decade of war actually
means.

sidebar into how this 10 year day is memorialized and trivialized all at once:
with
births
deaths
celebrations
picnics
pundits
sporting events
soccer clinics
prayer
quiet reflection
more prayer
and hope-
that perhaps, ten years is enough, and that the idea of walking blindly into ten more
should
mean something

sidebar back to my dear college friend in Japan-
i think of your brother, his selfless bravery in the face of true evil, and you...
part of a loving and gentle family that gave him the strength to be that man in that moment-i am in awe

i remain grateful and hopeful everyday because of it
you both signed that small piece of paper once upon a time...

segway into the reminder that in this world there are no guarantees
BUT
that doesn't mean we have to live in fear-
the unknown isn't always a terrible thing.
we should though, posture ourselves to live the lives we have graciously been given
with laughter, joy, and hope.
everyday
even when we aren't sure we really want to...
we have these days to live because someone else has signed that small piece of paper
and
has in someway or another
been called to answer for it

everyday-find the moment
live it
love someone because of it
laugh for no reason
pray for peace-everyday

Rest in Peace Jeremy and Karen
with love
e

sweet little blog o mine

i haven't forgotten you
I SWEAR!

it's been a busy busy summer-
moving
soccer
moving
cars
dogs
kids
family
summer
and it ends tonight
*sigh*

Year 22 begins

umarmen und lieben
essie

photo-palooza begins now!

TDY love, take one: March 2011






Poland with Lena and babies: February 2011


(the magical glass garden...next trip, the peacock comes home)

(all the loot from that trip and yes-the christmas tree is in the background)

Michael Brendel ODP tourney...the faces of soccer that i love...



(benzilla totally torked off b/c his team came in 3rd...)


Momma: denim and diamond auction Feb.2011


(that's the bavarian bed i won for $82.00-madness!!!)

Pres: indoor soccer tourney Nov. 2010

good grief

i've been a baad blogger.

and i missed (among other things)
wishing my one and only
girl
the happiest 15th birthday a momma could ever wish!

as i type
i'm down(or is it UP)loading
762 photos from my camera

essentially the lives of those wacky inhabitants at casa h
since...
January-ugh-i'm in blogging time-out for bad behavior!

i'm getting there folks-hang in!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 368 house photos

these photos aren't on fb...

side view of the front of house

backyard from the bier garten


backyard minus our 4 legged neighbors

my new kitchen! as seen from the dining room

YAYAYAYAY!!!

367 odenwald...here we come!

miracle of miracles

we found out on saturday that
the house
the place where
i can see

friends
parties
family
parties
birthdays
parties
anniversaries
parties
graduations
parties
dances
parties
dresses
parties
suits
parties
flowers
parties
coffee mornings
parties
snow
parties
sunshine
parties
commuting
parties
a trampoline
parties
and puppies becoming
dogs

the house
is ours for the renting
and my heart is
happy!

now-some photos are on fb-and photos
will eventually be posted here
i owe lots of picts...i know this...i've been really busy
BUT
what most be noted for posterity-
there is MUCH room for all of our lovies to join us
in
Germany!~!~!~!

please consider it...
umarmen und lieben
essie

weeeel hello there friends!!

it's been so long since i blogged i realized i didn't know if i remembered my LOG IN!
errp.
with a little hair dye and head scratching
i got it

and

with high school soccer officially over for this school year
i'm back!

photos of the soccer madness will be posted, and the fyi-
we have 2 kinder receiving varsity letters...
wooo stinkin hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our harrisons were spectacular
in every way!
(i love my kiddos very very much)

umarmen und lieben
essie

4 out of 4

snap your fingers and
poof.
just like that
you watch your first born
register for his
last
year
of school...

bittersweet
doesn't even begin to describe
the place
where my heart sleeps tonight

so proud
and full of disbelief
all at once

where did time fly away too
and why do i want it to slow
slow
so much
slow down?

i love you with every piece of my momma heart
p.a.h.
every piece

and it is my momma heart-string wish
for you
that the year ahead is magic.

umarmen und lieben
momma

18 is a great number!

happy anniversary BB-
i love you with all my heart!!!
BB

18 is a great number!

happy anniversary BB-
i love you with all my heart!!!
BB

362 wild horses

what an insane week-
BUT
what a lucky girl, getting to see gaia, grandpadad, uncle j, ang, lor, da, and...
my rahnie/schultz!!!
(as if they were a WWE tag team!!)
i met some wonderful folks at HQ
i did some wonderful work, with said folks, at HQ

i decided to fill "my house in germany that doesn't know it's our house" with beautiful paintings
starting with Grammie's, and now adding TWO more beauties of Rodger's to our fray!

"word"
"the bride"
"a sweet disorder"

meet

"esther bonsai"

"cinnamon bonsai"

and "almost tony bonsai" which is a comission based on this piece, which team leader fell in love with
but was sold faster than we could purchase


rodger is the hubby of my superfly momma rose, and daddy of my super K, and
the magician behind this amazing talent.

HE is so seriously up and coming-wild horses couldn't stop this man
WE are so proud to call him and his beautiful family our friends
great people
great art

it was a whirlwind week-part 2 starts up in less than 3 weeks
i can't wait!

umarmen und lieben
essie

361 remember

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.
~Michelangelo

with love, hugs, prayers and peace
to e, and g,
with our friendship
hand in hand
heart to heart
always

360. i can hear the angels singing

best day EVER
was yesterday
(which is still coming up as today b/c that's how my yoda laptop works...)
holy smoke-
this past week has been busy busy busy
making me
tired tired tired
all leading up to friday and a professional development day that was setting itself up to be maybe not so much fun.
the big kicker, me, and my 2 coaching partners in crime were RESPONSIBLE for the professional development
us
with big smiles
"this will be fun, and useful, and help us all work on our craft!"
looking out at
a cohort of colleagues who are dealing (or not) with the impending upheaval of a move because of base realignments.

FYI-if you don't know, having no control over your future can be a terrifying thing,
and
when you've lived somewhere for as long as 20 years
being told you have to attend a meeting to begin that process can be a
major
buzz
kill

(now over at casa h, we haven't lived ANYWHERE for more than 7 years, but the uncertainty of big moves can be troubling...)

back to the buzz kill-
I
was the presenter scheduled to do her thing when we all came back to our professional dev after the morning meeting.
the "after lunch bunch"
i was so nervous i literally took 30 seconds and cried.
(and yes, maybe it was a little overly dramatic of me, but the friend I was with is a boston toughie, she can handle it)

i went to my pro dev and pasted on my best
"not terrifed"
smile until i learned that the superintendent for curriculum instruction and assessment was there-
early-we DID have a meeting but it was meant to be AFTER my schpeel
NOT
before it.

gulp

big girl panties on now-i do my part and right brain/left brain balance my fear with how we all need to LOOK at our students as the whole child, not one way or another, brain balanced activities in the classroom, mind mapping my way through the longest and shortest hour of my life.

woohoo at 2:00!
i'm done!

then the meeting-with our superintendent CIA
heh
it even makes him laugh
a BIG very important meeting that sends me in 10 days back to the states to HeadQuarters
OMG
OMG
OMG
twice
that's right TWO trips back to virginia and my MOMMY!!!!

(sidebar: gaia is having amazing reactions to her chemo meds, the infusion nurses are thrilled, she has all her hair-tho prestie shaved his off in solidarity to his grandma-heart of MY heart)

so i wrap up my meeting, and come home.
friday was almost over-BUT
somewhere in an office-somewhere
my district superintendent was working with our HR and union to decide who (of the 79folks that were looking for jobs-all those people with me in the morning meeting) would get one of the 65 available jobs in our district and maybe not have to make a tremendous move somewhere around the world.

at 6;16 pm my notification came to my work inbox
i was placed in THE school where i wanted to go-
with an admin team i cannot wait to work for-
in a city in germany that will allow
pres to graduate here
dollie to graduate here
and
ben (who was REALLY rooting for italy)
to be pretty ticked off but available enough to be bribed back into happy.

no more worrying about job security
no more stairwell

benefits that give us a real life with ROOTS
my heart overflows with thanks for the blessing bestowed on my family-
roots.
a fighting momma.
a job.

and with that, i CAN hear the angels singing!
it is a full on hallelujah chorus!!!!
wiesbaden germany-get ready for casa h!
umarmen und lieben
essie

dear heavens

team leader and i are STILL laughing!!!

no 358 just like that

it is february!
and this baby (photo taken in december)

will be FOUR months old on the 9th!!

photo montage to follow!
umarmen und lieben
e

no 357 who else is going to bring you a broken arrow

so i've spent the morning trolling blogs written by women who are fully funded (by hubbies that must be gazillionaires and all the ads on their sites) who are 100% into the home decor thing.

now, don't get me wrong, i'm all about a pretty home

i guess i don't keep up with trends, and really decorate with things i like or were given to me by people i love(d)

as the only girl, i've gotten a lot of the pass downs from the grammies and grandpas, and every now and then i'm reminded of just how old some of these things are...like this chair i'm sitting in-right now
it was in my grandfather's office in DC, and i've loved it since i was in middle school
loved it so much that my mom had it recovered for me 8 or so years ago
-
because really
i'm not the girl who has figured out how to do that
-
but in this last month, a leg has broken, and i think my days with this sweet old friend might be really numbered...does giving it away mean i'm a bad granddaughter?
should i find someone who can help me restore it to greatness...a little more life yet to be lived, or sat in, really

and this computer desk...bedroom furniture that mom and dad got for pres back
in
2000...
it's a full on hot mess
BUT
since we moved here the kids friends have written on it, signed their names, left their marks and personalized it in a way that monograms just couldn't do it justice.
it is bulky
it is outdated
it is ours...but should IT go?

speaking of which, my cookbook madness...i love a good cookbook, and when we left nc, i gave at least 20+ away
so explain this
(for the record...these are the books actually on a shelf.
the rest are stacked on a counter...all 15 of them, and, one recipe box)

how do you decide when you're ready to make changes...is there a cosmo quiz out there somewhere to help you know WHEN?

i happen to love my christmas tree
and all our ornaments
and my colored lights

i really don't want a theme tree every year...it's hard enough for me to commit to gift wrap!

anyhoo...oma mentioned that mr. pres has photos on fb that made her feel like she was on a virtual field trip with the boy...and made me realize that i've been pretty bad about sharing life in europe with ya'll.

must be the opsec in me
(operational security for those who just said "what the face, essie?!!")
i really don't like taking photos of our base, or the bases we go to-just in case.
but i can take photos of where we go and what we do when we are OFF post
and i can work a little more on the sharing part

while i'm throwing away and repainting everything we own in between!

gaia, btw, sounds fantastic and is swimming a mile a day in spite of her monthly trip to the doctor!
grandpadad is walking a full country mile a day, up and down winding roads with more energy now than he knew he still had!
oreo is the happiest little doggie, thanks in great part, to all the new outfits he's gotten post life-redeux!
junior has FINALLY figured out how to go DOWNSTAIRS without being carried-miracle of miracles-and in the nick of time as he's topped 30 pounds at 16 weeks!
the kinder of casa h are recovering from a nasty bout of make-up work-
team leader is perfecting his future stay at home princess cooking
(which i love...who else is going to bring me a bottle of rain...just him)
and me
i've taken a very refreshing break from fb, a self induced cyber holiday, proving to myself that i really prefer blogging to all the insane fb updating that i did before
i've cleaned my head and heart of the worry, stress, and negativity that started up my school year and i'm not looking back!

(in fact, i'm even listening to music in the house, another thing off my 2011 to do list...go me!)

we're survivors over here at casa h, us, folks and furniture-
thinking i've answered my own question i'm off to look for some fabric and wood glue.
happy almost february to all my loves
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 356 fruit gum

no.351 back

from a whirlwind trip to the states

i'm still putting it all together in my head...the moment i hugged my mom-
how little she felt in my arms
my brothers and dad
how their bodies all relaxed-slackening after carrying so much weight these past few weeks.

driving to the doctor, again and again
cleaning out drawers and shelves
(don't forget to make that salvation army drop!)
setting up schedules
learning how to
shop online for groceries (WHO KNEW!!)
resetting our family goals-
our hopes and dreams
that are so simple in actuality
but mean everything, all on the table, open and exposed
in this new year

i'm sorry i didn't get to see and/or say goodbye to the people who carry their love for our family in their hearts-you make living in a small community worth all the wealth in the world and tho we didn't get to see and say what our hearts know...
i
love
you
all!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 350 Guten Rutsch

we hope your slide into 2011 was fun, fast, and gave you enough time to find something soft to catch you upon impact!

umarmen und lieben
essie