Sunday, October 31, 2010

R.I.P. Halloween Momma

we had a great run, Halloween and i-
if i had known on those exhausting early evening walks that there would be a day when i didn't go with you
i would have never complained...
not once.
i would have spent more time laughing
and taking photos
and maybe even dressing up a little myself

*sigh*

Halloween was always about the three of you
and the costumes you had to have
and the love i sewed into every stitch.

when you morphed into the three who had other costume ideas
i stepped back and let you
tell me
show me
and ultimately fall behind as you ran from house to house

prestie, if lukie was there that was all that mattered, friendship came before candy
doodle bug, you were the one with the most stamina, you could walk for blocks
mr. ben, the excitement was in the costume, not in the treats-you were always done within 15 minutes.

we took photos in front of houses with virginia leaves falling
we took photos of mouths tasting chocolate for the very first time
we took photos along a white picket fence with friends that were family-the mommas always amazed by the changes in you from year to halloween year

and at the end of the night i'd fall asleep so tired i couldn't feel my toenails
thankful that i had 365 days of respite
after last night (our "designated trick or treat night" here on post)
i came to the conclusion, with a gulp in my throat and a teeny tiny tear from an eye, that seventeen years is a pretty good run


last night after an amazing day of football where you ran in an 80 yard touchdown, you went BY YOURSELF
waving me away when your friends met you at the field, but thinking enough about the momma in the car to yell without turning "LOVE YA mom"



you two
-oh my goodness-
a day of heartfelt volleyball, where a season ended with many more lessons learned than skills (yes lovebug, you really ARE THAT good, don't doubt it) and a brother who made every home game to cheer you and the school you share on

you both raced home to get ready for a birthday party-
at a hotel-
no trick or treating
best friends sharing moments that will be the memories you cherish
you came into the livingroom and i saw this


and suddenly it was me, team leader, and the dog.
we were meant to go to a halloween party-i made
"cured epidermis with bone marrow slices"
(prosciutto ham baked to a crisp with slices of melon)
and
"devils on broomsticks"
(dates stuffed with asiago cheese, wrapped in bacon, baked to a crisp)
when the internet died
and we lost
EVERY PIECE OF PARTY INFO
that we had
and
while we were all dressed up
suddenly
we had no place to go

so that was the final trick i suppose
halloween got one over on me at last
here's MY treat
i will always have the memories

HAPPY HALLOWEEN YA'LL

umarmen und lieben
e

Monday, October 18, 2010

no. 338 seriously due for an update

in the weeks of this
busy
busy
fall
i've gone full throttle away from summer
into
fallish working madness

i've sadly neglected this blog.
for which i am greatly sorry
because as much as i love updating posts for each of you
i've so loved doing it for me-
just looking back on our life
makes all the days of it that we spend
so far away from each of you
not
so far after all.

what you're really here for is the pictures...i know!
umarmen und lieben
essie
First day of fifth grade

First day of high school...

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

no. 337 the dream that became a reality

was born seventeen years ago today...

our boy.
seventeen sounds so big-
he is, make no mistake, but
the smile

the smile
will always be part of the face
i saw
staring back at me
those beedy little eyes

at 6:21 pm
on October 5th, 1993.

my son
his momma
us
i told you then
"i waited for you-and-here you are!"

you gazed back at me with those eyes
saying in that moment where love is cemented
that you had waited for me too

i try to remember that frozen moment
when you push me to a limit
i should remember it more than on the day of your birth
and really...
i do

tonight you sit across from me
i watch you
laughing at the cards
loving every minute of our
family
celebration
same beedy eyes full of life, wonder, and fire
same amazing little person

not
so little
but forever amazing...
my dream
my reality
my son.

happy seventeenth birthday
umarmen und lieben
momma