* credit where credit is due...i'm cyber stealing my dear friend Christy's idea, with love and hugs to her for being so brilliant! *
sitting in our little apartment
no pictures to share from a birthday, hannukah, christmas eve, christmas day, dinner, puppy-love, or new years eve as they were just accidentally erased
(yup...that really did just happen...seriously, every photo on my camera-g.o.n.e.)
i'm thinking that G-d, in his infinite wisdom somehow KNEW i needed to begin this year with
a
clean
slate
filling up on delicious racclette
drinking waaay too much apple-pomegranate juice
relishing a phone call
reflecting on 2010
and wondering
just what will happen
in 2011
i went for a blog walk
started looking at my favorite places to lurk
where friends i know and friends i'll never actually meet
go
to share the labors and loves of their own lives.
and in the middle rests this:
no more resolutions, just REALLY cool lists-
lists of the things that make life
happy
exciting
maybe a little scary as we venture outside a comfort zone
full.
really full.
so here is MY contribution to what casa h might need in order to be really cool
(in no particular order, but because i AM a teacher, i'm counting down from 10 to 1)
10. get our puppy to walk DOWN the stairs before he is over 25 pounds and I can't carry him forever.
9. teach my children the importance of handwritten communication over texting or email
8. go to a cooking class somewhere exotic
7. become the hot wifey to a US SF retiree!!!!
6. play more music in our house-all kinds
5. read a book alongside each of our three littles so we can actually DISCUSS what's happening as we read
4. move off the bunny slope...in more ways than even I know
3. dance with my husband on a beach
2. (this is a real 2-fer) take a stab at relearning my HS French AND improving my get out of jail German
1. go to craptastic ohio
live in the NOW, by doing all of these things and then, make another really cool list!
Guten Rutsch (mit umarmen und lieben)
Willkommen 2011
essie
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
no 347 wake up...I'm 11!!!
the sound of excitement at 530 in the morning
my little boy
not quite so little anymore
not quite so big
that buckets of toys, books, and movies there to
celebrate
HIM
aren't the icing on his birthday cake!
they were...
and for the record...
having that nugget of little still in my life-
that's the icing on mine!
i love you ben ben-
happy 11th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!
momma
(photos to follow-my c drive is full and i need to move some old photos to make room for the new ones!)
my little boy
not quite so little anymore
not quite so big
that buckets of toys, books, and movies there to
celebrate
HIM
aren't the icing on his birthday cake!
they were...
and for the record...
having that nugget of little still in my life-
that's the icing on mine!
i love you ben ben-
happy 11th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!
momma
(photos to follow-my c drive is full and i need to move some old photos to make room for the new ones!)
Sunday, December 19, 2010
the worst of it
yesterday my daughter said
"get off the phone, daddy says miss jessica is calling you"
one minute i was christmas shopping
the next
i was literally sitting down
listening to my darling friend
tell me the worst of it
listening to jess
find the strength to finish
what i asked her to start when i emailed her 10 days ago
worrying only about pneumonia
not cancer
out loud
no censoring real life
on my blog
my diary
mine
my mother has cancer
stage 4 cancer
in the pleural lining of her lung
this isn't cancer you can operate on-really
though i've found a specialist in boston that i want to talk to
just because
just because i've been away
6,000 miles away and doctors haven't been talking to me
i need my questions answered
first hand
to ensure that where we go next HELPS HER
she begins chemo at the hospital today, and, continues chemo in our hometown hospital when she gets back early next week
she's absoluely gobsmacked by this-we all are-cancer from out of thin air?!
who says that is alright?
i'm mad
i'm scared
i'm hopeful
i'm prayerful
i'm ready to meet this head on with her
but really-when are we ever ready to hear the worst of it
and not feel slightly, ever so slightly
shattered
heart of my heart-
heart of her heart
i carry you
"get off the phone, daddy says miss jessica is calling you"
one minute i was christmas shopping
the next
i was literally sitting down
listening to my darling friend
tell me the worst of it
listening to jess
find the strength to finish
what i asked her to start when i emailed her 10 days ago
worrying only about pneumonia
not cancer
out loud
no censoring real life
on my blog
my diary
mine
my mother has cancer
stage 4 cancer
in the pleural lining of her lung
this isn't cancer you can operate on-really
though i've found a specialist in boston that i want to talk to
just because
just because i've been away
6,000 miles away and doctors haven't been talking to me
i need my questions answered
first hand
to ensure that where we go next HELPS HER
she begins chemo at the hospital today, and, continues chemo in our hometown hospital when she gets back early next week
she's absoluely gobsmacked by this-we all are-cancer from out of thin air?!
who says that is alright?
i'm mad
i'm scared
i'm hopeful
i'm prayerful
i'm ready to meet this head on with her
but really-when are we ever ready to hear the worst of it
and not feel slightly, ever so slightly
shattered
heart of my heart-
heart of her heart
i carry you
Thursday, December 16, 2010
gaia
they call us the sandwich generation
the ones who have their children
and
their parents
we love
we laugh
we live
caring for them all
caring for them because that's what families do
until
someone else has to provide the care
the care
that could be the
difference between
life and death
and then, in the moment when, care rests on the shoulder's of another
you realize that
you aren't alone
you were never alone
you won't face the future alone
my sweet mother is facing the battle of her life right now
i'm six thousand miles away
trusting with all my heart
and soul
in the team that has been placed in charge of her care
i know she will survive this
possibly war-torn in places before this fight is won-
but alive
which is what matters most
she needs to know what, where, and WHY
before she can really begin this fight-that is her-
i need to know that she believes she will be healed-that is me-
together we are mother and daughter
heart of my heart
heart of her heart
our own sandwich
when i was little we used to make a family sandwich:
mom and dad were the bread, i was the filling...
our own sandwich
no wonder.
i LOVE you mommy
you WILL be healed
YOU will fight this and
W.I.N.
gleefie
the ones who have their children
and
their parents
we love
we laugh
we live
caring for them all
caring for them because that's what families do
until
someone else has to provide the care
the care
that could be the
difference between
life and death
and then, in the moment when, care rests on the shoulder's of another
you realize that
you aren't alone
you were never alone
you won't face the future alone
my sweet mother is facing the battle of her life right now
i'm six thousand miles away
trusting with all my heart
and soul
in the team that has been placed in charge of her care
i know she will survive this
possibly war-torn in places before this fight is won-
but alive
which is what matters most
she needs to know what, where, and WHY
before she can really begin this fight-that is her-
i need to know that she believes she will be healed-that is me-
together we are mother and daughter
heart of my heart
heart of her heart
our own sandwich
when i was little we used to make a family sandwich:
mom and dad were the bread, i was the filling...
our own sandwich
no wonder.
i LOVE you mommy
you WILL be healed
YOU will fight this and
W.I.N.
gleefie
Saturday, December 11, 2010
no. 346 OR the third of Oreo's final bill
oof.
as if the last post wasn't emotional enough
gaia has landed her overworked self in the
hospital
her very own hell on earth,
as a manner of speaking-is the hospital
and
she's there...
for a while it appears
thanks to a horrifying case of
pneumonia
which collapsed one lung, pushing the other lung,
literally
into tomorrow
and in the process crushing her trachea.
too close a call for me-for all of us actually
and
now because we add insult to injury
her trip to germany for christmas is indefinitely postponed...the place where she gets to rest and relax, is too far for her to travel.
boo
hiss
wipe away the tears and pull up the bootstraps
all so she can GET BETTER
and find her way back to us.
jessica and traci...you will NEVER know how much your getting to her, meant to
me.
how much you 2 mean to
me.
i've said it probably 25 times since thursday night when grandpadad made the call:
"i choose to believe we ARE a lucky family"
a very lucky family-
tonight i count my blessings once again, and ask that happy thoughts continue to be sent my precious momma's way.
umarmen und lieben
dassie
as if the last post wasn't emotional enough
gaia has landed her overworked self in the
hospital
her very own hell on earth,
as a manner of speaking-is the hospital
and
she's there...
for a while it appears
thanks to a horrifying case of
pneumonia
which collapsed one lung, pushing the other lung,
literally
into tomorrow
and in the process crushing her trachea.
too close a call for me-for all of us actually
and
now because we add insult to injury
her trip to germany for christmas is indefinitely postponed...the place where she gets to rest and relax, is too far for her to travel.
boo
hiss
wipe away the tears and pull up the bootstraps
all so she can GET BETTER
and find her way back to us.
jessica and traci...you will NEVER know how much your getting to her, meant to
me.
how much you 2 mean to
me.
i've said it probably 25 times since thursday night when grandpadad made the call:
"i choose to believe we ARE a lucky family"
a very lucky family-
tonight i count my blessings once again, and ask that happy thoughts continue to be sent my precious momma's way.
umarmen und lieben
dassie
Friday, December 03, 2010
no. 345 OR the deposit on oreo's vet bill to date
so it stands to reason
just
when you think everything is under control
when you think you are the captian of your ship
when you think you are the master of your destiny
that somewhere
something
someone
someplace...
it will all go tits up.
here i was chugging down a cider, convinced my only problem was
the growing carb tire-quickly making itself at home around my abdomen.
simple stuff people
until
oreo got sick
not just "MOOOOOOOOOOOOM the dog's puking" sick
but really really "holy shit" sick
the kind of sick that makes a mom like me
not sooo dainty
actually full on spazzing
and terrified
with thanks to our German groomer, and one of our "extra harrisons" who speaks perfect German
we got oreo, in the moment where i thought his life was ending before us, to
a 24 hour clinic.
he's been there since wednesday night and continues to surprise everyone with his
fiesty little shih tzu attitude
however, we really need him to respond to the meds he is on-physically respond-go to the bathroom on his own...
he needs to pull that rabbit out of his hat by monday
we can't maintain a dog on a catheter forever...
the actual cost of this canine emergency is staggering and at a point
the financial hemmorage needs to be contained.
saying it out loud made me physically sick last night
and by the grace of true love, the people who know me best,
absolved me of this heartwrenching guilt.
loving them as i do, a thousand times i would take the stinging pain
of horrible decision making
away-
thanking them, i realize, isn't enough...
knowing we always have the benefit of living our lives together-that will do.
certainly it will and for that i thank the powers that brought us to each other
so seeing him this afternoon, perfect in everyway but one, made the reality of this weekend all too clear.
our little, high maintenence, dramatic, outfit loving doggie needs a
hannukah miracle
so, if it isn't too much to ask-when you have a second, give it to oreo and then share it with G-d
umarmen und lieben
e
just
when you think everything is under control
when you think you are the captian of your ship
when you think you are the master of your destiny
that somewhere
something
someone
someplace...
it will all go tits up.
here i was chugging down a cider, convinced my only problem was
the growing carb tire-quickly making itself at home around my abdomen.
simple stuff people
until
oreo got sick
not just "MOOOOOOOOOOOOM the dog's puking" sick
but really really "holy shit" sick
the kind of sick that makes a mom like me
not sooo dainty
actually full on spazzing
and terrified
with thanks to our German groomer, and one of our "extra harrisons" who speaks perfect German
we got oreo, in the moment where i thought his life was ending before us, to
a 24 hour clinic.
he's been there since wednesday night and continues to surprise everyone with his
fiesty little shih tzu attitude
however, we really need him to respond to the meds he is on-physically respond-go to the bathroom on his own...
he needs to pull that rabbit out of his hat by monday
we can't maintain a dog on a catheter forever...
the actual cost of this canine emergency is staggering and at a point
the financial hemmorage needs to be contained.
saying it out loud made me physically sick last night
and by the grace of true love, the people who know me best,
absolved me of this heartwrenching guilt.
loving them as i do, a thousand times i would take the stinging pain
of horrible decision making
away-
thanking them, i realize, isn't enough...
knowing we always have the benefit of living our lives together-that will do.
certainly it will and for that i thank the powers that brought us to each other
so seeing him this afternoon, perfect in everyway but one, made the reality of this weekend all too clear.
our little, high maintenence, dramatic, outfit loving doggie needs a
hannukah miracle
so, if it isn't too much to ask-when you have a second, give it to oreo and then share it with G-d
umarmen und lieben
e
Thursday, December 02, 2010
no. 344 up early
late night always mean an early up.
junior shortbus...he's been up for an hour
which means...I'VE been up for an hour
really, how much sniffing and toy chewing can a puppy do?!!
at least he's taking my mind off the events from this week, and what might lie ahead
someone please tell the weekend to get here NOW
"yes, it's okay, they are the same thing"
e-i can't begin to tell you what that meant last night
and how perceptive IS that mr. tony
fixing will happen after i pay off the vet.
sending all my love to a craptastic town in ohio.
every little last bit!
e
junior shortbus...he's been up for an hour
which means...I'VE been up for an hour
really, how much sniffing and toy chewing can a puppy do?!!
at least he's taking my mind off the events from this week, and what might lie ahead
someone please tell the weekend to get here NOW
"yes, it's okay, they are the same thing"
e-i can't begin to tell you what that meant last night
and how perceptive IS that mr. tony
fixing will happen after i pay off the vet.
sending all my love to a craptastic town in ohio.
every little last bit!
e
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