no. 334 the greener grass

*warning, this post won't make any sense-at all-i need to vent...*

what is it about wanting to make things easy
that turns
every day life into something so stinkin' hard?

there is
never enough sleep
never enough money
never enough time
never enough
to keep people calm, healthy, satisfied, secure, relaxed...
normal

WHY
do people feel the need to muddy water?
because they do-there are some who just aren't happy unless they've shown you
just how nasty they are prepared to be
(feel free to substitute selfish, mean, sarcastic, self-centered, snarky, angry, consumed, lost, needy...jealous for nasty)
what is up with that?

i was washing my face yesterday and realized
i am going to be 43 on my next birthday...FOURTY THREE
my skin should be "thick" enough,
my "duck-ish dander" should be slippery enough
this unfair and unneccessary bleech should have rolled off my back...
instead it's festered.
I have let someone else dump their ugly into my life and now i can't get rid of it...it has really pushed a button i didn't know i still had
by now, at my age, should i have learned that for some the grass isn't always greener?
if so, how do i go back and erase this?
do i confront it, or, do i simply release it?

ugh. seriously.
this is a hard time for many people right now-
be it the economy
a growing family
children and transitions
work
lack of work
illness
insanity
i get that, but nice does matter-
i believe that
wherever our (collective) grass is and whatever it's color
the greener grass = nice in my book...not nasty.

and now, rereading this, i choose to release this ick.
your issues are not my problem-
i can't apologize anymore

you think you know me, and you really don't, because if you did you would see that greener grass for me, is rooted and nurtured anywhere my loved ones are and my loved ones are everywhere...sometimes everywhere is hard to reach

so, in light of that
i can choose to wish you well and hope that your life settles down enough for you to see that you aren't alone, people do care about you, and your greener grass might be directly under your feet...take a step forward.