long calls with my brothers
have taken the place of the long-pages long letters
mom would write me
this has been a year of expected and heartbreaking
upheaval
swallowing tears of hurt, loss, anger
not wanting for a single second
to let it out
for the fear of release means hours of pain
that i just don't want to
feel
so i swallow the tears
growing up we were so different
we weren't taught to appreciate how we were different
we were told that we had to love each other
and
to be nice because words would hurt
and last
mom didn't do much to help us mend fences
or
build bridges in our relationships
in fact, she was worried that with her gone
any semblance of a sibling relationship would go with her
frankly, it really was so bad, that i think our aunt and uncle thought the same thing too!
and what we have instead
in reviewing the 11 months and not quite 20 some odd days since she died
is the relationship we never thought possible
and it's not in the letter writing
it is in the phone calls
where we laugh and cry-tears that flow
and aren't denied
our hearts open and broken
we see that all along
brother and sister
it was there-
not so different after all
i love you
i love you both
sis
