Homecoming

20 years ago on October 5th
we shared a homecoming

every year i remember the look on your face
when you moved
your hands up
scrunched up
your face in wonder
and then you found me

and we were
home

this year i spent your birthday
chaperoning homecoming at work
a totally different
homecoming

and in the middle of it all
a moment where i got to say
"i love you"
"happy birthday"
and
then a little later a shared memory of
cupcakes at practice

and you
my first born
you were on my mind from the moment i woke up
until the minute my head hit the pillow
and at 1820
i said a little prayer for us
for safe homecomings
and happy birthdays

i love you
always and forever
around the island of sodor
to infinity and beyond

momma

one year

it has been
366 days since you dropped your brother off at school

it has been
373 days since we heard little's soft footsteps coming down the hall into our room
something is wrong with wee
then calling biggers to confirm our greatest fear

it has been
hard
listening to our children grieve
a lost friend
a lost reunion
a lost companion
a lost love

all this time
lost
but not
gone
never gone

you will remain 17 in our mind's eye
and alive in our hearts

we remember you bryan
with love