no 317 auto tech

two years ago
i picked myself up and posted about my boy choosing his 9th grade courses for high school.
i was a wreck
missing the little boy
loving the young man
wishing that the sands of time would
slow
a little
maybe
to
a dull roar...
but they didn't
they kept on falling.
ready or
not.

tonight, with my mom (thankfully) at my side
i walked her in
we listened
we read
and
she made her course selection for her
freshman
year.

high school

my baby girl in high school.

it's not possible that two of my littles are so close to being
big.

it makes mr. ben seem even smaller somehow
which is hard to explain

but her
my girl
the doodle bug

there she was
looking down hallways
and quietly asking where one classroom was in comparison to another...

upstairs
downstairs
out the door

i don't know if i can say i'm ready for this transition.
it's arrived sooner than i anticipated
i swear i thought we had more time...
when she gets there,
it means he's gone past
halfway

upstairs
downstairs
out another door

"it's pretty big"
"can we have chinese?"
"i'm so tired mom"

it is a fairly big high school
she will have the benefit of her big brother's watchful eye

we ordered waaaay too much chinese
which brought smiles over smiles over smiles to her beautiful face
she's getting ready for bed
exhausted by jet lag
and somehow i know when i look into her room tomorrow morning i'll see
this face

and the weight in my heart right now will be replaced with all the love found in the moments that got her to
today

i know it will...
my beautiful baby girl
on her way now
opening a door

umarmen und lieben, meine schatz-
umarmen und lieben
momma

(ps...how cool is she...Honors English, Honors History, Algebra I, Biology,
German II, PE, and for electives
Ceramics,
Computer Music,
Painting and
AUTO TECH my daughter is awesome!!)

no. 316 jules, this is for you!

i know how hectic your life is, and sometimes the last thing anyone wants to do is pry open a cookbook to figure out what to do for a family meal-
really
i know!

but
these are all ADA approved cookbooks available on their site that look good to me,
some of the cookbooks that i actually have you can find
here
(i have livin' low carb and LOVE it, but am now super excited about some of these other titles, and as we have established my serious cookbook related issue, i think i've found some "must buys" here!)

and another good choice for crock-pot workout
i have 3 books in the "fix it" series because i am a busy momma and some days the crock-pot is my very best friend in the world!
i know the woman who assisted in putting this book together from the ADA side...her daughter is one of my good good friends and she is serious about healthy choices for feeding your family.

don't give up
keep counting carbs
and breathe
life will sort itself out!
love you and miss you s-i-l!!!
xoxoxoxooox
e

no 315. volcano volcano VOLCANO!

oh my stars
what a crazy few days we've had over here in europe!!!
teachers are stranded all over the world-
i'm back in kindergarten (having the TIME OF MY LIFE)
until the teacher who belongs to these kiddos makes it back from Spain...
she's driving right now, bless her heart!

doodle bug and gaia are eating "wait and see pudding"
(as gaia used to say back in the day)
their flight is meant to leave late tonight and arrive tomorrow.
my take on this:
she is safe and this was a true act of G-d, we wait and hope that she gets home to us sooner rather than later.

team leader is going nuts-
apparently, you can
protect the world from devestation
sneak in and out of nameless places
be "mr. covert" on a daily basis
BUT
you cannot wait for a volcano to chill out.

this is why i work with little kids...
for the patience to live happily ever after with Maxwell Smart!
*sigh*

umarmen und lieben
essie

ps-DoodleBug: we love you and miss you and can't wait to have you back!
safe travels my sweet girl!!

no 314 lame duck spring break

there is only so much cleaning, sitting around, cleaning, laundry, sitting around, dishes, fb-ing, cleaning, sitting around
a girl can do.
talk about a lame duck...
spring break, i hardly knew ya.

umarmen und lieben
essie

no.313 oh my

it's the middle of spring break week...
my allergies started kicking my beheiney last wednesday
by friday night (the best night of springbreak as it was the FIRST night for this break)i wasn't thinking about the possibilities for the week
i was praying for a good night of sleep
and a morning where i didn't croak "hello"

so far

it's been a half week of a whole lotta nothin'

the projects i need to finish
still undone...
the ideas i had for the week
still on paper...
my attempt at pizza crust
didn't even rise..

oh well.
i've still got half a week
and i'm sure the projects will eventually get done
the ideas will come to fruition
and i'll get my crust to rise

eventually!
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 312 heather might kill me, but, it's worth it

and now-
the first family photo
(minus the harrison half of the family)

Paul, Heather,
MAZEL TOV on the birth of your daughter

Gianna,
the world is a better place because you are here
we cannot wait to see you and hold you in our arms!!!
All our love
Uncle Tony (who promises to teach you all about rainbows)
Tante (who promises to teach you all about savings...and spending those savings on fantastic stuff like pottery, but mostly promises to love you always)
Preston (who promises to teach you all about Europe, soccer, and the big boys to avoid b/c if not he and Ben will be obligated to beat them up)
Dollie (who promises to keep all your secrets and teach you how to find out everything about everyone: "nosy rosy...take 2")
and Ben (who promises to teach you how to ride a bike-seriously-he does!)

WE LOVE YOU BABY GIRL!!!!

no. 311 what it means to feel your cup runneth over

when you are 6000 miles away from the place you call home-
in a new place where you must live your life the best way you know how-
not always perfect
but definitely sincere
to send your child back home
alone...
(even for a short visit)
takes a lot out of a momma.

but, back she went-our girl
back to the place
in her heart
where
the warm, strong, beating heart of her dog
cuddling up next to her
in her bed
in her room
could be enough for now-

until

the loving, strong bonds of friendship
lifelong friendship
filled this momma right back up to brimming full
with blessings!
overflowing
jubilant
adoring
blessings!

celebrating our daughters, our friendship, our love for our families
on my birthday
you took my breath away when mom told me you came and got her
i cannot wait to hear all about it when she calls!

i love you more than words can say-
thank you for the best birthday gift,
with all my love and hugs
essie

(ps-the bonfire birthday has been pretty terrific, i must say that team leader did things right this year, and the boylies have done a fantastic job being "girly festive" for their momma!
life IS good!
umarmen und lieben
essie)

no. 310 big enough but not quite

for me.

doodle bug flies to the states for 2 weeks of Gaia and Grandpadad love today.
according to the airline, she's old enough to fly as an adult
but according to her momma and daddy

she gets the little red riding hood treatment,
with airline support that keeps the wolves away,
until her grandma can take her home...

heart of mine-
how i will miss you.
you haven't even left yet

i love you
momma

no.309 savga

a boy and a girl
met
and married
and started a life
together

it has been a roller coaster romance
that i wouldn't trade for anything.
anything.

from day one: in my mother's wedding gown
to
today
day six thousand, two hundred and five: t shirt, jeans, and boots

i love you tony...
happy anniversary


umarmen und lieben
bbkf
(ps, the photo is 6205 days old old old, and the actual album...back in va with gaia and grandpadad...kind of a family tradition)

no 308 what you can do

here

here you can help.
my thoughts keep going back to
Mrs. P.
and how her week is going to begin...
in a million years i could
never-
never imagine
living a day without
team leader.
never.

my heart aches for her
and my wish for the hardest day is
a moment
a moment when the love, support, guidance, and peace of her life keeps the reality of her life
away...she isn't only a marine wife
she's a military wife
we won't let her down.

my mind wanders to the soldiers-

the ones who go to war strong...
strong and
supported
strong and
alone

i think about the men and women i know who are downrange
fighting
i think about them and pray for their safe return
more important to me than anything else
a safe return-
home.

we are a nation at war

life happens
and sometimes that
safe return is more frantic than most
frantic because every fighting moment
is the difference...
when they are med-vac'ed back to germany

no one should ever be alone.
how we fight
who we fight for
what we fight
when we fight
where we fight
WHY we fight-
no one should ever be alone.

i know how we can help
do you?

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 307 real

this is real.

i wonder if people who get to live on the outside
and rarely
LOOK IN
understand that real people are really dying
and hearts are really breaking...
my prayers and love go out to Mrs. P, who will always be
a marine wife.

umarmen und lieben
essie, an army wife

no.306 blip on the radar

my blip
new job = amazing!
i'm loving loving LOVING it
and finding myself
whoa
stinking busy in a way i didn't know i could be...

team leader is tdy
again

the kinder of casa h have me running all over this base
pres-soccer
doodlebug-softball AND volleyball
mr. ben-soccer
oreo-desperately needing a trip to the groomer...30 minutes away
(and that's 30 autobahn minutes)

christmas card-valentines that FINALLY got here-
in time for me to send them out by easter...nice.
needing to call arkansas and not finding a phone number
ergh!

things climbing up the wall that need to go to the thrift
new dishes that take 8 weeks to arrive
old dishes that need to be packed up for next winter
motorcycle here in may
taxes done (thank heavens)
needing to move more "essie-life" into my office and knowing how much i despise the scary basement, totally aware that it might never happen.

stuttgart bazaar next weekend...do we really want $130 of dutch cheese?!
i know we can always use polish pottery (maybe 120 wine corkers)
and some other fabbo things
but the cheese
i kind of need a break...i think.

heart
heart
LOVE the pashminas that queen d brought back from turkey for me and the ladies of my family...we are going to be one smokin' hot group at this wedding!


did i mention that our christmas lights are still up?
i decided we're keeping them up until john gets back from afghanistan
that's me and
my plan
or blip
as it may be.

found: 3 letters to avery and crew, 3 letters to the house of bullotta, all dated in the year 2009...apparently we were loving you, thanking you, and sending you valentines.
hmmm
lost: my mind! sorry guys!!!

seriously busy...
blippen busy!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 305 a hat full of stars

I was folding up your letters
Unpacking winter clothes
Searching for my hat
I thought I left it by the door
So I tore around the room
Like a bird without a head
I saw your picture waving back at me
From underneath the bed
From a long, long time ago

When all I had
Was a hat full of stars
The one I'll always treasure
The one that you wore
You loved the look
But you never looked inside
You would have seen us there
You could've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars

I'm trying to live in the present
But I keep tripping on the past
Finding out reality, well clarity
Comes in dribs and drabs
No we never had the time
For everything we had
So it felt like we had nothing
That's what makes this hat so sad
It was a long, long time ago

When all we had
Was a hat full of stars...
...You would have seen us there
You could've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars

Now whenever I'm alone
And I think I might forget
I wear my lucky hat
Just like a crown up on my head -
'Cause all I have
Is a hat full of stars...
If you could see me now
You would've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars...
~Cyndi Lauper~

love to you, we remember today, and have cheesecake tonight.
essie

no 304 again with the pity party to poland

so this week past us now (thank the heavens!!)
was
a serious doozey.
it was beyond hard giving the reigns to my new me
while i encouraged her not to
BE
me
but rather
be herself
a loving teacher person who i know was the perfect choice for my smarties.

cutting the cord was really tough
tough like
cutting pounds of onions crying
the type that stings your eyes but makes you keep going
until
you are unable to do any more-
just done.

on top of that was unsettling news about one of my smarties
and that
is all i'll say.

with dentist appointment after dentist appointment
i was a full on hot mess by friday afternoon.
m.e.s.s.
and not at all in a cute way.

thank heaven for the friends who
will drive you 6 hours no matter how you look or smell-
will drive you 6 hours into another country
without
THEIR passports or international drivers licenses
(i did have mine-apparently just in case!!)
will drive you 6 hours into a magical
(and somehow frozen in another time)
land of pottery
and
after 2 days of
"pick me up and dust me off" spending
will drive me 6 hours home again...in hurricane gale winds.

still a hot mess,
but,
a hot mess with some kick a** polish pottery!!

umarmen und lieben
essie

ps hot mess love goes to the hubby who managed casa h in my absence, and let me run away from my hot mess life...i love you!

no.303 moving smarts

my overhire was approved yesterday and today she came in to start shadowing me until some time next week
when
my smarties become her smarties...

hitting me like a ton of bricks first thing this morning
quiet little tears surprising my teacher buddy, who hugged me and told me i was doing the right thing for
me,
my family, and
my super smarties.

she's great, the new me, and i really like the her i've known for a day-
i am sure that this is going to be a good transition for my littles,
i am sure this is going to be a good transition for me
i just wish my heart and my head would catch up to each other.
that
would be helpful

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 302

read cleaving

i have to say, i agree with this review.
team leader had said from the get go that he thought the julie in the movie was kookoo for cocoa puffs,
i just thought i didn't like amy adams in the role...
after reading this book, i get what it was that i didn't like.
i can't really explain it, but i get it now, and
(while admittedly i don't listen to him that often...)
team leader was right.

kookoo for cocoa puffs.
umarmen und lieben
essie
(ps, still love cooking, no worries there!)

no. 301 peace

is sometimes really hard to come by...
it's been a crazy couple of weeks here at casa h
straddling 2 jobs
husband traveling, traveling, traveling
teacher conferences
end of quarter grading
report cards
indoor recess...day after day
straddling 2 jobs
busy.

and when you're like me...
(christmas tree is still up in february)
(christmas stockings still to finish on your reading chair)
(laundry is crawling up a wall)
(camera is out of juice b/c you lost the usb cord to charge it and won't find it until you take your tree down)
you disappear into the stack of books you greedily checked out
i can't reccommend mackenzie phillips book...it is dark, twisty, not well written. i felt sorry for her-sorry and sad. what a mess.
farrah's story was another sad book, but sad for such a different reason-and alana stewart is a fairly good writer-surprisingly.
provenance was excellent! all about art forgery
still working on neverland and the dark side of JM Barrie (author of Peter Pan)

segwaying into: really needing this long weekend.
really!

team leader and i went off on saturday to france
soufflenheim, france
for a runaway lunch
and a gift recon mission in celebration of gaia and grandpadad's 44th anniversary!

FOURTY-FOUR years

we needed to find something really super-
crossing the border into france
ready to shop
where we found the gift
the front shop window
where team leader found the perfect steak
sideways, i'm sorry, but the ceiling and walls were CARVED...so so beautiful!
valentines
and finally some goodies that team leader bought for me


you didn't think i'd show you YOUR gifts
g and g
nooo, you will have to wait for the mail
with all our love!
umarmen und lieben
essie

the 300

is a two fold post only for the good of my heart and begins

with birthday hugs and love floating up to the cloud where i know you are
watching over me
watching over rahn
protecting us
protecting our families and loved ones
every day

in the same way
we protect who you were
in our heads
in our hearts
in our stories
of the student who became family
of the family who let us become family

in my life you are
with me every day.

happy birthday my sweet silly funny naughty absolutely fantastic little dulce
happy birthday love floating up to you with extra frosting, extra dip, extra love on top!


and to my best dear darling friend
phone calls on sunday are meant to be only for good news...in the other side of my heart, i believe that whatever is going on will be resolved.
you will be restored
all will be well.
i believe
i believe
i believe
and love you.
lots.

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 299 this post

spoke to my heart almost 2 years ago
and still speaks to me today...

had
to
share.
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 298 yes indeed

not complaining, just full...

my week was nuts last week.
with sick kinder, a traveling hubby, and a broken tooth
i was
ready for the weekend
in the largest of ways come friday night.
wow
was i ready.

friday was conference day, and after 8 conferences in a row, i sat down to eat my homemade tuscan bean soup
(emphasis on the BEAN)
first slurp in and
"whaaat was THAT?!!"
i raced into the bathroom to see my frankenstein tooth
(circa 1992-whole 'nuther post)
trying it's hardest to pop out of my mouth.

holy hot mess
and suddenly i'm in tears thinking about having to go to the dentist
b/c i have a totally irrational fear of the dentist
totally
i can own up to that
the drill makes me go into shock at the sound
whirrrrrrrrrr
and i'm done.

i called my boss (still in tears) who gave me her dentist and said
"get going!! it's friday!!"
i left and came back to our clininc on post
the same clinic where i have YET to be seen after 2 years b/c i'm not active duty deployable ( a whole 'nuther post)
where still in tears i set about to get in on an emergency basis.
THANKFULLY there weren't any natural or unnatural disasters looming and the nice appointment man told me to breathe and fill out the pre-exam paperwork.
which i did.
mentioning said frankenstein tooth in the process...literally.

b/c apparently i am not a horrible person and G-d does want me not to be a basket case 5 percent of the time I was sent back to see Dr. Dentist who started our exam with
"Seriously, i HAVE to see this frankenstein tooh...OPEN UP!"
and made getting a temporary filling
NOT
the end of my life (even though i think i promised him banana pound cake in return for my safety...not too sure)

back peddaling a tad...
i had hung up on team leader twice during my ride to the clinic and sensing my irrational stresslevel at it's max he arrived just as i was coming out for xrays with my early valentine:

ya know the tiffany keys...well...lets just say he went above and beyond!

i'm 100 percent sure my two heart mugs from my polish potter Andy took my gift to him down a notch
but
what the hay it was a gift from the heart, right?!
anyhoo...long story short, i have to go back for an oral surgery evaluation next week and am terrified to eat on one side of my mouth!
BLEECH
maybe now i'll lose a few pounds from the holidays
(taking the lemonade from lemons route here)

friday night was "flea market finds" where i had a riotous time with bb and others
and won a set of soufflenheim pottery (bundt pans)
yay
yay
yay!

it was late late late when i got home
which made waking up at the butt crack of dawn to go antiquing
h.a.r.s.h.
but
wake up i did
and 9 hours later came home with sugar mold candles and holder, and a wash board.
and stories
heavens the stories
SO not g-rated, sorry folks, but funny as the day is long.
my shopping pal-ies
HOW much i love you, i cannot describe, and queen d when you mooooove to savga
bb and i will miiiisssss you
lots.

taking us all the way around to today
we're off to find a new sofa...
hard to do on a sunday in germany b/c every german store is closed.
we'll be looking on base
not a super selection but it's only
looooooooking
not buying-
yet.

and the final BIG piece
the introduction of "bon appetit"
my foodie blog with boylie mr ben!!!
he LOVES the julie/julia movie (i know!!!) and wants to be momma's souschef so we've picked a few recipes from mastering the art...
(including Beouf B!! aunt dot get ready to cook)
and ina
and rachel
and a few other favs
for us to try...together
wish us luck!

umarmen und lieben
essie

ps
*e* i found my usb cord when i took down the tree...pictures are coming!!!
loves you!!!