GONE to Carolina in My Mind

here we are

2012-01-21T02:08:00.000-08:00

back again after a rapid fire work week
wow.
was i ever busy...

today it is cold and icky in germany

bleech.

yesterday: a very long and incredibly productive meeting and doodle bug got a fabbo haircut/dye
today: Model UN trip madness before prestie leaves for the Hague and Harry's 50th birthday
tomorrow: laundry, raking, mopping, cooking and driving

dontcha wish my life was yours?!!

here we are...domesticity and mid life living...at it's finest.

umarmen und lieben
essie

home again home again jiggety jig!

2012-01-14T02:44:00.000-08:00

long drive home in the very strange snow...snow-ish...wind...wind-ish.

home with a box full of love AND cookies
from florida
clothes-ies from colorado
and random items
from amazon

today on the menu at casa h
the taking down of a beautiful and very short lived
christmas tree

our only tree in morlenbach
the only time we will know the holidays in
this house

down
down
down.

so far, what took hours to find,
put up,
light,
and decorate
has taken a remarkable
93 minutes
to dismantle.

i have a table covered in
ornaments
and three pieces of
christmas tree
waiting on the couch to go into the
10 month box
before they are
ALL
pulled out again for the holidays in
wherever we are about to land...
next

there is something very exciting about
the unknown
the insane anticipation that brought us here
to the Odenwald
has tempered ever so slightly
because in great part
i know
100%
that we can do this...live in another country
miss who and what we love
skype or facetime
translate between no less than three languages on a daily basis
pay bills online...almost with regularity :o)
check the mail
buy groceries us or euro style
walk our dogs

we can live here and we can do it without
"holy hot mess batman" freak outs that were a little too regular this past fall
sometimes we're more spontaneous than other times
sometimes there's more available euro than other times
sometimes what's important ends up being not so much
and in all these times we've learned
we can roll with it
we can deal with it
or
we can simply let it go.

not in anyway
the end of the world
jiggety jig!

umarmen und lieben
essie

doing

2012-01-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

i can't say
"done and done"
YET
but today
the first of many many teacher boxes went
into the lounge with a happy sign that said
"FREE to a NEW home"

and, not looking back, taking no prisoners...

it felt really good!

books, lesson plans, activities, learning centers
all of it
sitting in the lounge waiting for new homes
a fresh start
for years of happy teaching
that until this afternoon
had been languishing in the basement

next week: five more boxes
and me, one week closer to a finish line that is really
my beginning

umarmen und lieben
essie

the fine line

2012-01-08T04:16:00.000-08:00

hmmm...
what IS the fine line?
WHERE is the fine line?
how have i been missing it for so very long?!

we are safely INto 2012
next week i will have been commuting from
home
to
hohenfels
for twelve complete weeks.

which i can hardly believe
because as i explained to doodlebug
i keep myself as busy at work as i possibly can
to stop from missing
home
so very much

12 weeks have passed and
we're still dealing with boxes from
august
boxes actually from
august 2007
when we first arrived in germany

and so
with the fine line closing in on ME
and in my honest attempt to be
a true role model
this weekend i do the unthinkable...

teacher boxes
full
of the greatest, longest, hardest, most earnest
days of my life
are coming back to hohenfels with me
up
for
grabs.

it's time for me to start accepting the fine line is maybe more
of a finish line

and i have to start somewhere
or we will have august boxes from 2012
in the basement in 2017
and that folks is really where i
must
draw the line.

umarmen und lieben
essie

trying trying!

2012-01-04T07:47:00.000-08:00

internet is hard to come by when i'm not at casa h...
my teeny tiny little boarding house room-not exactly the plaza when it comes to modern amenities.

it IS a safe, warm place though, when it's time to sleep after a long day at school.
i'm grateful.

that role model wish for 2012
i'm trying
really i am

sitting here in the java
watching all the high schoolers come and go-
next year will be good for the 2 harrisons who move here
with
lots of room for the harrison getting ready to
spread his wings
and our extra harrison-for the boys to come back to-
next year will be good.

for now though, we're trying
to finish the quarter
to learn new routines
to prepare for indoor soccer
to study for AP exams
to move forward

it's all we can do
role model with a smile

umarmen und lieben
essie

auld lang syne really means...

2012-01-02T00:17:00.000-08:00

this year on NYE we actually had all 5 in the car for enough time toshare our resolve and get into what we thought 2012 would help us accomplish...
(not in any order they follow)
good grades
acceptance into the college of my heart
learn german-not just liquid courage german-really speaking
improve my vocabulary
be a better role model

pretty lofty for casa h!

howevereveryone had something to say and given that for the past few years there have been
lists
suggestions
attitudes
heartbreak
disaster
joy
unexpected surprise
the absence of silence when we went around the car, i took as, a good sign

it's funny to me how the changefrom one year to the nextcan provide
comfort and expectation
all at once
newness must do that-
re-charge our inner batteryjust enoughfor hope to float to the surface
comeJanuary 1st.

shaking bad habits
dusting yourself off when you're down
coming back for more-day in...day out
commitment=the work of life

without hope stashed somewhere in the mix all you have ispressure

like i said before...no more balls in the air this yearno more pressure
2012: you're heeeere, and in my head and in my heart, hope floats
time to get started on that role model stuff.

umarmen und lieben
essie

let the new year begin

2012-01-01T02:46:00.000-08:00

2011 was without question the year of greatest upset and upheaval that i can remember

it's been a very long time coming-waiting for 2012
waiting for the ball to drop
waiting

in 2011 our family spent too much time with balls up in the air-
that kind of pressure, no one needs to live with

in 2012 our family has already many great things to look forward to
moments that will become memories
moments where laughing is the norm
moments where tears come from joy

2012 we're ready, no more waiting.
umarmen und lieben
essie

gabby

2011-12-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

this post is for you-

because i could
really i could leave a message on every post that your blog shares

you are such a wonderful wifey
you are such a marvelous momma
you are such a spectacular sister
you are such a fantastic friend...
i know right now you're blushing, laughing, and saying
"aaawwww essie-cakes, you are such a silly mess"
I can hear your voice in my head!
:o)

you ARE all these things, and so much more, gabness you truly are.

the memories you are working on making with your littles
the sleep you are losing because tamales and peppermint playdoh are callin
the grey along max's snout
the half smiles of your face (b/c a precious cherub has more photo space)
the look of complete satisfaction on mr. mike

you've accomplished this all
you have it good baby girl, i'm so proud of you!

G-d bless you this holiday and every day
with all my love
essie-cakes

eBee

2011-12-10T14:17:00.000-08:00

on a sunday 2 weeks ago
this nugget, of nothing but pure goodness,
became the newest member of our family.

as you can see, she came too soon...
so soon, that other people would say, this might be very difficult-
but other people don't know what i know.

my niece, Evelyn Beatrice, "EvieB"
my little lovebug,
my EBee
she has the heart of a lion
and the will to live that pales in comparison
to any wonder of the world i've ever seen.

in fact-in my eyes-
she's the 8th wonder of the world-
blessing and miracle all wrapped up in 2 pounds of sugar

so tiny
yet
so big
already
at 2 weeks
her spirit fills my heart
her want to be with her family
fills my soul

i cannot wait to meet her...these are the moments when 6000 miles does make the difference
and the difference right now is hard

for now
our coffeetalks will have to suffice.

my little bumblebee...we welcome you with love!
aunt essie

twenty six years = nine thousand, four hundred and ninety days

2011-11-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

in January 1986, Team Leader graduated from Ranger School...
he enlisted in october of 1985

waaay before he knew that in anchorage alaska his future was running track, dancing ballet, swimming, eating at McDonalds

his future was waiting for him, and, he had no clue.

he joined the service and made a decision to see this committment to his country
through
in the hardest way, as a Ranger, born into battalion
not looking back.

lately, he's had time to look back-
yesterday was the culmination of a twenty six year long career and a future,
he never saw coming.

today my husband,
MY center of gravity,
the man who has given me everything I never saw coming
used his Retiree ID card to access base.

talk about a moment.

yesterday when he finalized his status i apoloigized for not being THERE with him as he walked into his new life
his answer was simple:
"26 years ago I walked in quietly, by myself and today, 26 years later I'll walk out quietly...by myself"

when we hung up the phone i cried for a minute.

he's given so much, and you know today, all the people who saw the effective date on his new id card...not one person said thank you...which surprised me.

lessons learned over 26 years of service:
if YOU know why you did it, no one needs to say thank you, but it sure is nice.

lessons learned over 20 years of service:
marriage is forever.

I love you Tony-
thank you for everything you have done to secure our country in it's time of need
thank you for everything you have done to secure peace for all who desire calm and understanding
thank you for always being the person prepared
to give the ultimate sacrifice
to fight for the oppressed
to be the man our family can look up to-

congratulations, with all our love,
e,p,d, b, AND k

EIGHTEEN?!?!?!?!!!!

2011-10-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

once in a lifetime someone you love turns
18.
today it was biggers...
my number 1

the child who made me a mommy
rocked every single second of my world for
9 months
and arrived with a smile that melted my heart
and set the bar
high
high
high

he turned eighteen
snap!
just like that

we had cupcakes at football practice
the way we did on birthdays
7,8,9,10, and 11

we went to a sushi house for dinner
just like we did on birthdays
7,8,9,10, and 11

years that daddy was gone thanks to the army
and we did everything we could to make the absence seem normal-
it was the first time Team Leader had ever been at football practice to sing happy birthday to his own son.

my mother in law, on the phone tonight, said
"i know these days are bittersweet for you-i can feel that.."
bittersweet
emotional
busy
moving faster than any of us care to say

watching TL lead the team in the birthday song, i felt the first snap of an apron string breaking

my baby boy
my bigger
doodlebug and wee's big brother
OUR son

is eighteen
today

my birthday wish-that every year from here on out he feels the love that celebrated with him:
singing, laughing, joking, cupcake eating
loving him and wishing him well as he walked into his adulthood

october 5 1993
with all my love to you PAH
xoxoxoxoxoxox
momma

the start of a new decade

2011-09-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

ten years later.

we've been at war now for ten years-
in my lifetime i never thought something like this would happen.
i remember my friends in high school as we all turned 18 talking about
the selective service registration
they would have to fill out...
one small rite of passage that to them, at the time, was insignificant.

our son turns 18 in three weeks.

for me this birthday is poignantly significant on many many levels...
and
the day he signs that same small piece of paper
i'll be one degree closer to what entering a new decade of war actually
means.

sidebar into how this 10 year day is memorialized and trivialized all at once:
with
births
deaths
celebrations
picnics
pundits
sporting events
soccer clinics
prayer
quiet reflection
more prayer
and hope-
that perhaps, ten years is enough, and that the idea of walking blindly into ten more
should
mean something

sidebar back to my dear college friend in Japan-
i think of your brother, his selfless bravery in the face of true evil, and you...
part of a loving and gentle family that gave him the strength to be that man in that moment-i am in awe

i remain grateful and hopeful everyday because of it
you both signed that small piece of paper once upon a time...

segway into the reminder that in this world there are no guarantees
BUT
that doesn't mean we have to live in fear-
the unknown isn't always a terrible thing.
we should though, posture ourselves to live the lives we have graciously been given
with laughter, joy, and hope.
everyday
even when we aren't sure we really want to...
we have these days to live because someone else has signed that small piece of paper
and
has in someway or another
been called to answer for it

everyday-find the moment
live it
love someone because of it
laugh for no reason
pray for peace-everyday

Rest in Peace Jeremy and Karen
with love
e

sweet little blog o mine

2011-08-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

i haven't forgotten you
I SWEAR!

it's been a busy busy summer-
moving
soccer
moving
cars
dogs
kids
family
summer
and it ends tonight
*sigh*

Year 22 begins

umarmen und lieben
essie

photo-palooza begins now!

2011-07-17T10:27:00.000-07:00

TDY love, take one: March 2011

Poland with Lena and babies: February 2011

(the magical glass garden...next trip, the peacock comes home)

(all the loot from that trip and yes-the christmas tree is in the background)

Michael Brendel ODP tourney...the faces of soccer that i love...

(benzilla totally torked off b/c his team came in 3rd...)

Momma: denim and diamond auction Feb.2011

(that's the bavarian bed i won for $82.00-madness!!!)

Pres: indoor soccer tourney Nov. 2010

good grief

2011-06-19T23:51:00.001-07:00

i've been a baad blogger.

and i missed (among other things)
wishing my one and only
girl
the happiest 15th birthday a momma could ever wish!

as i type
i'm down(or is it UP)loading
762 photos from my camera

essentially the lives of those wacky inhabitants at casa h
since...
January-ugh-i'm in blogging time-out for bad behavior!

i'm getting there folks-hang in!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 368 house photos

2011-06-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

these photos aren't on fb...

side view of the front of house

backyard from the bier garten

backyard minus our 4 legged neighbors

my new kitchen! as seen from the dining room

YAYAYAYAY!!!

367 odenwald...here we come!

2011-05-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

miracle of miracles

we found out on saturday that
the house
the place where
i can see

friends
parties
family
parties
birthdays
parties
anniversaries
parties
graduations
parties
dances
parties
dresses
parties
suits
parties
flowers
parties
coffee mornings
parties
snow
parties
sunshine
parties
commuting
parties
a trampoline
parties
and puppies becoming
dogs

the house
is ours for the renting
and my heart is
happy!

now-some photos are on fb-and photos
will eventually be posted here
i owe lots of picts...i know this...i've been really busy
BUT
what most be noted for posterity-
there is MUCH room for all of our lovies to join us
in
Germany!~!~!~!

please consider it...
umarmen und lieben
essie

weeeel hello there friends!!

2011-05-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

it's been so long since i blogged i realized i didn't know if i remembered my LOG IN!
errp.
with a little hair dye and head scratching
i got it

and

with high school soccer officially over for this school year
i'm back!

photos of the soccer madness will be posted, and the fyi-
we have 2 kinder receiving varsity letters...
wooo stinkin hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our harrisons were spectacular
in every way!
(i love my kiddos very very much)

umarmen und lieben
essie

4 out of 4

2011-03-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

snap your fingers and
poof.
just like that
you watch your first born
register for his
last
year
of school...

bittersweet
doesn't even begin to describe
the place
where my heart sleeps tonight

so proud
and full of disbelief
all at once

where did time fly away too
and why do i want it to slow
slow
so much
slow down?

i love you with every piece of my momma heart
p.a.h.
every piece

and it is my momma heart-string wish
for you
that the year ahead is magic.

umarmen und lieben
momma

18 is a great number!

2011-03-27T21:12:00.001-07:00

happy anniversary BB-
i love you with all my heart!!!
BB

18 is a great number!

2011-03-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

happy anniversary BB-
i love you with all my heart!!!
BB

362 wild horses

2011-03-14T08:38:00.001-07:00

what an insane week-
BUT
what a lucky girl, getting to see gaia, grandpadad, uncle j, ang, lor, da, and...
my rahnie/schultz!!!
(as if they were a WWE tag team!!)
i met some wonderful folks at HQ
i did some wonderful work, with said folks, at HQ

i decided to fill "my house in germany that doesn't know it's our house" with beautiful paintings
starting with Grammie's, and now adding TWO more beauties of Rodger's to our fray!

"word"
"the bride"
"a sweet disorder"

meet

"esther bonsai"

"cinnamon bonsai"

and "almost tony bonsai" which is a comission based on this piece, which team leader fell in love with
but was sold faster than we could purchase

rodger is the hubby of my superfly momma rose, and daddy of my super K, and
the magician behind this amazing talent.

HE is so seriously up and coming-wild horses couldn't stop this man
WE are so proud to call him and his beautiful family our friends
great people
great art

it was a whirlwind week-part 2 starts up in less than 3 weeks
i can't wait!

umarmen und lieben
essie

361 remember

2011-03-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.
~Michelangelo

with love, hugs, prayers and peace
to e, and g,
with our friendship
hand in hand
heart to heart
always

360. i can hear the angels singing

2011-02-18T23:01:00.000-08:00

best day EVER
was yesterday
(which is still coming up as today b/c that's how my yoda laptop works...)
holy smoke-
this past week has been busy busy busy
making me
tired tired tired
all leading up to friday and a professional development day that was setting itself up to be maybe not so much fun.
the big kicker, me, and my 2 coaching partners in crime were RESPONSIBLE for the professional development
us
with big smiles
"this will be fun, and useful, and help us all work on our craft!"
looking out at
a cohort of colleagues who are dealing (or not) with the impending upheaval of a move because of base realignments.

FYI-if you don't know, having no control over your future can be a terrifying thing,
and
when you've lived somewhere for as long as 20 years
being told you have to attend a meeting to begin that process can be a
major
buzz
kill

(now over at casa h, we haven't lived ANYWHERE for more than 7 years, but the uncertainty of big moves can be troubling...)

back to the buzz kill-
I
was the presenter scheduled to do her thing when we all came back to our professional dev after the morning meeting.
the "after lunch bunch"
i was so nervous i literally took 30 seconds and cried.
(and yes, maybe it was a little overly dramatic of me, but the friend I was with is a boston toughie, she can handle it)

i went to my pro dev and pasted on my best
"not terrifed"
smile until i learned that the superintendent for curriculum instruction and assessment was there-
early-we DID have a meeting but it was meant to be AFTER my schpeel
NOT
before it.

gulp

big girl panties on now-i do my part and right brain/left brain balance my fear with how we all need to LOOK at our students as the whole child, not one way or another, brain balanced activities in the classroom, mind mapping my way through the longest and shortest hour of my life.

woohoo at 2:00!
i'm done!

then the meeting-with our superintendent CIA
heh
it even makes him laugh
a BIG very important meeting that sends me in 10 days back to the states to HeadQuarters
OMG
OMG
OMG
twice
that's right TWO trips back to virginia and my MOMMY!!!!

(sidebar: gaia is having amazing reactions to her chemo meds, the infusion nurses are thrilled, she has all her hair-tho prestie shaved his off in solidarity to his grandma-heart of MY heart)

so i wrap up my meeting, and come home.
friday was almost over-BUT
somewhere in an office-somewhere
my district superintendent was working with our HR and union to decide who (of the 79folks that were looking for jobs-all those people with me in the morning meeting) would get one of the 65 available jobs in our district and maybe not have to make a tremendous move somewhere around the world.

at 6;16 pm my notification came to my work inbox
i was placed in THE school where i wanted to go-
with an admin team i cannot wait to work for-
in a city in germany that will allow
pres to graduate here
dollie to graduate here
and
ben (who was REALLY rooting for italy)
to be pretty ticked off but available enough to be bribed back into happy.

no more worrying about job security
no more stairwell

benefits that give us a real life with ROOTS
my heart overflows with thanks for the blessing bestowed on my family-
roots.
a fighting momma.
a job.

and with that, i CAN hear the angels singing!
it is a full on hallelujah chorus!!!!
wiesbaden germany-get ready for casa h!
umarmen und lieben
essie

dear heavens

2011-02-05T22:49:00.000-08:00

team leader and i are STILL laughing!!!

no 358 just like that

2011-02-01T20:58:00.001-08:00

it is february!
and this baby (photo taken in december)

will be FOUR months old on the 9th!!

photo montage to follow!
umarmen und lieben
e

no 357 who else is going to bring you a broken arrow

2011-01-30T03:02:00.000-08:00

so i've spent the morning trolling blogs written by women who are fully funded (by hubbies that must be gazillionaires and all the ads on their sites) who are 100% into the home decor thing.

now, don't get me wrong, i'm all about a pretty home

i guess i don't keep up with trends, and really decorate with things i like or were given to me by people i love(d)

as the only girl, i've gotten a lot of the pass downs from the grammies and grandpas, and every now and then i'm reminded of just how old some of these things are...like this chair i'm sitting in-right now
it was in my grandfather's office in DC, and i've loved it since i was in middle school
loved it so much that my mom had it recovered for me 8 or so years ago
-
because really
i'm not the girl who has figured out how to do that
-
but in this last month, a leg has broken, and i think my days with this sweet old friend might be really numbered...does giving it away mean i'm a bad granddaughter?
should i find someone who can help me restore it to greatness...a little more life yet to be lived, or sat in, really

and this computer desk...bedroom furniture that mom and dad got for pres back
in
2000...
it's a full on hot mess
BUT
since we moved here the kids friends have written on it, signed their names, left their marks and personalized it in a way that monograms just couldn't do it justice.
it is bulky
it is outdated
it is ours...but should IT go?

speaking of which, my cookbook madness...i love a good cookbook, and when we left nc, i gave at least 20+ away
so explain this
(for the record...these are the books actually on a shelf.
the rest are stacked on a counter...all 15 of them, and, one recipe box)

how do you decide when you're ready to make changes...is there a cosmo quiz out there somewhere to help you know WHEN?

i happen to love my christmas tree
and all our ornaments
and my colored lights

i really don't want a theme tree every year...it's hard enough for me to commit to gift wrap!

anyhoo...oma mentioned that mr. pres has photos on fb that made her feel like she was on a virtual field trip with the boy...and made me realize that i've been pretty bad about sharing life in europe with ya'll.

must be the opsec in me
(operational security for those who just said "what the face, essie?!!")
i really don't like taking photos of our base, or the bases we go to-just in case.
but i can take photos of where we go and what we do when we are OFF post
and i can work a little more on the sharing part

while i'm throwing away and repainting everything we own in between!

gaia, btw, sounds fantastic and is swimming a mile a day in spite of her monthly trip to the doctor!
grandpadad is walking a full country mile a day, up and down winding roads with more energy now than he knew he still had!
oreo is the happiest little doggie, thanks in great part, to all the new outfits he's gotten post life-redeux!
junior has FINALLY figured out how to go DOWNSTAIRS without being carried-miracle of miracles-and in the nick of time as he's topped 30 pounds at 16 weeks!
the kinder of casa h are recovering from a nasty bout of make-up work-
team leader is perfecting his future stay at home princess cooking
(which i love...who else is going to bring me a bottle of rain...just him)
and me
i've taken a very refreshing break from fb, a self induced cyber holiday, proving to myself that i really prefer blogging to all the insane fb updating that i did before
i've cleaned my head and heart of the worry, stress, and negativity that started up my school year and i'm not looking back!

(in fact, i'm even listening to music in the house, another thing off my 2011 to do list...go me!)

we're survivors over here at casa h, us, folks and furniture-
thinking i've answered my own question i'm off to look for some fabric and wood glue.
happy almost february to all my loves
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 356 fruit gum

2011-01-29T12:25:00.001-08:00

no.351 back

2011-01-15T00:41:00.000-08:00

from a whirlwind trip to the states

i'm still putting it all together in my head...the moment i hugged my mom-
how little she felt in my arms
my brothers and dad
how their bodies all relaxed-slackening after carrying so much weight these past few weeks.

driving to the doctor, again and again
cleaning out drawers and shelves
(don't forget to make that salvation army drop!)
setting up schedules
learning how to
shop online for groceries (WHO KNEW!!)
resetting our family goals-
our hopes and dreams
that are so simple in actuality
but mean everything, all on the table, open and exposed
in this new year

i'm sorry i didn't get to see and/or say goodbye to the people who carry their love for our family in their hearts-you make living in a small community worth all the wealth in the world and tho we didn't get to see and say what our hearts know...
i
love
you
all!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 350 Guten Rutsch

2011-01-01T01:25:00.000-08:00

we hope your slide into 2011 was fun, fast, and gave you enough time to find something soft to catch you upon impact!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 349 "resolutions vs. REALLY cool list"

2010-12-31T14:38:00.000-08:00

* credit where credit is due...i'm cyber stealing my dear friend Christy's idea, with love and hugs to her for being so brilliant! *

sitting in our little apartment

no pictures to share from a birthday, hannukah, christmas eve, christmas day, dinner, puppy-love, or new years eve as they were just accidentally erased
(yup...that really did just happen...seriously, every photo on my camera-g.o.n.e.)
i'm thinking that G-d, in his infinite wisdom somehow KNEW i needed to begin this year with
a
clean
slate

filling up on delicious racclette
drinking waaay too much apple-pomegranate juice
relishing a phone call
reflecting on 2010
and wondering
just what will happen
in 2011

i went for a blog walk
started looking at my favorite places to lurk
where friends i know and friends i'll never actually meet
go
to share the labors and loves of their own lives.

and in the middle rests this:
no more resolutions, just REALLY cool lists-
lists of the things that make life
happy
exciting
maybe a little scary as we venture outside a comfort zone
full.

really full.
so here is MY contribution to what casa h might need in order to be really cool
(in no particular order, but because i AM a teacher, i'm counting down from 10 to 1)

10. get our puppy to walk DOWN the stairs before he is over 25 pounds and I can't carry him forever.

9. teach my children the importance of handwritten communication over texting or email

8. go to a cooking class somewhere exotic

7. become the hot wifey to a US SF retiree!!!!

6. play more music in our house-all kinds

5. read a book alongside each of our three littles so we can actually DISCUSS what's happening as we read

4. move off the bunny slope...in more ways than even I know

3. dance with my husband on a beach

2. (this is a real 2-fer) take a stab at relearning my HS French AND improving my get out of jail German

1. go to craptastic ohio

live in the NOW, by doing all of these things and then, make another really cool list!

Guten Rutsch (mit umarmen und lieben)
Willkommen 2011

essie

no 348 we interrupt this blog

2010-12-26T05:46:00.000-08:00

for a fun giveaway that is located right over here!

*e* go look and try to win!
xoxox

no 347 wake up...I'm 11!!!

2010-12-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

the sound of excitement at 530 in the morning

my little boy

not quite so little anymore
not quite so big
that buckets of toys, books, and movies there to
celebrate
HIM
aren't the icing on his birthday cake!

they were...
and for the record...
having that nugget of little still in my life-
that's the icing on mine!

i love you ben ben-
happy 11th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!
momma

(photos to follow-my c drive is full and i need to move some old photos to make room for the new ones!)

the worst of it

2010-12-19T00:54:00.001-08:00

yesterday my daughter said
"get off the phone, daddy says miss jessica is calling you"

one minute i was christmas shopping
the next
i was literally sitting down
listening to my darling friend
tell me the worst of it

listening to jess
find the strength to finish
what i asked her to start when i emailed her 10 days ago
worrying only about pneumonia
not cancer

out loud
no censoring real life
on my blog
my diary
mine

my mother has cancer
stage 4 cancer
in the pleural lining of her lung

this isn't cancer you can operate on-really
though i've found a specialist in boston that i want to talk to
just because
just because i've been away
6,000 miles away and doctors haven't been talking to me
i need my questions answered
first hand
to ensure that where we go next HELPS HER

she begins chemo at the hospital today, and, continues chemo in our hometown hospital when she gets back early next week

she's absoluely gobsmacked by this-we all are-cancer from out of thin air?!
who says that is alright?

i'm mad
i'm scared
i'm hopeful
i'm prayerful
i'm ready to meet this head on with her
but really-when are we ever ready to hear the worst of it
and not feel slightly, ever so slightly
shattered

heart of my heart-
heart of her heart
i carry you

gaia

2010-12-16T10:36:00.000-08:00

they call us the sandwich generation
the ones who have their children
and
their parents
we love
we laugh
we live
caring for them all
caring for them because that's what families do

until

someone else has to provide the care
the care
that could be the
difference between
life and death

and then, in the moment when, care rests on the shoulder's of another
you realize that
you aren't alone
you were never alone
you won't face the future alone

my sweet mother is facing the battle of her life right now
i'm six thousand miles away
trusting with all my heart
and soul
in the team that has been placed in charge of her care

i know she will survive this
possibly war-torn in places before this fight is won-
but alive
which is what matters most

she needs to know what, where, and WHY
before she can really begin this fight-that is her-
i need to know that she believes she will be healed-that is me-

together we are mother and daughter
heart of my heart
heart of her heart
our own sandwich

when i was little we used to make a family sandwich:
mom and dad were the bread, i was the filling...
our own sandwich

no wonder.

i LOVE you mommy
you WILL be healed
YOU will fight this and
W.I.N.
gleefie

no. 346 OR the third of Oreo's final bill

2010-12-11T13:52:00.000-08:00

oof.

as if the last post wasn't emotional enough
gaia has landed her overworked self in the
hospital

her very own hell on earth,
as a manner of speaking-is the hospital
and
she's there...
for a while it appears
thanks to a horrifying case of
pneumonia
which collapsed one lung, pushing the other lung,
literally
into tomorrow
and in the process crushing her trachea.

too close a call for me-for all of us actually
and
now because we add insult to injury
her trip to germany for christmas is indefinitely postponed...the place where she gets to rest and relax, is too far for her to travel.
boo
hiss
wipe away the tears and pull up the bootstraps
all so she can GET BETTER
and find her way back to us.

jessica and traci...you will NEVER know how much your getting to her, meant to
me.

how much you 2 mean to
me.

i've said it probably 25 times since thursday night when grandpadad made the call:
"i choose to believe we ARE a lucky family"
a very lucky family-
tonight i count my blessings once again, and ask that happy thoughts continue to be sent my precious momma's way.

umarmen und lieben
dassie

no. 345 OR the deposit on oreo's vet bill to date

2010-12-03T08:32:00.001-08:00

so it stands to reason
just
when you think everything is under control
when you think you are the captian of your ship
when you think you are the master of your destiny
that somewhere
something
someone
someplace...
it will all go tits up.

here i was chugging down a cider, convinced my only problem was
the growing carb tire-quickly making itself at home around my abdomen.
simple stuff people
until
oreo got sick

not just "MOOOOOOOOOOOOM the dog's puking" sick
but really really "holy shit" sick
the kind of sick that makes a mom like me
not sooo dainty
actually full on spazzing
and terrified

with thanks to our German groomer, and one of our "extra harrisons" who speaks perfect German
we got oreo, in the moment where i thought his life was ending before us, to
a 24 hour clinic.
he's been there since wednesday night and continues to surprise everyone with his
fiesty little shih tzu attitude
however, we really need him to respond to the meds he is on-physically respond-go to the bathroom on his own...
he needs to pull that rabbit out of his hat by monday
we can't maintain a dog on a catheter forever...
the actual cost of this canine emergency is staggering and at a point
the financial hemmorage needs to be contained.

saying it out loud made me physically sick last night
and by the grace of true love, the people who know me best,
absolved me of this heartwrenching guilt.

loving them as i do, a thousand times i would take the stinging pain
of horrible decision making
away-
thanking them, i realize, isn't enough...
knowing we always have the benefit of living our lives together-that will do.
certainly it will and for that i thank the powers that brought us to each other

so seeing him this afternoon, perfect in everyway but one, made the reality of this weekend all too clear.
our little, high maintenence, dramatic, outfit loving doggie needs a
hannukah miracle
so, if it isn't too much to ask-when you have a second, give it to oreo and then share it with G-d

umarmen und lieben
e

no. 344 up early

2010-12-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

late night always mean an early up.

junior shortbus...he's been up for an hour
which means...I'VE been up for an hour
really, how much sniffing and toy chewing can a puppy do?!!
at least he's taking my mind off the events from this week, and what might lie ahead

someone please tell the weekend to get here NOW

"yes, it's okay, they are the same thing"

e-i can't begin to tell you what that meant last night
and how perceptive IS that mr. tony

fixing will happen after i pay off the vet.

sending all my love to a craptastic town in ohio.
every little last bit!
e

no. 343 heartfelt thanks

2010-11-30T01:27:00.000-08:00

i cannot begin to describe everything i'm thankful for-
my heart knows what my head can't always find the words for
which
is often times good enough for me.

lately though
life has been
hard
really
really
quite difficult and very
very unpleasant
and now with the heels of a lovely restorative holiday behind me
back come the words, so, here goes:

"a hard fall" can mean more than one thing...
this fall, down i went-
what went with me, my confidence and my ability to trust

my thanks this year came
(naturally)
in the form of the man who took me on 18 years ago without looking back
him
and the family we've carved from our life together;
my three baby owls, whatever in the world would i be without you?

the friend who knows me sometimes better than i know myself
taking seconds to share common words of hope
in spite of insane "kotel living" (remember mr. ben and the "kotels!") for 4 months that would make any reasonable person certifiable after 4 days!
those single moments that become our life line phone calls...we really should have paid better attention to how good we had it back on miranda drive...
ah well
until mr. nestle gets his act together-seconds, moments, phone calls will do!

a little boy who keeps his car seat in my car
safely defining where he fits in my heart
and his beautiful momma (to be) a daddy who came home to them-
what joy awaits around yonder bend for this little family

cows.
the dairy.
a dedicated and devoted family we found by accident
bringing me "round aboot" to pieces of myself...
chance becomes great, good, fortune
and
friendship for life.

heartfelt thanks indeed
for love, friendship, guidance, perspective, kindness, more love and family.
always family.

i love you tony
e

no. 342 new baby love

2010-11-30T01:21:00.000-08:00

sweet little nose
all scrunched up
sweet little wiggly body
all stretched out
baby breath
baby smell

join the five of us (and one VERY ticked off Oreo)
in welcoming

Junior H

who joined our brood 8 weeks ago when pres and i walked in to walk his momma and da'
only to find that he and eight other little boxers had been born moments before!

he snores when he sleeps
and
he likes to sleep next to one of us OR
the enormous soft teddy bear which came off dollie-doo's bed to create a family feel for him.

another creature in 900 square feet-
i must be mad!

until the day they cart me away-
umarmen und lieben
e

no.342 ready for the holidays

2010-11-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

and we'll be putting up the tree this weekend!
in the nick of time
after Thanksgiving
before Hannukah
all happening
really ready, or, not?

pictures of the mayhem to follow

umarmen und lieben
e

no. 341 so...

2010-11-15T10:39:00.000-08:00

what do you want us to bring you back from
IRELAND?

thanksgiving redefined:
5 harrisons
+
3 mcganns
for 3 days
=
whoa big BIG fun!

we will get there a few days ahead...blarney stones to kiss and all
when you can't go home for the holidays
you make the most of the holidays.

we
are trying!

umarmen und lieben
essie

HBBB to tante!!!

no. 340 huh?!

2010-11-14T00:36:00.000-08:00

when did it become november?
and more importantly
when
did it become the 14th of november?!!

good grief this year has zoomed by.

first weekend where we got to sleep until 7am on saturday...kind of interesting how those 2 extra hours of sleep can make a day
thaaaaaat
much better.

wishing tho
-this beautiful fall morning 6000 miles away-
that i were close enough to give my tante
the
huggle buggle bunny burger
that carries her out of the hospital
and
back into her home.
wishing...

i love you tante
essie

R.I.P. Halloween Momma

2010-10-31T01:47:00.001-07:00

we had a great run, Halloween and i-
if i had known on those exhausting early evening walks that there would be a day when i didn't go with you
i would have never complained...
not once.
i would have spent more time laughing
and taking photos
and maybe even dressing up a little myself

*sigh*

Halloween was always about the three of you
and the costumes you had to have
and the love i sewed into every stitch.

when you morphed into the three who had other costume ideas
i stepped back and let you
tell me
show me
and ultimately fall behind as you ran from house to house

prestie, if lukie was there that was all that mattered, friendship came before candy
doodle bug, you were the one with the most stamina, you could walk for blocks
mr. ben, the excitement was in the costume, not in the treats-you were always done within 15 minutes.

we took photos in front of houses with virginia leaves falling
we took photos of mouths tasting chocolate for the very first time
we took photos along a white picket fence with friends that were family-the mommas always amazed by the changes in you from year to halloween year

and at the end of the night i'd fall asleep so tired i couldn't feel my toenails
thankful that i had 365 days of respite
after last night (our "designated trick or treat night" here on post)
i came to the conclusion, with a gulp in my throat and a teeny tiny tear from an eye, that seventeen years is a pretty good run

last night after an amazing day of football where you ran in an 80 yard touchdown, you went BY YOURSELF
waving me away when your friends met you at the field, but thinking enough about the momma in the car to yell without turning "LOVE YA mom"

you two
-oh my goodness-
a day of heartfelt volleyball, where a season ended with many more lessons learned than skills (yes lovebug, you really ARE THAT good, don't doubt it) and a brother who made every home game to cheer you and the school you share on

you both raced home to get ready for a birthday party-
at a hotel-
no trick or treating
best friends sharing moments that will be the memories you cherish
you came into the livingroom and i saw this

and suddenly it was me, team leader, and the dog.
we were meant to go to a halloween party-i made
"cured epidermis with bone marrow slices"
(prosciutto ham baked to a crisp with slices of melon)
and
"devils on broomsticks"
(dates stuffed with asiago cheese, wrapped in bacon, baked to a crisp)
when the internet died
and we lost
EVERY PIECE OF PARTY INFO
that we had
and
while we were all dressed up
suddenly
we had no place to go

so that was the final trick i suppose
halloween got one over on me at last
here's MY treat
i will always have the memories

HAPPY HALLOWEEN YA'LL

umarmen und lieben
e

no. 338 seriously due for an update

2010-10-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

in the weeks of this
busy
busy
fall
i've gone full throttle away from summer
into
fallish working madness

i've sadly neglected this blog.
for which i am greatly sorry
because as much as i love updating posts for each of you
i've so loved doing it for me-
just looking back on our life
makes all the days of it that we spend
so far away from each of you
not
so far after all.

what you're really here for is the pictures...i know!
umarmen und lieben
essie
First day of fifth grade

First day of high school...

no. 337 the dream that became a reality

2010-10-05T11:42:00.001-07:00

was born seventeen years ago today...

our boy.
seventeen sounds so big-
he is, make no mistake, but
the smile

the smile
will always be part of the face
i saw
staring back at me
those beedy little eyes

at 6:21 pm
on October 5th, 1993.

my son
his momma
us
i told you then
"i waited for you-and-here you are!"

you gazed back at me with those eyes
saying in that moment where love is cemented
that you had waited for me too

i try to remember that frozen moment
when you push me to a limit
i should remember it more than on the day of your birth
and really...
i do

tonight you sit across from me
i watch you
laughing at the cards
loving every minute of our
family
celebration
same beedy eyes full of life, wonder, and fire
same amazing little person

not
so little
but forever amazing...
my dream
my reality
my son.

happy seventeenth birthday
umarmen und lieben
momma

another year

2010-09-11T04:08:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to my little Smartie who has made it to 3rd grade
-Q-
mrs. h couldn't be more proud of you...

out of the ashes, rises, the reborn phoenix

never forget
look for peace
cherish the love you have
remember who you are and
why that matters

every day we try to give you a better world
we will never forget

no. 335

2010-08-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

i feel better-
i think...

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-16T09:04:00.000-07:00

no. 334 the greener grass

2010-08-15T01:20:00.001-07:00

*warning, this post won't make any sense-at all-i need to vent...*

what is it about wanting to make things easy
that turns
every day life into something so stinkin' hard?

there is
never enough sleep
never enough money
never enough time
never enough
to keep people calm, healthy, satisfied, secure, relaxed...
normal

WHY
do people feel the need to muddy water?
because they do-there are some who just aren't happy unless they've shown you
just how nasty they are prepared to be
(feel free to substitute selfish, mean, sarcastic, self-centered, snarky, angry, consumed, lost, needy...jealous for nasty)
what is up with that?

i was washing my face yesterday and realized
i am going to be 43 on my next birthday...FOURTY THREE
my skin should be "thick" enough,
my "duck-ish dander" should be slippery enough
this unfair and unneccessary bleech should have rolled off my back...
instead it's festered.
I have let someone else dump their ugly into my life and now i can't get rid of it...it has really pushed a button i didn't know i still had
by now, at my age, should i have learned that for some the grass isn't always greener?
if so, how do i go back and erase this?
do i confront it, or, do i simply release it?

ugh. seriously.
this is a hard time for many people right now-
be it the economy
a growing family
children and transitions
work
lack of work
illness
insanity
i get that, but nice does matter-
i believe that
wherever our (collective) grass is and whatever it's color
the greener grass = nice in my book...not nasty.

and now, rereading this, i choose to release this ick.
your issues are not my problem-
i can't apologize anymore

you think you know me, and you really don't, because if you did you would see that greener grass for me, is rooted and nurtured anywhere my loved ones are and my loved ones are everywhere...sometimes everywhere is hard to reach

so, in light of that
i can choose to wish you well and hope that your life settles down enough for you to see that you aren't alone, people do care about you, and your greener grass might be directly under your feet...take a step forward.

no. 333 one thousand ninety six days ago

2010-08-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

i posted this

it dawned on me while we were on this leave, that in returning to germany we would, begin our fourth year living overseas...still
away
from all of you
away
from the day in...day out
away
from the fast trips to meet up for coffee and laughs

away.

not getting anywhere NEAR what we wanted to on this trip
was hardest on me this go around
make no mistake, the festivities of the wedding, and family/extended family fun in virginia and florida were the absolute best-
my regrets however are twofold:
that we just couldn't get to everyone
and
that more of you haven't come to see just how wide our world is-
(albeit 900square feet in government housing is nowhere as glamourous as it was back in julia child's day!)

our world remains wide
our world remains big...
i'm not any less scared by what the future holds
as i stare down the reality of our house getting smaller when college comes knocking, but
i've learned these thousand days later that i can make our home anywhere the five of us
are.

what i didn't know then
i know now
home isn't where the army sends us,
home is us.

year four began this morning.
the past three years have been full of day in...day out
and while google map might say the actual distance, we are only as far away as our hearts feel.
this has, so far, been an adventure i could never have imagined embarking on with anyone-
for the love of teamleader, biggers, wee, and benzilla, i remain eternally grateful, and
look forward to all the many wide, wide days ahead

umarmen und lieben alles
e

no. 332 yankees vs. redsox

2010-08-03T12:10:00.001-07:00

no. 331 back

2010-07-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

words aren't there for me to describe every one of the 10,000+ miles we drove over the last month...what i know vs. what i don't:

cousins are more than family
time can't erase love
distance can't wear away the bonds of friendship
hot weather is hot anywhere-europe or the states
i can never get enough shoes
i taught doodlebug to hunt down a sale WAAAAY too well-her bag was over 50 pounds
my trio of casa h love is a pretty amazing trio
mr. tony won't let me drive unless i hide the keys from him
the east coast is LOOOOOOOONG
maine is seriousssssllly far from virginia on a holiday weekend
the red sox/yankees rivalry mojo is REAL people-don't mess with it
it is possible to hate a car
and
specific hotel chains
or not chains
i may never eat pizza again
benzilla is fired for his rabbit ear nonsense in almost every photo
nice does matter
dogs DO have a sense of time
and finally, when utterly exhausted, i will ramble.

suffice to say
i hope the pictures can finish the talking-they come next, but for those who dare, the 2010 El Agave Goldberg-Harrison snap followed with the 2010 Euro Harrison/Florida Harrison snap...we are fabulous!!!

umarmen und lieben alles
essie

no. 330 here

2010-06-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

back in virginia...
NOT missing the nasty traffic
one
single
bit
but-
missing the friends and family means
so
seriously
looking forward to catching up with lovies in spite of the traffic!

wedding madness makes updates kind of hard, so i'll do my best between now and next week, the actual event is saturday the 3rd in camden maine...deborah-TOTALLY eating a lobster roll for us both and toasting our superhero reading powers!!
we head up to maine on thursday, with a stop coming and going planned for a quick trip into boston for mr. ben and siblings!
(lil' kim...any "must do" food stops or goodies you want us to get?!!)

from there:
hugs and love with the VA peeps, and then another LONG drive to sunny florida for harrison family fun, cuddles with the sweetest niece and waay too grown up nephew (who graciously lets me call him my honey bear...still)
late nights hitting then 24 hour target with the world's best sister in law, laughing and eating Big Apple pizza!
we
cannot
wait!!

lovies in germany-WE MISS YOU!!!
and have our fingers and toes crossed for a WM WIN!!!
umarmen und lieben
essie

no 329 on a manifest

2010-06-27T05:46:00.000-07:00

after 2 years...pres and i will be back in the states!
everyone else has been back since our last visit summer '08

not me and my boylie-we're very excited, and hope we get to see everyone while we're home!
angus...CHECK FB for the flight info

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 328 the one where we watch the US play Ghana

2010-06-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

so... we didn't get on the flight to charleston.
20 seats off.

BUT

because of this, our numbers look fantastic for tomorrow!
for now-PRAY for the seats
AND
that we make a goal on this penalty kick

s.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y!!!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

USA
USA
USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

umarmen and lieben
essie

no 327 update

2010-06-26T04:10:00.000-07:00

looks like we are waiting on Charleston for today...
back soon with good news-i hope!
tomorrow there are a number of flights headed to all of you, and our numbers look good!

umarmen und lieben
e

no 326...space a

2010-06-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

it's official...our summer travel adventure has begun!
we're sitting tight in our hotel room right now, heading over to the terminal in a few hours to see what the stars have in store for our traveling wilbury family!

no matter what, it looks like some family in VA will have to drive a few hours to pick us up-the joys of living in the woods!
just remember, if you hit traffic on the highway, we've already traveled 6000 miles to get back to ya...i'm just sayin...

we promise to keep ya'll posted as it is always an adventure
when your tickets are
free.
(SCHAweeet deal, minus all the wait and see pudding when you have a large family and full fares are as ridiculously high as they currently stand)
cross those fingers and toesies, we're trying trying trying!!
umarmen und lieben
essie

no 325 birthday wishes

2010-06-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

wake up
it's the last day of school
your 14th birthday...
all at once
in the minute that she took
to make a birthday wish
while we sang
our daughter turned a page in the book of
her
life...

the funny thing about her birthday as i go back in time-
every year it has rained...without fail, every year
rain.
we brought her home in the midst of an indian summer-
somewhere past 107 degrees on the 17th of june
she made her place in
our
book of life...
it
has
been
a
blink~

too soon
too fast
today.

umarmen und lieben mein schazi
momma

8th grade formaland some more formal

no 324 the birthday trifecta

2010-06-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

tuesday goes to dunc
(happy birthday little brother!)
wednesday goes to oma chris
(happy birthday oma!!)
and
thursday...
thursday is all about the girlie as she turns
fourteen.

*sigh*
too fast
too soon
tomorrow

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 323 baby olive juice 2

2010-06-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

seriously, i knew you were born on the 8th
my computer is in another time zone...
trust me
and in a pinch,
your aunti*e* will vouch!

most importantly...
you
are finally here!

umarmen und lieben schazi!
the other e

no. 322 baby olive juice

2010-06-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

dear baby zeus,
today is your day-
you will be welcomed into our world
with love
and tears of joy
relief and
satisfaction
thoughtful knowing...
we've been waiting for you
after today
you
will be here!

i hope to meet you sometime soon-it's been toooooo many sleeps since i saw your momma and auntie, so this love note on your birthday is my attempt at the cuddle in the hospital you would have gotten from me, today.

i begin here:
there isn't enough i can say about the women in your family...
i love them all

they are strong
they are sensible...most of the time
they are silly...lots of the time
they are creative
they are kind
in the face of upheaval they focus and do
they love deeply
and in return they are deeply loved
you are one of them-
simply the luckiest baby girl ever!

your momma is a sweet soul-with a heart of gold
remember that when she comes atcha with a medusa head
she will in about 13 years,
because that's what good mommas do
raising kiddos isn't easy, lovebug
but your momma
she will do it with the
grace and ease that she has put into raising your wonderful big brother
she has a heart that beats to the sound of yours
nothing means more to her than you and your family...

your auntie is wise, thoughtful, funny-oooo so funny and will spoil you rotten!
your auntie is one of the most important people in my world-
she will be that to you too...i already know it.
her laugh is hearty and rich
it fills a room
just like the big boys who fill her house!

the treehouse with uncle col and the littles...
it is a magical place
where you wil become the pretty princess ruling over everyone in your kingdom
or
the warrior princess who loves to ride motorcycles
either way
the treehouse will be your safe place filled with all the folks a girl could ever want-ready to save the day or spice it up!

your aunt alex was a force of nature.
i think of her everyday-
you will
see her in rainbows,
feel her in the heat of a sunny day
hear her when thunder cracks and snow crunches under your feet.
she is part of you, and you, part of her...

your grammie in Wisconsin...she is just plain cool!
mr. tony and i LOVE lana.
i predict, that you might be a teeny tiny bit like her...
we shall see.

today sweet little one, rest in the arms of the family who has truly waited a lifetime for you,
a journey such as this needs to be celebrated in every way
but
also in the most important way...
with the love and wonder of your big brother, daddy, and momma rocking you to sleep
counting fingers and toes
cooing into your ears
kissing the top of your head
tickling your feet
welcoming you home to them.

happy birthday baby girl!!

loving you already, forever and always!!
your other e

no 321 thanks be

2010-05-31T01:04:00.000-07:00

taking this from my friend laura, who, said it better than anyone could:

Thanksgiving is the day we give thanks for what we have...
Memorial Day is the day we give thanks for what we take for granted.

thanks be to G-d for the dedication, service, and sacrifice of our Armed Forces
never forget that they give, selflessly, so others do not have to...

AJH: i love you more than words can say.
Grandpas: we miss you every day, and your strength lives on in our children.

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 320 birthday love

2010-05-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

today is my honey bear's birthday!

i will never forget his daddy's voice when he called to share the news-
your mommy was resting
and they had been watching a movie that had an angel theme to it...a spy movie, but still
angels.

we sent your dad a mirror
to practice his best
daddy
faces
as they waited for you to be born.

i remember wrapping the gifts i sent to your mommy for her shower
and thinking as i did it
"soon, someone who i will love for the rest of my life, someone will be wearing this..."
and then you came-

beautiful, sweet, tiny...
you
and your uncle tony and i were amazed by the sight of you!
Pres thought you HAD to be brothers, because you shared a name
Doll thought you were here own personal doll

you made the world a better place on the day that you were born
you made our family a better family on the day that you were born

though were waaay too far apart on every one of your birthdays
our love for you builds and crosses the bridge.

have a wonderful day, watch the mail, and carry in your heart all the happy birthday wishes it can hold until we get to see you and hug you for ourselves!!
we LOVE you Jacob!!!

aunt essie, uncle tony, pres, dollie, and ben

no 318 ex-pat help!

2010-05-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

alrighty my fellow ex-pats:

i have a family who is getting ready to possibly make the move from the states to Switzerland, making my momma pal a bit of a whirling dirvish, which is sometimes not such a good thing...

we've all been here,
stuck in the moment
between
"really?!! this is going to happen?!!" and
"HOLY HOT MESS!!"
which is why i am calling on you.

"momma duck" has many questions that (thanks to the military) i don't have the answers to...things like housing on the economy, international schools, compensation packages, etc. and
i would
LOVE
more than anything to be able to give her the answers so she can catch her breath.

any suggestions, guys?
what types of questions should she and "poppa duck" be asking the bosses?
umarmen und lieben
e

no 317 auto tech

2010-04-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

two years ago
i picked myself up and posted about my boy choosing his 9th grade courses for high school.
i was a wreck
missing the little boy
loving the young man
wishing that the sands of time would
slow
a little
maybe
to
a dull roar...
but they didn't
they kept on falling.
ready or
not.

tonight, with my mom (thankfully) at my side
i walked her in
we listened
we read
and
she made her course selection for her
freshman
year.

high school

my baby girl in high school.

it's not possible that two of my littles are so close to being
big.

it makes mr. ben seem even smaller somehow
which is hard to explain

but her
my girl
the doodle bug

there she was
looking down hallways
and quietly asking where one classroom was in comparison to another...

upstairs
downstairs
out the door

i don't know if i can say i'm ready for this transition.
it's arrived sooner than i anticipated
i swear i thought we had more time...
when she gets there,
it means he's gone past
halfway

upstairs
downstairs
out another door

"it's pretty big"
"can we have chinese?"
"i'm so tired mom"

it is a fairly big high school
she will have the benefit of her big brother's watchful eye

we ordered waaaay too much chinese
which brought smiles over smiles over smiles to her beautiful face
she's getting ready for bed
exhausted by jet lag
and somehow i know when i look into her room tomorrow morning i'll see
this face

and the weight in my heart right now will be replaced with all the love found in the moments that got her to
today

i know it will...
my beautiful baby girl
on her way now
opening a door

umarmen und lieben, meine schatz-
umarmen und lieben
momma

(ps...how cool is she...Honors English, Honors History, Algebra I, Biology,
German II, PE, and for electives
Ceramics,
Computer Music,
Painting and
AUTO TECH my daughter is awesome!!)

no. 316 jules, this is for you!

2010-04-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

i know how hectic your life is, and sometimes the last thing anyone wants to do is pry open a cookbook to figure out what to do for a family meal-
really
i know!

but
these are all ADA approved cookbooks available on their site that look good to me,
some of the cookbooks that i actually have you can find
here
(i have livin' low carb and LOVE it, but am now super excited about some of these other titles, and as we have established my serious cookbook related issue, i think i've found some "must buys" here!)

and another good choice for crock-pot workout
i have 3 books in the "fix it" series because i am a busy momma and some days the crock-pot is my very best friend in the world!
i know the woman who assisted in putting this book together from the ADA side...her daughter is one of my good good friends and she is serious about healthy choices for feeding your family.

don't give up
keep counting carbs
and breathe
life will sort itself out!
love you and miss you s-i-l!!!
xoxoxoxooox
e

no 315. volcano volcano VOLCANO!

2010-04-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

oh my stars
what a crazy few days we've had over here in europe!!!
teachers are stranded all over the world-
i'm back in kindergarten (having the TIME OF MY LIFE)
until the teacher who belongs to these kiddos makes it back from Spain...
she's driving right now, bless her heart!

doodle bug and gaia are eating "wait and see pudding"
(as gaia used to say back in the day)
their flight is meant to leave late tonight and arrive tomorrow.
my take on this:
she is safe and this was a true act of G-d, we wait and hope that she gets home to us sooner rather than later.

team leader is going nuts-
apparently, you can
protect the world from devestation
sneak in and out of nameless places
be "mr. covert" on a daily basis
BUT
you cannot wait for a volcano to chill out.

this is why i work with little kids...
for the patience to live happily ever after with Maxwell Smart!
*sigh*

umarmen und lieben
essie

ps-DoodleBug: we love you and miss you and can't wait to have you back!
safe travels my sweet girl!!

no 314 lame duck spring break

2010-04-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

there is only so much cleaning, sitting around, cleaning, laundry, sitting around, dishes, fb-ing, cleaning, sitting around
a girl can do.
talk about a lame duck...
spring break, i hardly knew ya.

umarmen und lieben
essie

no.313 oh my

2010-04-13T23:17:00.000-07:00

it's the middle of spring break week...
my allergies started kicking my beheiney last wednesday
by friday night (the best night of springbreak as it was the FIRST night for this break)i wasn't thinking about the possibilities for the week
i was praying for a good night of sleep
and a morning where i didn't croak "hello"

so far

it's been a half week of a whole lotta nothin'

the projects i need to finish
still undone...
the ideas i had for the week
still on paper...
my attempt at pizza crust
didn't even rise..

oh well.
i've still got half a week
and i'm sure the projects will eventually get done
the ideas will come to fruition
and i'll get my crust to rise

eventually!
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 312 heather might kill me, but, it's worth it

2010-04-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

and now-
the first family photo
(minus the harrison half of the family)

Paul, Heather,
MAZEL TOV on the birth of your daughter

Gianna,
the world is a better place because you are here
we cannot wait to see you and hold you in our arms!!!
All our love
Uncle Tony (who promises to teach you all about rainbows)
Tante (who promises to teach you all about savings...and spending those savings on fantastic stuff like pottery, but mostly promises to love you always)
Preston (who promises to teach you all about Europe, soccer, and the big boys to avoid b/c if not he and Ben will be obligated to beat them up)
Dollie (who promises to keep all your secrets and teach you how to find out everything about everyone: "nosy rosy...take 2")
and Ben (who promises to teach you how to ride a bike-seriously-he does!)

WE LOVE YOU BABY GIRL!!!!

no. 311 what it means to feel your cup runneth over

2010-04-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

when you are 6000 miles away from the place you call home-
in a new place where you must live your life the best way you know how-
not always perfect
but definitely sincere
to send your child back home
alone...
(even for a short visit)
takes a lot out of a momma.

but, back she went-our girl
back to the place
in her heart
where
the warm, strong, beating heart of her dog
cuddling up next to her
in her bed
in her room
could be enough for now-

until

the loving, strong bonds of friendship
lifelong friendship
filled this momma right back up to brimming full
with blessings!
overflowing
jubilant
adoring
blessings!

celebrating our daughters, our friendship, our love for our families
on my birthday
you took my breath away when mom told me you came and got her
i cannot wait to hear all about it when she calls!

i love you more than words can say-
thank you for the best birthday gift,
with all my love and hugs
essie

(ps-the bonfire birthday has been pretty terrific, i must say that team leader did things right this year, and the boylies have done a fantastic job being "girly festive" for their momma!
life IS good!
umarmen und lieben
essie)

no. 310 big enough but not quite

2010-04-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

for me.

doodle bug flies to the states for 2 weeks of Gaia and Grandpadad love today.
according to the airline, she's old enough to fly as an adult
but according to her momma and daddy

she gets the little red riding hood treatment,
with airline support that keeps the wolves away,
until her grandma can take her home...

heart of mine-
how i will miss you.
you haven't even left yet

i love you
momma

no.309 savga

2010-03-27T06:30:00.000-07:00

a boy and a girl
met
and married
and started a life
together

it has been a roller coaster romance
that i wouldn't trade for anything.
anything.

from day one: in my mother's wedding gown
to
today
day six thousand, two hundred and five: t shirt, jeans, and boots

i love you tony...
happy anniversary

umarmen und lieben
bbkf
(ps, the photo is 6205 days old old old, and the actual album...back in va with gaia and grandpadad...kind of a family tradition)

no 308 what you can do

2010-03-21T00:43:00.000-07:00

here

here you can help.
my thoughts keep going back to
Mrs. P.
and how her week is going to begin...
in a million years i could
never-
never imagine
living a day without
team leader.
never.

my heart aches for her
and my wish for the hardest day is
a moment
a moment when the love, support, guidance, and peace of her life keeps the reality of her life
away...she isn't only a marine wife
she's a military wife
we won't let her down.

my mind wanders to the soldiers-

the ones who go to war strong...
strong and
supported
strong and
alone

i think about the men and women i know who are downrange
fighting
i think about them and pray for their safe return
more important to me than anything else
a safe return-
home.

we are a nation at war

life happens
and sometimes that
safe return is more frantic than most
frantic because every fighting moment
is the difference...
when they are med-vac'ed back to germany

no one should ever be alone.
how we fight
who we fight for
what we fight
when we fight
where we fight
WHY we fight-
no one should ever be alone.

i know how we can help
do you?

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 307 real

2010-03-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

this is real.

i wonder if people who get to live on the outside
and rarely
LOOK IN
understand that real people are really dying
and hearts are really breaking...
my prayers and love go out to Mrs. P, who will always be
a marine wife.

umarmen und lieben
essie, an army wife

no.306 blip on the radar

2010-03-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

my blip
new job = amazing!
i'm loving loving LOVING it
and finding myself
whoa
stinking busy in a way i didn't know i could be...

team leader is tdy
again

the kinder of casa h have me running all over this base
pres-soccer
doodlebug-softball AND volleyball
mr. ben-soccer
oreo-desperately needing a trip to the groomer...30 minutes away
(and that's 30 autobahn minutes)

christmas card-valentines that FINALLY got here-
in time for me to send them out by easter...nice.
needing to call arkansas and not finding a phone number
ergh!

things climbing up the wall that need to go to the thrift
new dishes that take 8 weeks to arrive
old dishes that need to be packed up for next winter
motorcycle here in may
taxes done (thank heavens)
needing to move more "essie-life" into my office and knowing how much i despise the scary basement, totally aware that it might never happen.

stuttgart bazaar next weekend...do we really want $130 of dutch cheese?!
i know we can always use polish pottery (maybe 120 wine corkers)
and some other fabbo things
but the cheese
i kind of need a break...i think.

heart
heart
LOVE the pashminas that queen d brought back from turkey for me and the ladies of my family...we are going to be one smokin' hot group at this wedding!

did i mention that our christmas lights are still up?
i decided we're keeping them up until john gets back from afghanistan
that's me and
my plan
or blip
as it may be.

found: 3 letters to avery and crew, 3 letters to the house of bullotta, all dated in the year 2009...apparently we were loving you, thanking you, and sending you valentines.
hmmm
lost: my mind! sorry guys!!!

seriously busy...
blippen busy!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no 305 a hat full of stars

2010-03-04T08:38:00.000-08:00

I was folding up your letters
Unpacking winter clothes
Searching for my hat
I thought I left it by the door
So I tore around the room
Like a bird without a head
I saw your picture waving back at me
From underneath the bed
From a long, long time ago

When all I had
Was a hat full of stars
The one I'll always treasure
The one that you wore
You loved the look
But you never looked inside
You would have seen us there
You could've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars

I'm trying to live in the present
But I keep tripping on the past
Finding out reality, well clarity
Comes in dribs and drabs
No we never had the time
For everything we had
So it felt like we had nothing
That's what makes this hat so sad
It was a long, long time ago

When all we had
Was a hat full of stars...
...You would have seen us there
You could've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars

Now whenever I'm alone
And I think I might forget
I wear my lucky hat
Just like a crown up on my head -
'Cause all I have
Is a hat full of stars...
If you could see me now
You would've seen far
You should've seen the magic
In my hat full of stars...
~Cyndi Lauper~

love to you, we remember today, and have cheesecake tonight.
essie

no 304 again with the pity party to poland

2010-03-01T09:27:00.000-08:00

so this week past us now (thank the heavens!!)
was
a serious doozey.
it was beyond hard giving the reigns to my new me
while i encouraged her not to
BE
me
but rather
be herself
a loving teacher person who i know was the perfect choice for my smarties.

cutting the cord was really tough
tough like
cutting pounds of onions crying
the type that stings your eyes but makes you keep going
until
you are unable to do any more-
just done.

on top of that was unsettling news about one of my smarties
and that
is all i'll say.

with dentist appointment after dentist appointment
i was a full on hot mess by friday afternoon.
m.e.s.s.
and not at all in a cute way.

thank heaven for the friends who
will drive you 6 hours no matter how you look or smell-
will drive you 6 hours into another country
without
THEIR passports or international drivers licenses
(i did have mine-apparently just in case!!)
will drive you 6 hours into a magical
(and somehow frozen in another time)
land of pottery
and
after 2 days of
"pick me up and dust me off" spending
will drive me 6 hours home again...in hurricane gale winds.

still a hot mess,
but,
a hot mess with some kick a** polish pottery!!

umarmen und lieben
essie

ps hot mess love goes to the hubby who managed casa h in my absence, and let me run away from my hot mess life...i love you!

no.303 moving smarts

2010-02-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

my overhire was approved yesterday and today she came in to start shadowing me until some time next week
when
my smarties become her smarties...

hitting me like a ton of bricks first thing this morning
quiet little tears surprising my teacher buddy, who hugged me and told me i was doing the right thing for
me,
my family, and
my super smarties.

she's great, the new me, and i really like the her i've known for a day-
i am sure that this is going to be a good transition for my littles,
i am sure this is going to be a good transition for me
i just wish my heart and my head would catch up to each other.
that
would be helpful

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 302

2010-02-20T01:53:00.000-08:00

read cleaving

i have to say, i agree with this review.
team leader had said from the get go that he thought the julie in the movie was kookoo for cocoa puffs,
i just thought i didn't like amy adams in the role...
after reading this book, i get what it was that i didn't like.
i can't really explain it, but i get it now, and
(while admittedly i don't listen to him that often...)
team leader was right.

kookoo for cocoa puffs.
umarmen und lieben
essie
(ps, still love cooking, no worries there!)

no. 301 peace

2010-02-15T00:42:00.000-08:00

is sometimes really hard to come by...
it's been a crazy couple of weeks here at casa h
straddling 2 jobs
husband traveling, traveling, traveling
teacher conferences
end of quarter grading
report cards
indoor recess...day after day
straddling 2 jobs
busy.

and when you're like me...
(christmas tree is still up in february)
(christmas stockings still to finish on your reading chair)
(laundry is crawling up a wall)
(camera is out of juice b/c you lost the usb cord to charge it and won't find it until you take your tree down)
you disappear into the stack of books you greedily checked out
i can't reccommend mackenzie phillips book...it is dark, twisty, not well written. i felt sorry for her-sorry and sad. what a mess.
farrah's story was another sad book, but sad for such a different reason-and alana stewart is a fairly good writer-surprisingly.
provenance was excellent! all about art forgery
still working on neverland and the dark side of JM Barrie (author of Peter Pan)

segwaying into: really needing this long weekend.
really!

team leader and i went off on saturday to france
soufflenheim, france
for a runaway lunch
and a gift recon mission in celebration of gaia and grandpadad's 44th anniversary!

FOURTY-FOUR years

we needed to find something really super-
crossing the border into france
ready to shop
where we found the gift
the front shop window
where team leader found the perfect steak
sideways, i'm sorry, but the ceiling and walls were CARVED...so so beautiful!
valentines
and finally some goodies that team leader bought for me

you didn't think i'd show you YOUR gifts
g and g
nooo, you will have to wait for the mail
with all our love!
umarmen und lieben
essie

the 300

2010-02-08T21:09:00.000-08:00

is a two fold post only for the good of my heart and begins

with birthday hugs and love floating up to the cloud where i know you are
watching over me
watching over rahn
protecting us
protecting our families and loved ones
every day

in the same way
we protect who you were
in our heads
in our hearts
in our stories
of the student who became family
of the family who let us become family

in my life you are
with me every day.

happy birthday my sweet silly funny naughty absolutely fantastic little dulce
happy birthday love floating up to you with extra frosting, extra dip, extra love on top!

and to my best dear darling friend
phone calls on sunday are meant to be only for good news...in the other side of my heart, i believe that whatever is going on will be resolved.
you will be restored
all will be well.
i believe
i believe
i believe
and love you.
lots.

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 299 this post

2010-02-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

spoke to my heart almost 2 years ago
and still speaks to me today...

had
to
share.
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 298 yes indeed

2010-02-07T00:54:00.000-08:00

not complaining, just full...

my week was nuts last week.
with sick kinder, a traveling hubby, and a broken tooth
i was
ready for the weekend
in the largest of ways come friday night.
wow
was i ready.

friday was conference day, and after 8 conferences in a row, i sat down to eat my homemade tuscan bean soup
(emphasis on the BEAN)
first slurp in and
"whaaat was THAT?!!"
i raced into the bathroom to see my frankenstein tooth
(circa 1992-whole 'nuther post)
trying it's hardest to pop out of my mouth.

holy hot mess
and suddenly i'm in tears thinking about having to go to the dentist
b/c i have a totally irrational fear of the dentist
totally
i can own up to that
the drill makes me go into shock at the sound
whirrrrrrrrrr
and i'm done.

i called my boss (still in tears) who gave me her dentist and said
"get going!! it's friday!!"
i left and came back to our clininc on post
the same clinic where i have YET to be seen after 2 years b/c i'm not active duty deployable ( a whole 'nuther post)
where still in tears i set about to get in on an emergency basis.
THANKFULLY there weren't any natural or unnatural disasters looming and the nice appointment man told me to breathe and fill out the pre-exam paperwork.
which i did.
mentioning said frankenstein tooth in the process...literally.

b/c apparently i am not a horrible person and G-d does want me not to be a basket case 5 percent of the time I was sent back to see Dr. Dentist who started our exam with
"Seriously, i HAVE to see this frankenstein tooh...OPEN UP!"
and made getting a temporary filling
NOT
the end of my life (even though i think i promised him banana pound cake in return for my safety...not too sure)

back peddaling a tad...
i had hung up on team leader twice during my ride to the clinic and sensing my irrational stresslevel at it's max he arrived just as i was coming out for xrays with my early valentine:

ya know the tiffany keys...well...lets just say he went above and beyond!

i'm 100 percent sure my two heart mugs from my polish potter Andy took my gift to him down a notch
but
what the hay it was a gift from the heart, right?!
anyhoo...long story short, i have to go back for an oral surgery evaluation next week and am terrified to eat on one side of my mouth!
BLEECH
maybe now i'll lose a few pounds from the holidays
(taking the lemonade from lemons route here)

friday night was "flea market finds" where i had a riotous time with bb and others
and won a set of soufflenheim pottery (bundt pans)
yay
yay
yay!

it was late late late when i got home
which made waking up at the butt crack of dawn to go antiquing
h.a.r.s.h.
but
wake up i did
and 9 hours later came home with sugar mold candles and holder, and a wash board.
and stories
heavens the stories
SO not g-rated, sorry folks, but funny as the day is long.
my shopping pal-ies
HOW much i love you, i cannot describe, and queen d when you mooooove to savga
bb and i will miiiisssss you
lots.

taking us all the way around to today
we're off to find a new sofa...
hard to do on a sunday in germany b/c every german store is closed.
we'll be looking on base
not a super selection but it's only
looooooooking
not buying-
yet.

and the final BIG piece
the introduction of "bon appetit"
my foodie blog with boylie mr ben!!!
he LOVES the julie/julia movie (i know!!!) and wants to be momma's souschef so we've picked a few recipes from mastering the art...
(including Beouf B!! aunt dot get ready to cook)
and ina
and rachel
and a few other favs
for us to try...together
wish us luck!

umarmen und lieben
essie

ps
*e* i found my usb cord when i took down the tree...pictures are coming!!!
loves you!!!

no.297 what about yours?

2010-02-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

two days of phone calls to the school attendance office.
two days of "i'm calling to report my son's absence due to illness..."
two days where i've struck up conversations with said attendance officer b/c i have the phone voice of a teenager
AND
i'm convinced they think i'm NOT someone's momma when i make the call.

i do

if you think i'm kidding,
think back to messages i've left on your cell or home phone.
i have
the
worst
message
voice
on the planet.
seriously-it stinks!
explaining why i could never be a voice over actor
or
really really good at making voices when i read stories aloud.

my brother D. now HE has a voice that leaves a message
D. can concoct a character faster than you can snap your fingers
mr. ben inheirited that trait from his uncle D.
pres and doodle, they are clearly their mothers children
and team leader...forget it.
he has two voices
ranger and rangerous
(heh...that cracks me up...rangerous)

so today i've made batch of calls part II and am at home with the boylies
with fingers crossed
that we are cruising into the path of wellness
rather than crashing on the street of sick.

umarmen und lieben
essie
(ps, just in case you wondered, not paranoid, just recalling the days of past when a certain ms. kadow would call in MY own absences.
until...
someone in the office realized that the caller did NOT have my mother's scottish accent and clearly could not be her on the line.
um yeah, kind of forgot about that detail...)

no. 296 things you didn't know

2010-01-31T05:48:00.000-08:00

1. my christmas tree is still up...
i simply loathe taking it down
it makes me sad
it makes me wistfull
it makes me think about everything i want and need to do with a fresh new year
that is already
slipping through my fingertips.

2. after 2 and a half years i still can't believe i live in germany...
i walk down the street every morning with oreo
thinking how amazing it is that
we live here
thinking how strange it is that
we live on a military base
thinking how conflicting it is that
i am happy but i am sad
because we are so far away...living here in germany.

3. i'm not an "animal planet" kind of mom...
cats, dogs, fish.
that's about it for me
and
i really think i like fish best
because fish can't bark at you at 5am to go out for a morning
walk.
yes fish are, currently, holding down the fort at #1.

4. i hate doing homework as much as i hate making up homework assignments...
who in their right mind likes policing their kids after a long enough day at work?
not
me.

5. i'm not 100% sure how we are going to pull off all the expected traveling we've committed ourselves to this summer...
but, like most things we do, it will happen
though i'm pretty certain that a
really large RV
might be in the works
and casa h will become casa griswald.
um yeah
pretty certain.

6. i worry about my family constantly...
(well, some of you loyal readers, some of you already knew that but i felt compelled to throw that in)
i'm not glass half empty
i'm just concerned about what i'm leaving my children-
those insane life lessons that we all survived
at the time
but feel like they will KILL ME
now that the shoe is on the other foot.
*sigh*

7. my recent passport picture was a euro biometric photo = no smile...
it's not flattering
i didn't know that my mouth points down (suggesting, according to the internet, that i am either depressed or miserable or both)
i didn't know that i cared
i guess i'm a little vain in my middle years.
hmm

8. our dog loves clothes...
LOVES them
and
even though team leader and bird are in cohoots against it
i AM buying him
leiderhosen!
yes, i am.

9. even though i can be a mom-ster at home...
i really am a happy person

10. i have three plans for us, in pen, on my essie agenda this year...
a long weekend in paris for spring break
ahhhh
paris in april
a regular weekend at the cordon bleu in november for this foodie momma
yum
cordon bleu, markets, did i mention cordon bleu
and
hogmanay in scotland.
flippen hogmanay-EXCELLENT!!!
those things WILL happen

taking me right back to number 6
living a good life is one of those lessons, right?
we're giving our littles that much, so, maybe i should ease up on that one...

(hugs to jay for the delish lunch to celebrate the new job which still hasn't officially begun...we need a list to hire a new teacher...fingers crossed that happens soon.)

umarmen und lieben
essie

no.295 birthday birthday birthday

2010-01-23T23:30:00.001-08:00

hugs and love for my daddy!!!

who has made it to there and back
and is celebrating
the 27th anniversary
of 42!

a girl couldn't ask for a better poppa than the one i have-
he's been a quiet driving force behind the hurricane gales of my life
and when rain came pouring down in his
i did everything i could to be constant ray of supportive light for him

my birthday wish for my daddy this year
to continue to be a daughter worthy of his love
and to make any rain this year
turn into rainbows

i love you poppa nagise!!!
happy happy birthday!!!
nonnie

no.293 skiing weekend

2010-01-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

begins NOW!!!

back with photos for this blog
and
e2e

on monday!
umarmen und lieben
essie

no.292 breathing

2010-01-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

or at least trying to!

so the cat is out of the bag now-
staff at school was told on tuesday
letters went home to my parents yesterday
bag is wide open
and
empty-wait
full-

i got an amazing opportunity
to work as the primary literacy coach (preK-2)
at my school
and
i took it.

loving my little Smarties like i do
made this one of the hardest decisions i think i've made in forever and 1000 years.
but i did
i decided
and telling my sweeties was hard for me.
fortunately they made it better by being their shiny happy Smartie selves
walking out the door to home with big smiles and hugs
(a very nice way to end that part of my day, as the momma/wife-ness at casa h became full on monster-ness later in the afternoon *sigh* )

and so that's it
my kids know that in a few weeks there will be a new teacher
my family knows i'm having teeny tiny heart attacks
excited
scared
happy
sad
thankful
and trying to remember to breathe breathe breathe
which shouldd be the natural part of all this, right?

breathe in
breathe out
umarmen und lieben
essie

ps any happy parenting style thoughts would be appreciated by pres and team leader
they are both slightly over mine and me...slightly over theirs!

no.291 it's here!

2010-01-11T21:02:00.000-08:00

on the same day, the launching of my heart
and
the arrival of my own copies of Mastering the Art of French Cooking!

e2e
the story of two crazy loving friends who have
lived,
loved,
endured,
and come back to do it all over again
worldwide
jumping headfirst into good coffee poured over
the
most wonderfully delicious friendship
as we share the mornings of our lives
one in arkansas
one in germany
2 in spirit.

i love you bunches and bunches e
i love us
i love this!
umarmen und lieben
essie

btw, no need to feel left out Julia, i love you too!

no. 290 SNOOOOOOOOOOOW DAY

2010-01-09T00:53:00.001-08:00

mr ben: why do we NEVER get snow days during SCHOOL DAYS?!!
momma: oooo my little man...so seriously feeling your pain :)

it's funny how the kinder seem to think that the biggers don't relish the thought of a perfectly snowy world once in a while.
(newsflash...WE DO!)

insteading of heading out with my partners in pottery
(which is probably a good thing with respect to my ever challenged bank account)
for a morning of kitchen shop-tastic in Frankfurt
i woke up to
snow.
sweet like sugar
but lots and lots colder
snow.

4 hours of internet trolling later (as i woke up with a start at the asshat of dawn)
i re-found these babies
calling me from the computer
begging me to give them a home

i think it's a no brainer.
not a snow day find on a school day, but good enough.

off to wake teens, and hubby, and dog.
umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 289 gaia

2010-01-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

with love comes responsibility.
often, all the managing of the hearts becomes quite tiring, even when done in
love.

the responsibility of love,
you've adjusted
you've managed
you've survived
all in the name-

the responsibility of love
given in return
fell onto
us
sometimes we did it brilliantly
other times
not so much
regardless, you were always there, like a bright shining star
a beacon in our family sky-

the responsibilty of love
given, recieved, shared, passed on
in a handwritten letter
hanging from wired ribbon on our christmas tree
standing in Denny's in pajamas at 3am
keeping 4 very naughty kittens
learning how to use a cell phone
taking a plane across an ocean
all
by
yourself

the responsibility of love
you accepted head on.
when you did,
you made each of us
better
and the world
a teeny bit happier
(you are scottish after all and we can't make everything shiny and happy now can we!)

all rolled up into the best gift any family could ever want on
the 12th day of christmas...
i love you mommy, happy birthday wishes and kisses, from your girl

ps-i'm fairly sure you'll question THIS photo,
but,
i picked it because it was of you-still
enjoying the moment of your life in mr. ben's "flower heaven"

no.288 no way

2010-01-04T21:31:00.000-08:00

no how
no words.

e, um...helllooo?!!!
my diabolically creative hack-tastic teen
making the momma a wittle bittle cwazy.

gab, that precious babe of yours-
no
he will
never
do something like this to his momma!

heavens.
essie

no. 287 take this mom

2010-01-04T14:21:00.000-08:00

Well mom , I told you I was gonna surprise you...
with something big,
and using my brilliance I found myself on your blog...
I wonder what happens next?

To all of you, my mom's friends,
my mom witnessed something essential to
being a mother a few days ago in our car.
Brother to brother wrestling.
Except heres where hacking your blog becomes so fun.

Today I, Preston, will walk you through one of the most common
moves me and my brother employ on each other, as well as brothers worldwide, one that may seem socially unacceptable. Sorry mom. Derived from every videogame
where you can crouch, the term for this lethal wrestling move
is called the tea bag, or the act of humping someone's face.
I won't go into anymore intense detail,
the pictures say enough, but tea bagging in videogames
(example: Halo) is where you go over someones dead digital body,
and crouch up and down on them, resulting in your groin area
going in and out of their head. This move is easily do-able in real
life, and every mother out here should be ready for it at all times.
What you don't see here is that Ben violently got me with it before,
which is why I am using him as an example.
He was happy to be part of such a devious plot as this.

Here are said pictures;
Don't sip the haterade mom, Kevin was in on this too.(also dollie)
This will most likely give all your friends the laugh of their lives,
and if you delete this, it will sever the bond between mother and son,

so don't do it mom! This is funny! Don't ground me either.

umarmen und lieben mooooooom, aaaaaahahahahahahahaha

The example:

The sneak:

The execution:

The aftermath:

Preston wins again!!!!!

no.286 e2e

2010-01-04T10:52:00.000-08:00

the e's are hatching a wonderful-lovely plot, and,
i
cannot
w.a.i.t.
to get it started.

can't wait!
love my e.

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 285 hmmm

2010-01-03T11:23:00.000-08:00

is it work avoidance
or
the "sign" of a veteran teacher
to not be working on my lesson plans
and opt instead to be blog cruising on the last night of winter break...

umarmen und lieben
essie

no. 284 two days in

2010-01-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

yesterday i made it to the gym
today i walked with my family
tomorrow i;ll get back to the gym and monday
monday will bring the return of the marathon
first grade...version 2010

*sigh*

resolutions.
so much pressure
when instead we should be embracing the fresh face of a new year-
12 pages of empty squares
perfectly symmetrical
waiting to be filled
one color for every member of casa h
helping us navigate through work, sports, appointments, travel
life.

resolutions.
should be happy colored pen filled squares of FUN
not
pressure

so here it is
my resolution for 2010:
happy colored pen filled squares of moments in a lifetime
of a wifey, momma, friend, sister, daughter, auntie, cousin, in-law
to make the moments of my lifetime
this year
moments for us all to share.

umarmen und lieben
essie

no.283 i thought

2010-01-02T13:58:00.001-08:00

i was an xBox owner too...
i was wrong-
but thank you honey for sharing with me.
i would share with you too,
if,
i were an owner that is!

umarmen und lieben
essie

no.282 carrying on

2010-01-01T15:44:00.001-08:00

july
took us to the true beginning of our summer and a MUCH needed holiday week in Ireland- we had a week of family, on a family farm, and ended our first trip to the emerald isle with the concert of a lifetime in dublin... U2 in dublin

august
lazy days of summer, a pity party pottery-polooza to poland, trips to the airport that shattered hearts, more pottery in france, and finally, preparing for a new school year...like it or not, we learn that life goes on.

september
first day of school, my camera breaks...seriously.
flat ansley arrived, we had football, fourth grade and volunteer hours to complete.
a palidrome birthday and more more pottery!!

october
the next milestone birthday made us the parents of a sixteen year old-16!!!

honestly, i still can't believe he is 16, and that all this time has been a blink...

november
we were squirrely for a vacation, and my lifetime list of places to take our little fam had us 5 hours in the air to an island off the cost of africa-
the thanksgiving of canary will go down in family folklore...

and then, as if no time had passed at all, it was december
we had our third hannukah in germany, the third milestone birthday, the third christmas, the third new years eve...we've always said that 3 was our lucky number: p,d,b, we love you so so much!

and then there was the end of the year YAHOO visit from the gilbs...perfect!

new years eve will be posted later, blogger is t.i.r.e.d. and won't let me post videos-all in good time.

umarmen und lieben
essie