Sunday, June 30, 2013

my owl babies...

How did you feel the moment you became a parent?

Biggers...your birth was life changing for me...literally life changing.
when you were placed in my arms, you opened your eyes and that was it
the look on your face told the story of our future
and you yawned a big "hi momma" as if you had greeted me that way
always

Wee...my daughter.
there can be only one
and you are it.
your birth brought my past loves
alongside my present loves
to meet my future love
you.

Cherry on Top
nothing can express the day of your birth
nothing.
welcomed by the members of your entire family
on both sides
you completed the journey that daddy and i began
when we welcomed your brother and sister into our
family

each of you has brought something
meaningful
frustrating
amazing
loving
infuriating
and quentisentially
YOU
to the mixture of our family
you are precious
you are unlike any other
you
are
harrisons
and you made me
a mommy

i love you!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

what daddy loves most...

What do you think your spouse loves most about you

i think daddy loves most is my commitment to our family...
it really isn't an easy decision to become a parent
and toboot...a
WORKING parent 
married to a soldier who comes and goes 
like the weekend to the week

thank goodness i had the right partner 

when you commit to loving someone 
so much
that you go into unchartered territory the same way
you leap into your very first 
cannonball
then 
you are fierce
and 
you are fearless

(actually you are probably young, crazy in love, and feeling like you OWN the world) 

it's worth it to commit and stay committed
hard work
but totally worth it

love love love,
momma

Friday, June 28, 2013

and after the craziest week at work, I'm back!

What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

balance.
i wish i was great at finding balance
turns out...i'm not so great 

if i were
i could maintain:

meal planning
and work emails
getting my nails done
with going to the gym
walking the dogs
followed by meeting deadlines
getting the oil changed in my car
on the same day as a unscheduled fire drill

balance kids...it's a hard act!
be yourselves
be honest
be real
and balance will find YOU

loving you always,
Momma



Sunday, June 23, 2013

5

what are your five greatest accomplishments?

1. I played the piano for far too long and participated in HUGE recitals up until I was 14 years old. I HATED the recitals...they scared the holy living daylights out of me and as soon as I could, I gave up playing the piano and didn't look back. That part...not so proud of, but getting up and playing pieces was a tremendous accomplishment

2. At 14 I was selected to join the Washington Ballet in Washington DC. Accepting the offer would have meant leaving Alaska and my family, friends, my whole life to commit to dance...I wasn't ready and I've often wondered what might have happened...if

3. I graduated from high school, undergraduate school, and graduate school! SERIOUS hard work, in each situation, but I did it!

4. I have made a fairly successful career for myself as an educator-find something that you love and do it-you will never feel like you are "working" now...that said...i think i could have a heck of a run as a baby quilt designer...i love fabric

5. I had each of you, three marvelous, diabolically creative creatures...that is, without question, my greatest accomplishment!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

a double whammy because yesterday was a double whammy

so.
life has been uncharacteristically hectic for about 6 weeks and yesterday was no exception
but
i did get to close out my week celebrating a friend and her upcoming nuptials
which was nice, and fun, and needed.

bringing me to the double postage of today-for the kinder of casa h and the ridiculously small number of peeps who read this old blog omine ( i think there are 3 of you...seriously)
here we go!

Describe 5 weaknesses and strengths you have.

strengths:
1. i can whip up a meal when needed or asked...yes...this is a superhero strength for a working momma
2. i can (usually) compartmentalize my life enough to keep our family life at a dull roar
3. i am a good friend but that sometimes backfires on me
4. i am a true believer in equality
5. i am really great at curriculum development

weaknesses:
1. each of you
2. i am vulnerable and i hate it about myself
3. i put off what i don't want to do
4. i have no problem telling off my family, but struggle with telling off others who need to hear it, which probably means i'm a sucker in some parallel universe
5. wanting to be better and, not accepting myself for who i am and how i look and what i do, right now

 Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.

I highlighted this part of the post because to me, it's a serious one, and it should be!


when i met daddy i was at a crossroads in a relationship that had been revived far too many times from college i had no idea what was going on in my life, but i was having fun with my friends, and that was enough

and then he walked in

in a split second after speaking to me i knew
my life was never going to be the same
ever

i heard that in italy there is a belief about true love-
that when it happens you are struck by a lightning bolt and you are never the same
the instant electricty consumes you and you become one together

that is exactly how it felt when i met daddy
he was it
the question i could not answer was what i would have with him in my life-my heart knew exactly what i would have without saying-what i realized was
without him, i would be lost

the heart wants what the heart wants
in my case it was a sunburnt US Army Ranger...
falling in love is easy guys, staying in love, will be the work of your life
remember that




always,
momma

Thursday, June 20, 2013

watching

What’s the hardest part of growing up?

if i could answer this one with witty colloquiallism
i would
but i've got none of that for today's post...

the hardest part of growing up, i think, is saying
goodbye

knowing when you don't need something or someone
any more-saying goodbye
meeting a huge life event and
moving on-saying goodbye
making your way into a new world
a new life-saying goodbye

but then

being happy with big decisions
looking ahead to new adventures
and living
a good life

makes up for the goodbyes along the way
and for those of us on the sidelines...it's not easy for us either
because the hardest part of our growing up is knowing
that the time has gone by faster than we ever knew possible...

love you forever and always
momma



Wednesday, June 19, 2013

do you want to be a grown up...

Describe a typical day in your current life.

my life sweeties, is very busy, and while busy means i'm alive
most days
i'm so exhausted that i can hardly claim to be alive

my weekday mornings are the same-
up by 5:30
always a HUGE mug of coffee
winter coffee is milky with sugar
summer coffe is lighter without shug
i like a 30 minute uninterrupted computer splurge
it helps me keep up with those kardashians
and other world news :o)
it's dash, dress, and drive to school

where every morning i hear
something
that has someone upset, hurt, angry, frustrated and/or
furious

all that by 0800...who knew?!

life in my office slows down by 0900-for a little while-and then it's lunch
and i'm on duty or covering detention
my lunch is a gulp

the afternoons fly by, with paperwork, meetings, and problem solving
these days make me miss my old classroom
in a way i didn't know was possible...teaching is what i love
and any job you do
you should love
being an administrator is really hard work

the school bell will ring and i'll catch myself thinking
that my life is flying past me
and i am certain i'm missing something very important
and then hours later i get in my car
to come home
and start my second job

"the plight of the working mother"
grandpadad's mantra-i hate it-but i love him
balance is tough, i go overboard trying to find it, and sometimes i feel i've missed the point
however
on those rare days when the planets align
and we all sit at the table laughing and eating a spectacular meal
that i did make all by myself
it's good.
everything is good.

and that lovies, is why i'm in bed before 10pm.
i love you-go to sleep!
momma

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

white or cream

Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

(why do all of these questions revolve around ten answers...i have to ask!)

1. i hate it, really it bugs me SO much that i have to refrain from talking when i see people wearing white with cream, crazy but true

2. interrupting...that is just rude, and i have raised you 3 better, remember that

3. bad table manners-that is a no brainer-seriously

4. the a$$ out fake friend hug...just shake hands instead please

5. liars...i don't have time for people who don't tell the truth

6. minimum standard. if there is an expectation, bust your butt to surpass it, if i find out that you've been a slacker trust me you won't hear the end of it

7. people who assume they can eat off another person's plate

8. having to walk the dogs when i didn't want dogs in the first place...Doodlebug...you owe me HOURS of dog walking and you know it

9. dishes that are left in the sink

10. finding food dishes under your beds...that is nasty

so there.
all my love,
momma

Monday, June 17, 2013

i have at least ONE a day.really.

describe your most embarrassing moment...


there are far too many embarrassing moments in the life of me to count...basic ones (like toilet paper on a shoe) to mortifying (and too personal to share)
one thing that has always embarrassed me...the birthday song.
whether it's being sung to me (and i really feel strange when eyes are on me like that)
or
if i'm singing it
i get embarrassed

i have no idea why i just do

now...no using this agains me next year in april!
i love you!!
momma

Sunday, June 16, 2013

10

List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

1. GrandpaDad...he was and has always been the number one person (prior to meeting Daddy) GrandpaDad has provided the life lesson discussions, the "pro/con" list, the wagging finger and booming voice, the hug, the reassurance, the insistance, the push, and the safe place for me to return to...he is amazing

2. Marj...she was my 1st grade teacher and my mentor...every accomplishment i've earned in my life, i've called her to share

3. Grandpa Arthur...the world's best grandpa, honest, serious, and devoted, with everything he accomplished in his life I always knew that he saw me and his other grandchildren as his greatest contribution to the world

4. Ms. Schoff...high school math teacher. Ms. Schoff was a surprise and kept me from losing my mind when math got too hard for me

5. Mr. Nance...middle school PE teacher and high school track coach...he coached me through
ung-dly shin splint pain, taught me how to hurdle and hurdle FAST...he was the coach that every kid should have in high school

6. Laurie...doodlebug, you are named for her, she was my childhood bestie and she left us far too soon. Cancer sucks...and Laurie never lost sense of her beautiful spirit and wonderful soul...even with cancer banging down the door at every chance...in your lives, i hope you have a friendship that nothing can effect and transcends everything, including death

7. Dulce...she was the most inclusive child i ever knew (outside of you three) and knowing that she was part of your lives too will forever bring a smile to my face

8. crazy, but true, Martha Stewart...she is a ballsy chick-total balls of steel-and i do love the decorating hints she shares...there is nothing wrong with homemade treats, decorating for the seasons and holidays, creating family traditions, and wanting those moments to be etched in the hearts and minds of your loved ones. Martha brought that to the main stream, and yes, she got burned but she came back bigger and better than ever

9. evie inspires me...every day, just like you three, she is a miracle...she just had to fight for her right to party a little bit harder than we expected...you 4 kiddos together are unstoppable

10. Daddy. everything i have, i owe to him, and everything we made together pushes me to be a better person...every day...some days i'm really good at that, others, not so much :o) but it's him it always has been him and it will continue to be him that inspires me to be the very best wife and mother that i can

loving you all,
momma

Saturday, June 15, 2013

really. i must be crazy to be doing this...

What are 5 passions that you have?

I could take the easy way out and say my passions are us...and this family...but that would be, well,
lame.

so...5 passions...here it comes!

1. us. our family. this is my world and the most important passion in my life

2. i really am passionate about my job-doing what is right for kids-not always easy but most certainly rewarding

3. the Redskins...but you already know that

4. treating people the way i want to be treated...GrandpaDad and Gaia raised me with this simple thought, hard to accomplish with so many negative people in the world, but important to attempt

5. having family meals-our lives will go by far too fast when we all look back-the time we take to slow down and enjoy simple things together is priceless to me

** 6. my true friends...i would go to the end of the earth for those folks...you know who they are and why we love each other as much as we do! i hope and pray for your most significant friendships to last the tests of time, as mine have

love you more and more every second of every day
momma

Friday, June 14, 2013

this one was a no brainer!

What is your dream job, and why?

finally something i can answer
1
2
3

my dream job was a 2 parter...
part 1: being a wife
part 2: being a mother

being a teacher was what i KNEW i would become
that was a natch next step for me after college
but my heart
beat with this hope and wish...
being someone's first choice
and someone else's first love

daddy gave me my dream job on November 30 1992
when he asked me to become his wife
on October 5 1993
every dream came true
and again on June 17 1996
and for the last time on December 22 1999

dream job...CHECK.
i landed it.

i love you to the moon and back,
momma

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Wish Wish Wish

If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?

ooohhh it always seems like a good idea to get the genie in the bottle, but sometimes i have to wonder...
three wishes
hmmmm

wishes are tricky things...one wish will always lead to another wish...more and more and more
what i want for you three is
a partner who loves you in spite of you
a rainbow when you think you won't see the sun
love and respect for your siblings...this family was the first family...never forget that

all my love
momma

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

five...how about one?!

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

so far, these posts have been increasing in difficulty, finding 5 things that i'm happy about
is a stretch...here goes:

1. i love my evie updates...seeing her miraculous face...that makes me MOST happy
she is amazing!

2. i'm happy that the sun has finally come to germany-now that i've said it-rain will be forecasted for the remainder of the summer

3. i'm happy that out of the 19 months i've had this job, i made a friend-very unexpected and welcome given how snarly some folks have been since i got here. the gift she gave me today was perfect and sums up our new friendship beautifully!

and that is about it.
really-how sad-i can't come up with 2 more things that make me most happy
today was a pretty sucky day (in fairness) so perhaps i should try this tomorrow...
i'm sorry babies!
momma

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

only 10...good grief...this is HARD

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

1. that your hair is only one little part of the uniqueness of you...embrace ALL the things that make you special

2. the girl you THINK is your best friend forever...really isn't

3. drinking and driving IS really bad and REALLY irresponsible

4. the boy you think you'll marry...he's just one boy in a long line, stop wasting your time and get the heck out of alaska!!!

5. the music you are listening to RIGHT NOW (remember this is 16 year old Esther) is THE best music. period. nothing will come close.

6. the preppy handbook isn't a bible 

7. eat more...this is a dangerous pattern and you are perfect as you ARE

8. there is someone out there who thinks you are beautiful...he's going to tell you and you will believe him

9. molly ringwald is a bad actress

10. the year 2000 will be great...don't be scared!


xxoo
momma

Monday, June 10, 2013

me + him

Describe your relationship with your spouse.

what can i tell you three about us...
i know that sometimes when we argue, it upsets you, and that makes me sad
but
let me fill you in on why those arguments sometimes mean something more

when daddy and i met, we both had reasons to be guarded and cautious before entering into a new relationship, really we did
and yet
even from that very first meeting we both knew that we had met someone who was
more
than any of the other someones we had in our pasts
for us, we can't explain
what or how
why or when
but we both fell in love fast and forever

nothing

was going to keep us apart.

that was 1992 and really nothing has kept us apart
we are as crazy now
as we were back then
just a little greyer, and maybe a little more wrinkled,
but in spite of everything we've been through
we are together

when you love someone as much as we love each other, sometimes life gets
loud
it doesn't mean that you aren't compatible
it might mean a lot of things that you as a couple haven't even figured out
yet
but it does mean that you keep working
as a team
to be strong individuals
people who complete each other.

that's our relationship...we complete each other.
it's our true love wish for each of you to find the same
don't settle
fight for it
and work hard every day.

we love you
momma and daddy

Sunday, June 09, 2013

Number 2

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears

1. swimming: Gaia and Grandpadad put us in swimming lessons when we were all very small. I started swimming on a team in Anchorage when I was 6, and swam all through high school and into college. My freshman year I went out for the swim team for my college. That year was a monumentally difficult year, for a number of reasons, including that I was in the wrong place at the wrong school for me...I remember coming back to practice after a long weekend and diving into the pool. Instead of feeling relaxed and free in the water, I felt like someone was pulling me down to the bottom. I got out of the pool and quit the team. Now, the only time I feel safe swimming, is if I'm swimming back stroke...

2. the dentist. THAT is all because of the dental psycho that Gaia took us to when I was little. He didn't thnk that children could feel pain and so all the procedures he did, were without ANY pain relief. He was a freak and I hated him.

3. the immediacy of getting on an airplane. I HATE waiting for the doors to close. Since September 11, 2001, I've stopped enjoying flying. I think it's because I realized that the world really is full of some horribly bad people.

this wasn't a fun post :o(  but I did it.
i love you,
momma

Saturday, June 08, 2013

The List

THE LIST:
List 20 random things about yourself:
1. my initials go in alphabetical order and I LOVE it! (EFGH)
2. Daddy has always been suspicious that I maried him for the 'H'
3. when I was 13 I saw a romany gypsy fortune teller in Crail (scotland) who told me that I would marry  man who had an 'H' initial
4. that same gypsy told me i would only marry once, for true love, and that we would have 3 children and our first born would have a 'P' initial
5. Daddy and i really do argue too much, but we have always loved each other-i'm sorry if we've scared you
6. the summer job i HATED was working for Alaska Airlines in the food/catering department...GrandpaDad thought it would be a nice job b/c i loved cooking so much...it STUNK and I was out of there before the week was over
7. if you ever find yourself in an impossible situation, you need to tell SOMEONE, remember you have your family to support you
8. you will have friends come and go in your lifetime...some friends come around again and again...remember to treat people the way you want to be treated-even if they don't
9. NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE...I MEAN IT!
10. i wish i had a superhero power besides sonic hearing...invisibility would be awesome
11. i hope that i can be closer with your uncles as we get older
12. education is important-school was sometimes hard for me too-you just have to get through
13. yes...college matters
14. i loved and hated being in a sorority...since graduating, the special few sisters with whom i've maintained relationships, have continued to make me a better person
15. i tell you that i'm over having pets, and secretly when i'm alone in the house, i do love Junior and even Oreo
16. being a grown up is rewarding and frustrating...a weird combination of up and down, like redbull and vodka...consume your adulthood with thought and care!
17. sometimes there are no answers...no, you weren't born with instruction manuals, Daddy and i have had to figure each of you out without instructions-sometimes we get it right, sometimes we totally screw it up, but we've always loved you-never doubt that
18. date a lot...marriage is real, and tricky...falling in love is the easy and fun part...staying in love will be the work of your life! Choose WISELY!
19.i hate eating fish...i know it's good for us...but yuck. all i ever really want to eat is junk food
20. the dentist really scares me and thinking about going gives me panic attacks...dentists i'm sure really are good people but personally, i think they are messengers from H**L!

30 things I want the kinder to know about me...

http://www.babymakingmachine.com/2012/11/30-things-my-kids-should-know-about-me.html

good old pinterest.
I saw this and was immediately drawn to it-
maybe it's because the reality of mom passing on is beginning to sink in,
or
the sense that perhaps she left with stories unheard,
details of a very colorful life that she was waiting to share and didn't get that one last chance...

maybe i just
miss
her

either way, for Biggers, Wee, and our Cherry on Top
I want them to
know
and when the moment comes and i'm not here to
provide the answers
bake the happy cake
or simply show up with a surprise, just because...
they will be able to smile for their
knowin.

30 things about me that you should know...begins today
this is for you.
all my love, forever and ever
momma